3-17-20
Man amazed at seeing me twice
There was something going on in my basement, but I can no
longer remember what.
But a man who went there says in an eye popping way,
“I saw you there TWICE!”
I see myself lying down on my back, as if I am dead almost
& am like an apparition—not a ghost, solid, but there’s something
supernatural about me.
……………………………………………………….
MEANING:
I’m guessing this has something to do with the
dream I worked on yesterday & uploaded, of 4-21-17, where it speaks of my martyrdom.
I have had no confirmation clinically speaking, whether I
actually died for a short time. It’s
speculation. But this dream is a soul in
Purgatory, who’s saying he saw me twice, as a supernatural apparition. Maybe this confirms I appeared in Purgatory
twice, maybe being dead, maybe not dead—as I appeared to my Dad in bilocation
to Purgatory—I was fully alive—in 1982.
That was the only such visit of mine.
Since this man is so amazed about my being there, maybe I
was there in bilocation again but not aware of it—maybe I died
momentarily.
The dream of 4-21-17
begs the question ‘What is spiritual martyrdom?’
SPIRITUAL MARTYRDOM
Spiritual martyrdom is when a person loses all they have
for the Kingdom of God. It can take on many shapes & forms of experience,
but losing all is the commonality.
Where the saints were honoring me in this dream for my ‘death,’
what are the prerequisites for this type death?
First & foremost, a person has to love IN GOD’S LOVE,
not in human, the flesh, the physical love.
That kind of love is what homicides are about – people are so jealous,
enraged when they find the one they ‘love’ has betrayed them or rejected them,
they sometimes kill--very different from God’s love.
You can love a human being in the flesh but along with
that, in God’s love. If true love is
present the lover is willing to sacrifice & suffer greatly for the one they
love – similar to the self-sacrificing love of a good Mother.
{Obviously not all mothers are good, some
kill their child, my own mother destroyed me. In a dream I saw her stabbing me
to death, I lay in a pool of blood. My
Higher Self went to my Mother & said,
“You have killed my daughter, but I forgive you.”}
This
was PSYCHOLOGICAL MURDER. You can hurt,
demoralize, degrade, despise a person so many times you kill them in a certain
way – this is murdering their self-image, or identity of themselves.
What did I do in relation to the lover we’ll call John that
constituted, true love, sacrifice & true martyrdom?
In
most relationships certain sacrifices are made, say she wants to go to McDonald’s,
he wants to go to Kentucky Fried Chicken, & he sacrifices to go to the
place she prefers. There are DEGREES of
sacrifice. Deferring to the other person
in things like this does not constitute great spiritual sacrifice.
First, my love was true.
My thoughts & feelings every day were how I could help him. After a while I realized that he suffered
from several maladies & disorders.
He was self-medicating to keep himself afloat. He needed help & no one around him could
or would help him – I was the only one capable & willing to do so.
My life centered around him even though we saw each other
occasionally. Every day my body &
soul sent him energy & love, so much of it there was nothing left for
anything else. Ninety percent of my God
work stopped – everything stopped but bringing him life.
I cannot even describe the amount of exorcisms &
spiritual practices I made on his behalf, just thinking about it makes me feel
tired.
For
a while he saw me occasionally—I lived for those days--then because of
foolishness & misunderstanding on his part, he stopped talking to me. He accused me of using & exploiting him—the
opposite was true.
This rejection of me was stressful but I never stopped
loving him. But my body had gone the
distance & the stress level of my efforts made me fall apart. I began to have anxiety attacks, then
multiple heart attacks; almost died the forever death.
Why was this martyrdom?
Because I loved him totally & fully for years, gave him all that I
had, & he took it in & rejected me.
Later we reconciled but he was not kind & considerate, he was cruel
& selfish—he presented another woman to social media as his woman while he
kept me in the shadows, taking, once again, all that I had, but secretly.
He never gave me the public recognition that I
needed, that I was his & he was mine.
I understood his actions came out of being sick & weak. I saw him as a beaten, brutalized child who
knew not what he did. I forgave him.
I
continued sending him great love energy for another year. Then I decided I’d had enough – the martyrdom
was over. I let go his case, I had given
enough. He was stronger & wiser now
& I knew he’d always loved me through all the ups & downs – everything. He was a broken machine that could not
function properly. But my work had
helped wind him up again to walk like a man, & now he had to do it. I am waiting for that time.
My
work & outcome in this relationship, in the eyes of God, is seen as
Martyrdom, Sacred Death. It all depends
on the heart – everything does. My heart
was & is completely clean & true, my love was true, & I lost
everything by this love, everything I longed for, needed, wanted—all was lost
to me.
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