Viva La....Counterrevolution? Why "Reactionary Feminism" Is An Anachronistic Oxymoron That Will NOT Help Women

By Ajax the Great

(Originally posted on The Chalice and the Flame blog)

Some on the interwebs are recently claiming that a "sexual counterrevolution" is afoot, one that is ostensibly led by Women on both sides of the Atlantic (USA and UK) who are fed up with the sexual revolution as it were.  From Mary Harrington (who apparently coined the term, as well as the term "reactionary feminism" with which she herself identifies) to Louise Perry to Christine Emba to Katherine Dee to Evie Magazine to a few others, including some men as well, there does appear to be a trend back towards sex-negativity, or at least against the perceived excesses of sexual liberation.

The sexual revolution, like the industrial revolution, was a mixed bag overall.  Contrary to what some believe, it was neither an unalloyed good nor an unmitigated evil.  But overall, it was on balance a good thing I think.  Yes, even for Women too.  If anything, it is still unfinished to this day.  It is not a simple case of "men won and Women lost", just like the industrial revolution was not merely a simple case of "bourgeoisie (capitalist class) won and proletariat (working class) lost".  Sexual liberation does NOT need to be a zero-sum game at all.  Only the male-defined sexuality of patriarchy is truly a zero-sum game, which has existed long before the sexual revolution.  Female-defined sexuality is not.

As for the idea that there should be some sort of counterrevolution, as author Louise Perry advocates in The Case Against The Sexual Revolution, well, some good rebuttals from many different angles can be found here, here, and here.  Even Christine Emba's new book, Rethinking Sex: A Provocation (the thesis of which is neither  new nor particularly provocative) can be criticized here, here, and here as well.  These rebuttals for both, all written by Women, are far, far better than anything I could ever write.  And while these two authors occasionally make some decent points here and there, they are both quite heavy on problems and light on solutions.  Emba's solutions are far too vague and anodyne, while Perry's are far too retro (if not extremely non-starters as well), to even be considered solutions.  

But truly the only real solution is the one that these authors don't seem to consider:  MATRIARCHY.  It's like they are afraid to even utter the word, or something.  Not surprising, of course, given how utterly infantilizing and agency-denying some of their arguments are to Women in general.

It is true what they say that mere consent should be the floor, not the ceiling, of sexual ethics.  No argument from me there.  Even most sex-positive feminists would agree as well.  What Emba in particular calls "radical empathy" is also crucial, as well as respect, honesty, and basic human decency/dignity, of course.  But beyond that, their arguments really start to coast into confusion if not utter incoherence overall.  And the relatively short shrift they give to non-heterosexual folks (both Women and men), who they barely even acknowledge at all, also does the reader a serious disservice as well.

But back to Mary Harrington.  Her brand of "reactionary feminism" takes it a step further and apparently wants to roll back not only the sexual revolution, but also the industrial revolution as well, and possibly even the Enlightenment too.  The 1950s is apparently not traditional enough for her, as she quite literally seems to prefer....the 1450s.  (Riddle me this:  If that time period was so great, then why all the peasant revolts, in which revolutionary Women, eventually persecuted as "witches", played an outsized role?)  She is really quite the anti-modernist, it seems, and the title of her upcoming book, Feminism Against Progress, kinda says it all.  She comes dangerously close to sounding just like the Neoreactionary movement at times.  Oh, and she also denies that patriarchy ever even existed either.  Thus, her vague "solutions" would essentially preclude the only real solution of Matriarchy as well.  And yet she calls herself a feminist, go figure!

(To be fair, Harrington is not the first person to ever criticize the notion of "progress" either.  Christopher Ryan, co-author of Sex at Dawn, also wrote a sort-of sequel, Civilized to Death:  The Price of Progress, in which he also criticizes the unquestioned notion of progress, albeit from a different and clearly sex-positive angle, and with VERY different solutions compared to the reactionaries.  I triple-dog dare Harrington to debate him, lol.  But much like Lynn Saxon, author of an unconvincing rebuttal titled Sex at Dusk, she would probably just resort to cad-shaming and other ad hominem attacks.)

Oh, and finally, one of her most ridiculous articles ever is literally titled, "Middle Aged Women Don't Want Sex", and presumably that applies to Crones as well.  Somehow that sounds a bit like projection perhaps?  And besides, the legendary Guru Rasa Von Werder has clearly and famously debunked this utterly specious notion to be not only inaccurate, but almost a full 180 degrees wrong as well.

Thus, so-called reactionary feminism occupies that awkward space between where extreme sex-negative radical feminism and extreme sex-negative anti-feminism meet per Horseshoe Theory.  Much like how the far left and far right become dangerously close to each other as well.  It is essentially the worst of both extreme worlds, and its pied pipers should really be avoided like the plague and not discussed further.  Except insofar as sunlight is the best disinfectant, of course.

UPDATE:  Oh, and about those revolutionary Women of the 15th century, eventually persecuted as "witches", did you know that many of them believed in and practiced communal living and even (gasp) free love?  You know, the same things that are absolutely anathema to those self-proclaimed "reactionary feminists" discussed above?  According to the actual feminist Sylvia Federici, they apparently did.  So far from being the granddaughters of the "witches" they couldn't burn, today's reactionaries are more like the granddaughters, or at least ideological descendants, of the sellout Women who collaborated with the witch-hunters and threw their sisters under the bus.  That is true not just for these reactionaries, but also for all slut-shamers, SWERFs, forced-birthers, victim-blamers, and rape apologists as well--all of which being just a very short walk away from one another.

In fact, I decided to name this new-but-not-really-new virulent strain of reactionary pseudo-feminism "Serena Joy Syndrome", after the rather infamous character from Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale.  It fits perfectly. 

 

 

Chapter 8  Canadian / Frenchmen vs American

 

First time in Canada  Nov 1977, “Sex-Tuple” Club

written   7-28-22  

 

                   Yes, I called the press myself – the club did not, as usual, most of them did NOTHING.

I got on the FRONT PAGE of the Star, & front page of the Entertainment section of the Gazette, both Nov 18.  Star said “Stripper Peels for Church” & the other said “Kellie Spreading the word & gets down to bare facts.”

When I walked into the club that night the staff gazed at me in wonder.  They never heard of contacting the press?

 

Wish I could recall more details, it pays to keep a diary.

Most of Montreal is French, most men who owned dance venues were French, & I also went out a time or two  {perhaps not this trip but the next} & met French men.  How are they different in general from Americans?  Think refinement, manners, class vs crudeness, lack of manners & no class.  That’s the different between Europeans & Americans.  I felt I was ‘home’ as my initial teachings in all manners socialization were European.  I became more ‘crude,’ less refined as the years went along as I was out of step with the Americans.

  One example – as a child – when an adult walks into a room, you stand up out of respect.  I never saw anyone do that but me.  I did it in a dentist office when I was 9 years old – a Lithuanian lady dentist - & the incoming clients were started.  The dentist told them,

“She is very polite.”

I recall surprisingly one of the managers turned me down for sex.  It was close to the time I would take a vow of celibacy which I kept {until God told me to stop} for 30 years, so it was maybe my ‘last chance.’  He was handsome & sexy, refined. 

But you can’t win them all – he might have been in love with someone, or gay, or just wasn’t attracted to me.

I recall vividly that the owner complained my act was too long – it was about 20 minutes.  I liked it that way.  But he had plenty other dancers that had to perform.

He got me the best deal of my life – a professional tape maker who could get almost any song I thought of – many were rhythm & blues.  He put together shortened acts for me – about 9 or 10 – that I used for the rest of my career, where he introduced me through an echo chamber in both French & English.  It sounded posh, lol.

He got me every song I loved, except one.  I wanted “Lost Someone” by James Brown, but he could only get it in cha-cha form, of all things.  That wouldn’t set the mood of “I Lost Someone” at all.

I do recall my diet.  No breakfast, then dinner before the 4 shows at night.  I did not eat the bread, & kept it for the ‘midnight snack” later that night – always rye.  I kept thin that way.  Of course, I was young.  When you get older to stay thin you have to starve even more, at times, I’ve been able to do it, but sometimes I can’t.  You say to yourself,

“What am I starving for?”

There has to be a goal – like training for a beauty or body building contest, or else you’re dating & must look perfect.  But when all that is gone, the inspiration for starvation goes away.  And there goes your “Body Beautiful USA”.  It’s hard for me to see “the most beautiful” or “most perfect body in the world” {how they advertised me at times} go away.  Oh well, I have the pics to prove it, can I stay perfect forever?  What’s the point?

 

Second trip to Canada – July 10, 1978  - 4 week engagement

 

I got into many newspapers:  Multiple covers of a large color French paper called ‘Minuet,’  ‘New Saturday’ ‘The Sunday Express’, the ‘National Examiner’ & ‘The Journal of Montreal’ in French.

 

On this trip I preached for National Unity in front of the Canadian Peace Tower in Ottawa – Aug 1, 1978 – one of the men who worked at the club drove me there – a long trip, like 1.5 hours, I was half asleep the entire way, as we stay up late to work & I had to got up way early for this.  Because of that speech I get even more press.  I wonder if the Queen of England made a trip there not long after that to also confirm national unity.  Had I inspired her?

Why did I go there & do this?  There’s a strong reason.  When I preached in front of the White House earlier that year – June 16, 1978 – the Associated Press photographer {all the shots I have on that event he gave me} was from Canada, & he said,

“You should preach in front of the Canadian Parliament.”

And so I did.  Several reporters asked me what I thought of the situation & I said I prayed & felt God wanted national unity, so I preached it.

 

There were several small things that happened there & one big thing.  The small things first.

There was one dancer there whose costumes were not up to par.  She was also average in looks.  She was booked for $600 a week, {I was now graduated from 750 US Bucks last trip to 1k this trip – look at the publicity I garnered – through my efforts, not theirs} but the owner chopped her down to $500 & of course she hurt.

There was a tiny little Asian girl doing what I thought would be an Asian dance, but wow, did she mess that up!  Instead of doing a genteel, elegant dance as Asians do, she was all over the place with this tall cone-shaped headdress, the headdress moving to the side, down, everywhere, looking totally awkward & inappropriate.  I took some pics of her & they reminded me she was flat chested & not so pretty.  Not star material.

A third female did a ‘fire act.’  This was incredibly annoying, as the slimy concoction she used on her body to fire up was all over the stage, as I went after her, & it was slippery.  You’re wearing high heels on this slippery surface & you can fall.  I complained that they had to wipe the stage after her performance – they acted like I was asking for something outrageous. 

There was a super handsome French man with honey blonde hair & a gorgeous body who bought me a drink.  His girl friend was a dancer & a mental case.  He told me about it.  She kept screaming to him,

“Why can’t I love you?”

over & over.  I could not fathom the problem.

The next time I saw him I had removed half my makeup between shows, he greeted me like he didn’t know me.  It was then I began to realize men are completely fooled by our makeup.  So keep using a lot of makeup, they are blind.

 

I do recall going to Church daily here.  One Cathedral was on the way.  I’d get there just in time for Holy Communion, sorry God, I just couldn’t get up in time to attend the whole Mass.  Sometimes as I got there I would practically run in, the sweet white haired Priest waited with the Communion for me to come up, as the entire line was already served.  Receiving the Lord’s Body & Blood gave me the strength, the light & love I needed for life.  There was no human who sustained me through all of life, only God.

There was another Cathedral – How I wish I could recall the name – I went when there were no services.  I walked all though it, in the back there was all kinds of wood, with wooden small statues interspersed in the wood, can’t explain it, like secret, secluded spaces, the most mystical, spiritual feeling I’d ever felt in a Church.  But when I went there for a Mass, all the Spirit was gone.  All lit up, the people there, no more magic.  Bright lights & lots of people can spoil a mystical mood.

 

          OK, the bad stuff.

 

 Myself, the girl that I told you got docked, & a couple other dancers had a pow wow.  Sisters rarely get together like that, & we spoke of the situation of women, how we get fukked over by men & how they are all perverts.  That’s what women think behind your back – they don’t love you like you think they do – it’s all an act.

 

The very next day Docked Dorothy went with a guy & one of our sisters – a gorgeous Mulatto dancer, to this club after hours.  And the owner raped the beauty right on his stage!

Dorothy & her date didn’t do anything, just sat there not knowing what to do.  They thought they were locked in as there was a big key chain on the door.  They asked the owner to let them out – he said it wasn’t locked.

They went to the police & the victim the next day pressed charges.  But the charges were dropped because she was afraid of the man – he threatened some kind of retaliation & that was it.

We all sat there sadly, the fate of women.

  {End Chapter 8}

 

Hindsight Is 2020

WHAT TO DO NOW?  HINDSIGHT IS 2020

By Ajax the Great

(Originally posted on the True Spirit of America Party blog)

As the fearmongers are trying to dial up the fear factor over Covid once again, this time over the new BA.5 Omicron subvariant, most sane people two and a half years in would be tempted to respond to all this with a resounding (yawn).  But clearly we must still remain on guard--against tyranny, that is.  That may sound like we are boxing ghosts or strawmen, but we must never, EVER forget just how the easily March 2020 madness started, and how easily it is to slip back into it if we so foolishly allow it.  We simply cannot meet tyranny or insanity in the middle, and if we give them an inch they take a mile every time.  We must oppose them from the very first new or reimposed restriction, mandate, or the slightest attempt at coercion, period.  And we must counteract fearmongering with honesty and truth.

One restriction clearly leads to another, until We the People finally push back.  In March 2020, under the influence of 24/7 fearmongering, it started with "reasonable" sounding restrictions, which quickly got tighter by the day.  Lockdowns, closures, and the milder versions thereof that precededed it, led to mask mandates ostensibly as a way to avoid having to go back to lockdown.  But the places that imposed mask mandates were in fact the places that were MORE likely to return to second and even third lockdowns later.  And both mask mandates and the threat of lockdowns and closures independently and synergistically led to the vaccine mandates and passports that followed.  And all of it was for naught, as many studies and even the most casual glance at excess death rates have shown globally.

In fact, a very strong case can be made that doing nothing, or rather adopting the time-honored "flu strategy," would have been better than what was done.  At best, all that the restrictions did (or could do) was delay the inevitable, drag it out, and make it far more painful than it had to be, at very great social, economic, and health cost.  Once the virus was already "in the wild" in early 2020 in much of the world, if not even earlier, the "therapeutic window" for restrictive NPIs was permanently closed.  Notably, many countries, including the USA, UK, Australia, NZ, and others, all had pandemic playbooks that explicitly did NOT include and even discouraged these sorts of largely unprecedented restrictions, even if we were to face another "Category 5" pandemic like the infamous 1918 one.  Such playbooks were actually based on hard science, that is, what we have learned empirically (often the hard way) over the past couple of centuries.  But then suddenly in mid-March 2020, the powers that be had panicked and threw the wisdom of the ages out the window like so much garbage, and as they say, the rest is history.

Fortunately, most people simply don't have the appetite for more restrictions now.  Not only are people tired of it all, but also they see things like inflation, crime, the economy, etc. as being far more salient concerns than the virus today.  But that is not something we can automatically take for granted either.  Hindsight is 2020, in more ways than one.

P.S.  Apparently "flurona", or co-infection of flu and coronavirus, doesn't exactly seem to be the threat the fearmongers claim it is either.  New research finds that an influenza virus infection actually somewhat mitigates a Covid infection if the flu infection occurs first, and co-infection with both viruses does not seem to make the combo worse.  So as our old frenemy inevitably returns, that is one less thing to fear.

Oh, and you're probably wondering why the phrase "protect the vulnerable" was not anywhere in this article.  That is because that once-noble phrase, which would normally go without saying in a civilized society, has sadly become a meaningless platitude once it had been thoroughly appropriated by the lockdown and mask zealots, who twisted it into making the perfect the enemy of the (reasonably) good.  And it had become a very handy excuse for not only draconian restrictions, but also cruelty and callousness towards the very same vulnerable people they claimed to "protect", often at the expense of other vulnerable people in other ways as well.

RUH ROH.  WHAT HATH THE TECHNOCRATS WROUGHT?  CHILDREN OF MEN EDITION

You may want to sit down and take a deep breath before reading this.  Seriously.

As the ever-insightful Igor Chudov has recently reported, in several diverse countries from Hungary to Taiwan to Germany to Switzerland to the UK to Sweden to Japan and many others, including some US states too, birthrates plummeted by double-digit percentages in the first quarter (or two) of 2022 relative to the same time last year.  This is not a trend, this is an event!  And that unusually steep drop in births did not begin until about nine months after those novel experimental gene therapy jabs misnamed "vaccines" were rolled out en masse to young people of childbearing age.  Funny how that works.  But I'm sure it is all just a "coincidence", right?  Move along, nothing to see here folks....

Riiiiiiiight.

Was it the lockdowns that caused it?  No, since there was no similar drop in 2020 or 2021, and notably Sweden experienced the same drop without any lockdowns.  Was it the virus itself, or its sequelae?  No, since Taiwan was practically free of the virus for the most part until April 2022, and yet they still saw birthrates drop as well.  Was it 5G, maybe?  No, since Taiwan and many other countries have been using 5G for years now, again with no sudden drop in births until 2022.  Was it climate change, perhaps?  Global warming is by definition global, so why does this trend only really seem to be noticeable in highly-jabbed areas rather than everywhere in the world?

And indeed, while birthrates have been gradually declining for years or even decades now in most of the world, this is a much, much steeper drop that cannot be explained by any of the usual suspects.

Looks like all of those VAERS reports of menstrual irregularities and even fetal abnormalities (!) correlating with the jabs were quite real after all, and the tip of a much larger iceberg.  And fellas beware, the reproductive effects are most likely NOT confined to only one gender either.  When many people last year would half-jokingly say, "clean sperm is the new Bitcoin" or something to that effect, that may not have been very far off from the truth, unfortunately.  (The recent epic Bitcoin crash notwithstanding, of course.)

Let's hope that this is just a short-term blip, because if it's not, this is literally Children of Men territory, and it will NOT end well for humanity at all.  Yes, we know the Earth is overpopulated and in severe ecological overshoot.  But if this current disturbing trend lacks an "off" button, and continues irreversibly, it will clearly do far more harm than good in the long run.

Moral of the story:  Mother Nature apparently does NOT like to be effed with!  Too bad people end up having to learn that the hard way sometimes.

UPDATE:  The Swiss Doctor offers an alternative explanation, namely that marriage rates plummeted in many countries in 2020 (and even into 2021) due to Covid and the restrictions on gatherings (since even Sweden had restrictions on large gatherings), and thus a large number of (mainly first) births may have simply been postponed as a result of weddings being postponed.  Let's hope that is the case.  However, the Swiss Doctor also cautions that this does not necessarily explain all of the observed drop in births.  Thus, the jabs are not really exonerated just yet.

In fact, as Igor Chudov reports later, in ultra-jabbed Germany, not only births, but even abortions are down too.  That means that even accidental pregnancies are down as well as purposeful ones, so it's not simply due to people choosing to delay or avoid procreation.  Really makes you wonder!

Places I worked--People I Met

 

Places I worked - People I met

Sin Luvee Gets Kicked Out

 

          It was early in my strip career, maybe 1973 because Johnny Pons was the manager & he was there for me re publicity.  We worked together to get some press – he was on the ball {most managers/owners hadn’t a clue.}

The beginning I wasn’t secure – no one is.  Was I passable, OK or good?  It was hard for me to tell even though the New York audience was the easiest to please & applauded for everything.

So one time this nice looking stripper {Her name had to word ‘sin’ in it – NOT Sintana –but I can’t recall it} comes in, older than me, maybe 35, experienced.  She hangs around, so does her loser boyfriend.  We talk.

After a while she makes me an offer, now get this,

“I will TEACH YOU to strip.” Etc etc.

And I have to PAY HER.

I actually thought about it – maybe she could give me some pointers, but it got me extremely depressed that she thought so little of my abilities.

I told Johnny Pons her offer & next thing I know she storms into my dressing room & says,

“What did you tell Johnny Pons?  He told me to just get the fuck out of the theater & never come back!

So she was thrown out & that was EXACTLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO.  Johnny was savvy & he knew immediately this would have demoralized me & she was taking advantage of my naiveté.  So he was a mensch.

Joe Stricken--Sammy the Mgr & Prayers for Strippers

 

Joe Stricken was obsessed with me.  He followed me around like a lost dog when I walked down the street.  One time an officer was near & I just looked at him & he knew – he told Joe

“Get away from her.”

Joe came to every performance of mine at every place in NYC.

One time we had a gay manager at the Melody.  He was Latin, short & stocky, a great guy.  He was redecorating, cleaning & painting.  He hired Joe to help.  But Joe was in my dressing room so long, when the job should have taken 45 mins he was there like 3 hours.  Sammy decided to sneak up on him to see what he was doing.

He said Joe was just holding my wig to his face – not working, & moaning over & over again,

“Kellie, oh Kellie, I love you.”

He told him to get to work or get the fuck out. 

Sammy told me his heartbroken story.  He’d been in love with a guy for years, & the poor bloke died.  Sammy cried when he told me.  I felt so sorry.

That night he was shutting down the theater in front – where you pull down those metal grids so no one breaks through the front windows, when a guy walked tup to him & started talking.

He told the guy the theater was closing up, sorry.  The guy kept talking.  But there are no girls here now, Sammy said, but the guy said,

“I don’t want a girl, I want you.”

Shocked {the guy was handsome} Sammy took him upstairs for sex, & while the guy was fucking him, Sammy said,

“Kellie.  I know it’s Kellie,”

{meaning I caused this boon}

And the guy said,

“Who’s Kellie?  This is for Kellie, & he thrust hard & had his orgasm.”

Sammy told me the story smiling.

 

Pray for Females

 

          I did NOT put out any offers or invitations, but each stripper in our theater – the Melody – came to me one by one for counsel & prayer.  Each told me her story of sorrow & woe; I listened with empathy & said deep hearted prayers.

As I look back on my life things begin to add up.  I think there’s an instinct or a vibe that people pick up, knowing I am sent by God & represent Her – not too many words need be spoken, people just give off certain energies.  No other female I met ever in my work or travels had my vibes or interests at heart – the way some men were obsessed with me, I was obsessed with God.  I guess I talked about God constantly, at that time I was still under the sway of Rev. Judy Swaggart {I finally quit her in 1976} & probably talking about her Anointing & Church.  So what stripper or adult trade worker does that?  If you talk about God constantly, you must be of God.

 

Harlow’s a Female Gets Hysterical

 

There was a House of Therapy downstairs called the ‘Lucky Lady Lounge’ & some of the unfortunate females came up & spoke to me.  One became totally hysterical, had a nervous breakdown when she heard me preach.

She spoke in broken terms so you could not make sense of her words, she was crying, & she cried something like,

“I am just like her, she’s just like me.  They tell me I’m trash, I’m no good, but she is preaching?  How can she preach?  Am I OK then, am I trash or am I alright?  Because we’re doing the same thing.”

 

Her words did not make sense like that, but I got the meaning.  I was breaking the stereotype that we women in the adult trade are whores.  I proved we can be within the Grace of God.  They had convinced her she was a whore & outside Her Grace, so this was an upheaval & a shock to her, her mind just broke down from the shock.

Somehow I comforted her, don’t even remember how, but she finally calmed down after 20 minutes of screaming.

 

At another club – way far away in space & time – It was in the South, a truck stop, a female named Brandy went hysterical screaming,

“You are my Mother, you are my Mother!”

She had been adopted & didn’t know who her Mom was, & had been praying for years to find her, & she was convinced I was it.

But I told her I couldn’t be, as I was only a few years older than her.  I told her God must have been telling her I was her SPIRITUAL Mother.

It took her a long time to calm down.

 

I think this was Wheeling, West Virginia, I vaguely recall but not sure.  Instead of calling me the ‘Preacher’ they just couldn’t.  They called me ‘The Preacher’s Daughter.’  That went with their culture & religion, it was shocking enough to say that much less than, SHE is the real Preacher!

At times I gave a sermon here, another time I tried & one female laughed so loud, like a hyena, I couldn’t go on.  She just wouldn’t stop, she drowned out my words.

 

One sad note in Wheeling.  Most of the time men came to me for prayer between shows.  I hung around in the pool table / lounge area to meet folks.  One guy told me this, that his daughter got a fatal illness.  He promised God he would give 3k to the Church if God would cure her – She did.

 

But he reneged on the promise.  Some time later, the illness came back.

I said to the man,

“You still have time to keep that promise, give the money to the Church.  But he walked away sad, I shall never forget it, he did not want to give the money. 

Another man had a better outcome.  He came to me for prayer re his life, he was unhappy.  I prayed.  The next day he came back beaming,

“I sold my truck!  After you prayed I had the guts to do this, I quit, I want to spend more time with my family!  He thanked God profusely for helping him.  I shall never forget how happy he was.

 

I told the story elsewhere how in Montreal I witnessed a suicide.  A man jumped on the track in front of the subway train & was killed.  I signed the deposition as I was the only one who did not jump back, just stood there & looked.  I went to the officer’s place next day & asked what happened.  He said the guy had mental illness – The guy he was with was his lover.  He said to him,

“Tell me you love me, or I will jump on the track.”  But the guy wouldn’t, so he jumped.

That day I began praying to God to give me someone I could prevent from suicide.

A few months later, at the Plaza Theater in Wash D.C. {not the time I preached in front of the White House, the next time I was there} came to me & told me he had lost his job & his girl friend & he wanted to kill himself.  I held his hands & prayed for 20 minutes.  I then said,

“How do you feel?”

He said,

“I don’t want o kill myself any more.”

Suddenly I remembered what I had asked God months before.   {End Chapter 4}