Four Dreams

6-18-20-MAN COMFORTS ME I HIM (My lover John is in great misery due to our separation)

6-17-20-I STOP MAN JUMPING OUT WINDOW (Lover John feels desperate but regains hope about our togetherness)

6-16-20-I BLOCK MY GOD SELF (When I doubt God I lose touch with her & sink into my miserable flesh)

6-20-20-SAINT & ANGELS COME TO MY AID (I call to saints & angels in my need, many answer my call, including, surprisingly, lover John.  He’s not an angel so this is him as a ‘saint’--it proves he loves me in truth)

           Interpreted for friends – It’s no one you know

          Man comforts me, I him:  I’m in my room by the window – don’t know which residence.  Looking out the window I feel kind of LOST, unwanted, and lonely.  The feeling is no one wants me or cares about me, I am all alone.

          A strange thing happens.  A man comes barreling up the alley behind my window on what I thought was a motorcycle.  He’s amazing looking.  He puts his hand on my window cill when he stops & I put my hand on his.  An amazing sense of warmth passes through our hands.  Not sure whose warmth goes first, but it goes both ways.  We disengage & moments later we touch hands again.

           *(MAN:  Lover John, the warmth we shared, the emotions, both sexual & spiritual.  He comforted me, I him.  We needed each other, we were & are in love.  He speaks to me mystically when our bodies are apart.)

          He is beautiful & sexy in a macho way.  His hair is waist length, jet black, shiny & sleek, it hangs not in dred locks but in curly strands, amazingly long.  There’s something real sexy about this hair.

           *(SEXY HAIR:  I am stumped.  Calling on Mother God for help. 

          She:  It’s the way he THINKS, his personality that comes from his thoughts & feelings, his mindset.  You found this extremely sexy.)*

          His arms are exposed, they are totally covered with tattoos, very attractive—his arms seem muscular.  He’s wearing large sunglasses, wrap around, they cover much of his face so I can’t see too much of that.

           *(ARMS TATTOOS, MUSCULAR ATTRACTIVE:  Stumped again, Mother God.

          She:  Tattoos are pictures, messages.  Again, it’s the messages in his ‘arms of love,’ his desire for you – one of those guys who ‘talks with his hands.’  Arms as you know are the strength to love, hands are giving of it.)*

           This revelation surprises me.  Then I see the man standing strangely looking with his back to the main street, he’s across the alley looking what to him is straight, to me is left.  He’s doing NOTHING, just standing with maybe his hands in pockets, just a plain standing, nothing happening.  His body is covered by sort of strange clothes with some sort of head covering.  Colors are brown, the shirt is tucked into his pants.

 

 

          I call to him & he comes over to me.  I want to see what he looks like.  My contact with this man has been emotional & now it gets moreso when I see his state.

          He has on a MASK & he moves the mask to show me his face & somehow, THERE IS NO FACE.  This is hard to describe but I now realize something really serious happened to this man – an accident that left him in a gruesome state, his body is greatly injured & I say,

          “You have NO FACE!”

 

          *(ALLEY BEHIND MY WINDOW:  I know this is John as he called for me there.

          NO FACE:  But now he has ‘lost face’ which means his self esteem is TOTALLY GONE by my not being there, ignoring him, not looking for him at all.  His state is GREUSOME.

 THE MASK:  His pretense, ‘Oh yes, I’m the great pretender, pretending that you’re still around.  Lyrics to ‘The Great Pretender’:

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such; I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell.

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
A drift in a world of my own
I play the game; but to my real shame
You've let me to dream all alone.

 Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal.

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown

I seem to be what I'm not; you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around.

Too real is this…  )*

 

           We are communicating for a while, then he takes off the mask again & shows me how he looked once upon a time.  It’s an intermediate state – before he lost his face but after the trauma, not his best but when he still had a face. 

          His left eye is lost, it’s whited over, his skin is swarthy, his hair is thick black, wavy & rugged—there are creases on his face & his face is sort of wide & his cheeks round—he looks like he’s been through a lot.  I say,

          “Oh, I see you were once handsome.”

 

          *(SWARTHY FACE:  Someone who’s been through a lot, like a sailor who was almost shipwrecked, swarthiness could be SUNBURN which says ‘pain.’

          This might refer to a time in the past when I told him ‘no more sex until the relationship.’

           He took revenge on me by eventually having a relationship with another female that’s been dragging on for years {but in some way is now over}.  He wanted it both ways when he lured me back to sex, but now I’ve cut him off he is the one with ‘no face.’)*

          He’s satisfied that I said that.

 

          *(ONCE HANDSOME:  He was once in a better state, but he was HALF BLIND, or unaware of something.)*

          Another scene:   I’m at my apt in B’klyn & this same man is here but now not as damaged.  Somehow he’s partially healed – he even smiles a lot.  I know it’s him by that whited eye, but his face looks much better, his body seems normal.

           *(EYE STILL WHITED:  He still doesn’t see or understand why I am not trying to contact him.)*

          My Dad is here also & I tell both of them my SISTER HAS MOVED IN.  I tell them that because both my Dad & this guy are now living with me.  The man now wears a WIG made of all red braids, looks just like a mop or a RAG DOLL wig.  The wig somehow hides his head injuries, wounds or scars.

 

          *(MAN SMILING-NOW IN MY APT WITH DAD:  This is John in an improved state, suffering, but hoping for union or marriage with me.  It gives him comfort, but there is still something he doesn’t understand.)*

          Another scene:  I am in a different location & am LECTURING on a certain point.  People are all around listening to me.  Then one of my associates to the right – a female I think, tells me,

           “There is a group of homeless young males wanting to come in.”

          *(HOMELESS YOUNG MALES:  I sense this is my lover John, who is the same guy on the motorcycle with ‘no face,’ but he is comforted by accessing me somehow.  The other boys are basically just saying ‘guys like him’ also access me this way – it’s my speaking videos on You Tube.)*

 

          I say,

          “Let them in.”

          When they enter I tell them to take seats.

          They enter the room to the right, which has a green Christmas tree there, covered with real red poinsettias.  They play with the poinsettias, scattering them about.  They are delighted that I allowed them in, gave them shelter.  They were homeless indeed.

           *(XMAS TREE WITH POINSETTIAS:  This sounds like my lover John accessed my speaking videos, where I make ‘points’ – I preach, teach & explain.  This alleviated his suffering, as he can access me this way.  He can see me, hear me & get my stories & teachings.  So he is getting a lot out of this, it’s like Christmas to him.

          HOMELESS:  Is when a person is lost, has no center or place of protection & security.  This seeing me in videos made him feel he was with me.)*

           The group of them looks underprivileged, small in size like runts.  One boy’s face I see clearly, his nose is peculiar, reminds me of an animal I have seen, he looks comical.  Sort of a pyramid shape, hard to explain.

           *(PYRAMID NOSE:  It’s John getting ‘to me’ through my videos.  Why is he looking like this – a runt - & comical face with pyramid nose?

           She:  He’s your son, your child, he realizes that now so he is ‘humbled’ & appears like a ‘runt.’  The pyramid nose – the nose is a SENSE, smelling, tasting, sensing is like ESP, his inner sense brings him to you – recognizes some reality he might not have seen before, the meaning of your relationship.  Prior to this he was on a ‘high horse,’ a ‘pedestal’ with you.  Now no chasing, he sees he’s your little child.  You have asserted your dominance over him.  The

          PYRAMID:  is a sign of perfection, so he is seeing THE TRUTH.)*

       

          What was so unusual is at this moment of my loneliness & isolation he drove up here & comforted me with his warmth—there is great sexual meaning here but it’s nothing gross or crude, it’s spiritual as well – like an angel appearing from Heaven to comfort me.

          *(COMFORT, SEXUAL & SPIRITUAL MEANING:  We had sex, but our exchange contained love & spiritual depth.)*

 

          I look at the traction his motorcycle left on the ground in this alley – deep furrows – it’s been raining, the ground is black, the furrows are deep, as if a motorcycle had been here several times.

          *(BLACK FURROWS:  He was here several times looking for me.

          IT RAINED:  tears or sorrow, that I wasn’t there.)*

           But then his motorcycle is empty & it isn’t what I thought it was at all – it’s a walker with wheels, the kind Rudy (a disabled friend) has – it’s a vehicle for a DISABLED person with a black vinyl seat.  This isn’t sexy at all.

          *(OVERALL MEANING:  This explains how devastated John has been by my absence, but something has given him a lift, not sure what.  His hopes are up & he feels things will improve.

DISABLED VEHICLE:  He was disabled or unable to achieve his goal – couldn’t get to where he wanted.)*

…………………………………………………………. 

 6-17-20-I STOP MAN SUICIDE

          I’m in my apt in B’klyn when I see a man, dressed in a classical grey suit with white shirt, maybe a tie, looks professional – this man is at my bedroom window & halfway out to jump 6 floors down, commit suicide.

          He’s already halfway out when I grab him & pull him back, then I have him lying in my arms & look at his face.  His right eye is looking down to the left corner, like down to the middle of his body, while his left eye is somewhere else.

 

          *(SUICIDAL MAN:  This is John the lover, who is

          GREY SUIT:  mentally {grey is usually brain matter/mind} out of his mind & is halfway to killing himself because

          EYES 2 WAYS:  he can’t see straight, which means understand something.  Could be because

 

           MY BEDROOM:  I am no longer making myself available to him for intimacy/sex – this is driving him crazy, he can’t understand it & is desperate for my love.  He once had a

          WINDOW:  of opportunity at my bedroom/window.  He can’t understand what’s happened.  I’m having multiple dreams about his confusion & misery.

           PROFESSIONAL ATTIRE, WHITE SHIRT, MAYBE TIE:  The white shirt hints at marriage, the tie, something formal.  He considered us a married couple although he didn’t publicly announce me.

          MY SAVING HIM:  He hasn’t lost hope, however, something I do or have done brings him back to hope.)*

……………………………………………………………

 

6-16-20-I BLOCK MY GOD SELF

          (Great lesson in this.  God does not enter us or find union with us AGAINST OUR WILL.  The famous pic of Jesus knocking at the door shows no HANDLE on the outside, the person must open the door for him to enter.)

          I’m with my daughter in the old farmhouse, in my bedroom.

           She’s AVOIDING me.  I look for her – she has gone beyond our bro’s room, which joins ours, & is in the hall talking with a man, whispering.  She has the room door closed with a thick fleece sheet, might be pink & blue, & she has made a room of the space of the hall—not a good area but she wants to escape me.

          *(SHEET OVER DOOR:  There is what they call a VEIL between God & ourselves, my flesh for a while went to her own side – lost the intimate contact with me.)*

 

          Then it gets even worse, she’s in Mario’s room & I hear her talking with what sounds like a black man with a deep voice—they are speaking low so I can’t hear them.

          *(MARIO’S ROOM:  This is the key to WHY she lost contact with me – her God self – the worry or fear of losing HENRY, her lover.  Mario’s room always represents separation from the man who is loved.)* 

 

          Then I see my daughter standing by a wall, perhaps looking out the window, in a robe.  She young, like a pre-teen.

          I go to her & try to befriend her, get close, but she repels me.  I am a great energy, I try to get close but her force field repels me, (I feel it strongly as I try to move close) I cannot get within two feet of her.  I cry out,

          “I AM GOD!”

           But she mutters that this (me) is Satan.

          *(GOD VS SATAN:  In my human self, at this time the dream says my doubts & fears over the lover ousted the Great God within me – I left God as I entered into this negative thoughts, lost faith in HER temporarily.)*

           I am wearing a diaphanous mint-colored robe, it seems to be made of sort of clouds, & I’m holding it open as I try to come close to her but can’t.

…………………………………………………………

 

6-20-20-SAINT & ANGELS COME TO MY AID

          I was greatly troubled during the night, nightmarish fears of the multiple obligations before me.  I called out again & again to the saints & angels to help me.

          I then went into a deep sleep & people & my past animals began to appear to me, all in a friendly manner.

 

          A female across the street came to visit, & she brought with her many boys, all of whom circled some sort of lawn-island in front of my house – all the boys were wearing black, some had on hats Indiana Jones style with some kind of small reeds on them (like straws) - all were around 12-13, really boys, not young men.  It seems they belonged to her somehow, like they were Boy Scouts & she was their leader, & they are here for my benefit – not sure what they’re doing but they are here to comfort me, & feel better.

          *(NEIGHBOR LADY:  Symbol of Mother God – could be Holy Virgin, seems like her.  She brings to me

          BOY SCOUTS:  dead men who are my sons or clients, who I helped out of Purgatory, now come to my assistance.  The

          STRAW or REEDS, {one in each hat}:  represents ‘dead’ because you get straw only after the wheat dies, & their

          BLACK CLOTHING:  says ‘funeral’ or they are the dead & their activity,

          DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING, JUST STANDING THERE:  Is when people visit you just to show they are your friends, there is no ulterior motive, like they are not your employees, not looking for anything other than to support you.

 

          Then another female comes, then another.  I’m confused as I don’t know who they are or why they’re visiting.  I say,

          “Is this visit your neighbor day?”

          *(NEIGHBOR LADIES:  These are the ‘angels & saints’ I called for just simply visiting me, no motive except to show their love.)*

          Then someone suggests we go inside.  I am reluctant as everything is not perfect, like all in order.  But as I look around the rooms are large, nicely furnished, I see an oriental rug in one room, mostly blue, the rooms are dark & kind of cool – inviting.  The floors might be black lacquered wood.

           On a couch there are two men visiting me – don’t even know who they are.  Then yet a third man appears sitting on the couch – all these people just appear - & he’s strikingly handsome with honey blonde hair – He puts his hand for me to shake, I do so in a warm manner.  He has a strong look of love on his face.  He’s wearing an attractive suit, a true green color & embossed on it are the same color checkers – like ‘tic tac toe’ checkers - I’ve never seen a material or suit like this.  I am to the back of the couch; he’s sitting in it as he greets me.

          *(MAN IN GREEN SUIT:  This is either a saint from Heaven, who was martyred or someone on earth who has or is experiencing martyrdom.  It might be my Beloved Husband who I have not been with for almost a year, he seeks to visit & comfort me.  The

          TRUE GREEN SUIT:  Might be saying ‘he’s one of the living.’  The WARMTH of our hands touching, reminds me of the dream of the biker who gave me his hand to comfort me, then he showed me he had NO FACE.  

His hair & also look of love – when I saw him I felt an emotion I didn’t feel from the other men which again says ‘this is your Beloved.’

TWO MEN:  This dream is filled with people I say I don’t know.  Maybe I don’t, maybe I know some of them.  These might be saints or angels.)*

          Then I want to introduce my dogs to them.  I go to a further room & there on the floor lies GaGee Boy – except he doesn’t look like GaGee Boy – he is much smaller, like a chubby tiger cat, maybe 40 lbs, real cute, I pet him lovingly, his fur is so thick & pleasant to touch.

          *(WHO IS GAGEE BOY:          MomGod, stumped.

          She:  Gagee Boy is you in your dealing with John.  You were the ‘big dog’ that scared him & some of his friends.  You’re no longer scaring them as you’re not around, your ‘ferocity’, shown here as a ‘tiger’ has diminished, you are ‘dormant’ in the relationship or ‘lying down’ being petted like a tame cat.)*

          Then I look for Fruitcake, who I loved so much & who was so loving & suffered so much.  Someone put him into a ‘dog house’ made of material like a stove or fridge, I bend down, the door to him is closed. (Door closed, he was confined.)

          This house is equipped with birdseed, packets of it like with millet, & there’s this European white cheese, a cheese with a skin—I dislike it, & I have said ‘no one wants millet, not even the birds, that’s why it’s cheap.’  I see many servings of this cheese on plates, but they are packaged to give him periodically – like this house is some sort of prison where all is provided but freedom & the outdoors – food, fresh air piped in.  But to my alarm way back in this house are canisters with ice, I fear does this make his house way too cold?  But then I see he has some sort of system in the back of this house which blows in fresh air {this is a hint where John lives the place has a back yard, another clue it’s John}.  I don’t like his confinement, I have opened the door to this house & I encourage him to come out, & I see him halfway out. {—I’m beginning to get him out of it—must be my God Self as I’m doing nothing.}

          *(FRUITCAKE - SOMEONE PUT HIM IN THIS DOG HOUSE:  This was hard to decipher but I think I got it.  When you ‘put someone in the dog house’ it’s usually your husband who’s out of favor.

         

          Fruitcake again represents lover ‘John.’  He’s in a ‘dog house’ an appliance like a refrigerator where I look DEEP INSIDE & see canisters of ICE & have great fear it’s TOO COLD in there.  This is our relationship ‘on ice’ or on hold—it is not active or warm.

          The food – is the emotional nutrition he’s getting.  It’s terrible.  This love/sex does not satisfy his HEART.

          The CHEESE is the sex as ‘cheesecake’ represents sexiness in a woman.  This sex is the birdseed/millet nasty cheese food.  After all, having sex with someone you don’t love is totally different than doing it with the one you love.

          His BODY is getting all that he needs – a house, food/sex, air, etc. but he is imprisoned, confined.

          In other words, you’re in a relationship where you have a roof over your head, the air you breath, food & sex, but you are not free to be HAPPY WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE.

          Fruitcake is John & I am HALFWAY RELEASING HIM.  I have no idea how I’m doing this unless he’s getting psychic messages.

MomGod, what do these two disclosures have to do with a dream where I’m calling for help?

She:  This is explaining that our underlying pain is not the problems you face in life right now, but your separation from John.  This is making you feel lonely, insecure & isolated – the same way he feels as the ‘man with no face’ & the ‘homeless boy.’

When people are separated from the person they love most in the world, they feel all alone, abandoned & even afraid.

Everyone in this dream is those who love you – either on earth or not.  He’s one of the people on earth.)*