Dream:   Intimacy with Spiritual Husband - Review of our relationship, sadness & regret, but also spiritual success  11-16-22

I am at a place where my daughter & I are talking, but my daughter doesn’t look like me {she is usually my flesh, this might be another person who I consider as daughter, much younger.} 

*** {DAUGHTER:  The ‘other female’ – much younger, who he chose to be his ‘front’ because she was a drug enabler, & second, because all his druggie friends approved of her as they were birds of a feather & similar age/mentality.  This is like the story “Back Street” where a man who is a banker stays with his wife as it is most expedient for his business – while loving another woman he also supports – but not in style – whom he loves for herself.  That’s his fake wife & you.  He even said it on his Face Book shortly before he overdosed - ‘The bitch I love the most.’}

So we’re in this apt when a male shows up who is extremely tall & handsome –like my Spiritual Husband, just as beautiful but in a different way, & he’s VERY HAPPY.

He stands in the doorway of this apt wearing an interesting outfit, light green, very soft, has 1 or 2 soft tubes sewn into it vertically on the sides, made of the same material, it’s a jump suit, one piece, but has a waist where top & bottom are sewn together.

Standing in front of the doorway he twirls around 3 times – which isn’t easy & I say, to praise him,

“3 times around – that’s good!”

Then we’re running up the street together, amazing that I can run as fast as him.  We are together, & this time he’s no longer afraid or ashamed to show everyone we are One, we are a couple!  At last, there is RECOGNITION for our relationship!

We pass a bunch of young men carousing in the street.  The light here is dim.  One of them holds a brown bottle of beer in his hand – I snatch it & pour it all over him & keep running. I toss the bottle where it won’t break, into a soft shoulder area on the other side.  This throwing the beer all over him was an act of defiance & dominance.  These guys used to disrespect my relationship with Nick – now I’m showing them I have surpassed their criticism; I have won.

I’m wearing brown pants & we run together so freely & gleefully.  Then I climb on his back ‘piggy back’ & he continues running, so strong, he doesn’t feel the weight, like a strong horse, we keep going several blocks.

 

We were trying to get somewhere, a restaurant I think, that we were familiar with.

 {I see a table laden with food, which we are planning to dine at, but it doesn’t happen.  I also saw myself in a room trying on clothes & there was one pair of white boots covered with lace.  I was going to wear white clinging pants & thought maybe I should wear these boots – wasn’t sure, in the end, I think not.}

 

*** {RUNNING UP THE STREET, LOOKING FOR A RESTAURANT, CHECKING OUT MY WHITE PANTS & LACE-COVERED BOOTS:  Nick & I were seeking marriage, both of us. The restaurant with food represents fulfillment or satisfaction, the white pants & lace colored boots are obvious.} ***

 

  But here at the end of the street   it’s a DEAD END, we turn the corner to the left & are horrified to see this:  hidden behind the corner of this building is a PIT, a mostly level but slightly concave place maybe a square block, which is light orange & has interspaced here & there these black sort of posts, like surrounded by cinders.  I see patches of broken-up cinders.  If a person walks into this pit it’s like a hot QUICKSAND & you CAN’T GET OUT!  You would drown & burn up at the same time.

We turn away from this place & retrace our footsteps on the street, to the left of our footsteps going back there are shallow puddles of this same pit-material, which we must not tread, we stay on the steady rock-based street path we were on & head back. 

*** {THE PIT, HOT QUICKSAND LIKE GLUE, IF YOU WALK THERE YOU CANNOT GET OUT, WE RECOIL IN HORROR, RETRACE OUR STEPS:

I need help here, Mother God.  I know this is Hell but how does it configure?

MG:  The end of the road is you cannot get to your marriage on earth, you don’t reach it, & Nick DIES of the drug overdose.

ME:  But what is the Hell we avoid?  Hell comes to those who do not repent of sin. Did I save Nick from Hell?  As we are both there together, seeing Hell at the end.  What is the end?  End of our relationship, end of his life?  End of what with Hell looming ahead?

MG:  There was a sacrifice you made.  It’s in your earlier dreams, where the spiritual side of you – True Love – conflicted with the physical side of you – human desire.  The human part of you sacrificed.  In other words, you could have remained in the back street of his life, but you STOPPED.  This caused intense pain on his part as you were the one he loved in True Love, but this romance blocked your relationship with God.  You lost your NONDUAL consciousness.  That was the great sacrifice for you, it was either God or him.  You left him for God.  For him, it was either drugs or you, he chose drugs – he lost you.  It would have been HELL for him, choosing drugs over you & God {God sent you, it was the same thing} but yet, he still loved you & in the end, he REPENTED.  That’s why he was SAVED.  He repented although he could not quit the drugs & the enabler, but he repented, & that’s the key.

ME:  Where does the dream show repentance?  Is it only his repentance or mine also?

It could be both your repentance.  You losing your high place of NONDUALITY – being One with God - & he doing the same thing – denying or rejecting you, the result for each of you would be a Hell, the end of the road with God.

ME:  Are you saying I could have lost my eternal place with God because of this, & gone to Hell?

MG:  I don’t know how to answer that - it seems improbable.  Maybe not – sorry – I can’t get through to you on a good answer for this.  If you meditate & pray in time I can reveal it you.  Obviously, I, God, know, but getting through to your mind is not always easy.  You do know that your consciousness was compromised as you made Nick the center of your heart & mind, which de-thrones God & that goes against all God wants.  But you repented & gave Nick up & that restored God as Number One, so it was made right.  That was your repentance.} ***

 We were conversing together, very close, I think prior to this.

It was romantic, sexy & intimate, so close.

We’re in each other’s arms & my face is right on his, but as I speak, it’s as if I have his giant penis in my mouth, as much as will fit in there, half of it, & as I speak, I can tell when he is pleased as his penis gets harder.

We are talking about the other women who desire him

& I tell him it’s good for him to know he is wanted so much – not only by me but others, & he says,

“BUT I WANT ONLY YOU.” 

*** {I WANT ONLY YOU:  This statement proves that all along I’ve been saying I am the one he loves.} ***

 

Now I don’t know what happened but somehow we do an experiment, which in the end I see doesn’t work.

I permit him to be with my daughter, almost like I’m giving him up, sacrificing him to her. 

*** {THE SACRIFICE:  Finally I get it.  The sacrifice was when I refused to have sex with him any more – after July 2019.  I could have continued if I pursued him, but I made myself scarce, did not go downtown.  Did not send him any messages, nothing.  He thought I was through with him.  That was my sacrifice.  He kept looking for me at the usual place but I wasn’t there, & he kept waiting for me to contact him, but I didn’t.  He was devastated.  It’s all in my dreams of that time.} ***

 I see her sitting on a bed with her bra pulled so low under her breasts that her nipples show – her breasts are small.  She’s wearing a light green soft chemise-type dress, she has short wavy light brown hair & a pretty face, & she’s talking to him a lot.  It’s kind of like I allowed it.  She seems to be my daughter & closer to his age.

 *** {FEMALE SHOWN HERE:  Is his front-door wife, Ruth Anne or Ruthie.  Her small breasts are a sign of small ability to love – not God’s high-natured love, just the small amount mortals give, like 34B instead of DDDD of a saint.} ***

 

I look at my breasts in a mirror & they are large but saggy because they appear like partially-emptied bags.  (This is not in real life – only the dream, in real life they are not saggy.)

 *** {MY LARGE BREASTS LIKE EMPTY BAGS:  This is SO TELLING.  They are EMPTY or DRAINED as I was severely drained of love, I gave so much.  He would see me & I explained many times, fill himself up like a vehicle, with the gas that was my love.  He would then exist on that fuel supply, full & happy, & after a month or so come back for more.  But I was left empty of his love except for a short time after seeing him because he was not me – he did not have a full supply of Powerful God Love, he just took mine.} ***

 Now there’s some sort of conflict & there’s a man conferring with us. I see Nick sitting to the left, the man sitting to my right in a small room.  There has been a vote as to who he should be with – myself or the younger female.  Whichever way they vote, I know he has to be with me.  If they vote her, I know it’s only because of age but age is not the best criteria for a relationship – age should not determine appropriateness.  So if they vote her I know it’s because of age & I know they are wrong.

But to my surprise, they voted in favor of me, 15 to 6. The old man told me,

“it’s 15 to 6”

And I said,

“In whose favor?”

He said,

“In YOUR favor.”

At last, I get some support! 

*** {THE VOTE IS IN, THE EXPERIMENT IS OVER, I KNOW THE CONCLUSION TO THIS:  The vote is the angels & saints I conferred with constantly as to what God wanted.  It is heavily in my favor, more than double the votes, that he should be with me, not her – neither of us can be happy any other way.

And so in May, 2022, I finally sent him a message where he knew I still loved him.  He did not get it right away because I was not friends to his FB, I had to use an intermediary, & he did not check his message right then.  But when he did, he responded & wrote about it on his FB & included answers in his next songs.  He was resentful I had not contacted him sooner. 

It was at this time I knew what the dream says, that his being with the other girl could never make him happy, nor could any other male make me happy, but sadly, it was the end & two months later he died of an overdose.} ***

 But since I saw that female talking to him in that room, it seems I left for a while, but I must get back with him!  Because IT’S WRONG!  He MUST be with me as it’s the only way both of us can be happy!  I suddenly REALIZE that now – why – because I sacrificed, & it DIDN’T WORK!  I must find him now! 

*** {SACRIFICE DIDN’T WORK:  This is saying I should have stayed in relationship with him, having sex.  Not give him up.  I was trying to get back with him but I gave him demands or requirements when we spoke June 2, 2022.  He could not keep those requirements, which were he had to give up Ruth Anne & go into rehab - then he was dead before we could see each other again, I suppose I did not make it easy for him to see me.  He said he could get a ride to my house out in the country but I discouraged it.  A devastating final ending.} ***

 So I go places where he frequents, usually groups of young men – here & there, but so far, have not found him.  I get to a fire station where the men have gone off to attend a fire.  One guy’s thick fireman overalls are hanging on a hook, I bump into them & knock them off & I’m on the floor & having trouble getting up.  There are no men around to help me but a lady is somewhat at a distance in front of me, wearing dark green.  She puts her hand out to me, it was all I needed & I am lifted up. 

*** {FIRE STATION, MEN GONE ON A CALL, I FALL, A LADY IN FRONT OF ME GETS ME up:  I don’t get this at all, Mother God, need help.

MG:  A fire call is an emergency, all are out.  One man’s fire overalls you knock off the hook,, & you fall down.  This might be the call of Nick’s death – when it happened, there were police & a fire truck in front of his house you were told.  All the males were alarmed, all on alert, at the death of Nick.  The pair of empty overalls belong to Nick – he doesn’t need clothes any more.  And you fall down is like fainting or being in shock.  No one holds you up but Our Holy Mother Mary who always saves you when times are rough, you were not stricken or unduly grieved, you knew the two of you would be together spiritually.} ***

Still looking for Nick, he suddenly shows up to my left wearing that luminous vest like road workers would wear.  His face here looks like that young man I met at the local supermarket {I spoke with him but nothing ever happened} & he is not lively like he was before – subdued. 

*** {SEEKING HIM HE FINALLY SHOWS UP – SUBDUED, WEARING A LUMINOUS VEST:  Oh my, the vest tells it all.  He is dead & in Heaven, radiating Light in other words.  He’s subdued because he’s no longer drug-happy, mostly cocaine where one gets talkative & animated.  We are together in Heaven, no more sex.  Symbol is that young male I used to talk to who quit the store & I never saw him again.} ***

 

I need to explain to him that we can only be happy with each other.  Leaving him with the other girl was a mistake, I need to rectify that.

But there the dream ends & I don’t see anything else. 

MEANING: 

ME:  I need help, Mother God.  I have a vague idea what this means but not the specifics.

MG:  It’s about the failed relationship of you & Nick.  You blame yourself for not getting back together when he called, no doubt, you discouraged him from coming over unless he met the requirements, & then he overdosed himself shortly after.

It’s one of those relationships that could not end up happy, like “Back Street” by Fannie Hurst – this woman was relegated to the ‘back streets’ of this man’s life.  So you were.  This reviews the case, & the first dream, so unpleasant, was the same subject, about a failed relationship.

You regret that after you got over the OBSESSION & God was once again restored to her rightful place, you did not get back together with Nick.  You regret not encouraging him to see you when he called, making stringent requirements he could not keep.  So it ended, in the earthly sense, in tragedy.  But spiritually, like the supposed death of Jesus, after his death, great good came out of it.  {Of course, you believe Jesus recovered from the Cross & made it to Tibet,} but generally speaking, the Christian world believes in his death & great salvation came out of it.

So in one sense, your loss of Nick physically is sad, but your gain of him spiritually is great.  You did get married spiritually & it’s forever.