Rasa Von Werder

7-14-24 Two dreams which explain a block along the road to seeing God Face to Face – Saints reveal it to me, I repent & I am free of sin

7-14-25 Old girl friends snub me

I was some place in public busy doing things, when I see 2 old girl friends from high school come by – Cathy Anderson, the most popular girl in our class, & Barbara Jones, one of the most beautiful. As they walk by I say to them,

“May I visit you? I’ve been GONE SO LONG *{gone so long from the path of spiritual perfection!}* & have so much to share! They ignore me; maybe Cathy shakes her head & heads up a staircase with Barbara following. I asked them twice but they did not relent. I have something in my hands I wanted to share.

I go outside & am on Grand St. by the old apt in B’klyn. I see a store with clothing in the window - fancy, one black with black sequins all over it like I used to dance in, & other glamorous outfits on display. But I think,

“I have ordered so much stuff on the internet it would be a moot point, unnecessary, to even look at this stuff on the street,”

so I don’t & keep walking. {End}

MEANING:

*{At first I did not know how imp. This was to my sadhana re seeing God Face to Face & didn’t even record it. But soon realized the meaning & how imp. it was. It’s about my internet shopping. I’ve been ordering clothes online {cheapest place I could find} for my new wardrobe – am giving away most of my old clothes - & this is to accommodate my body that’s gone 40 lbs lighter, but also I planned to have new outfits for my podcasts that were conservative.

But it’s gone too far. They make me offers daily, I was browsing their stores constantly & making orders. Getting more items than what was needed but when I thought about was it wrong I figured it was OK.

However, this dream tells me it wasn’t.

The 2 girls are the 2 Saints I’ve been studying every day – St. Mary of Agreda & St. Faustina - Which is which one is anybody’s guess. Maybe ‘popular’ might be Faustina as she’s famous for the devotion to Our Lord’s Divine Mercy – except I think St. Mary of Agreda is the greater Saint.

First, they shun or reject me. Something is wrong – I don’t deserve their company. The next scene says why - Talks about the ordering of clothes online & the store on Grand St. no point in even checking it out. So that’s it: My shopping online has gone too far, beyond the point of necessity, & I must stop.

As soon as I understood I put ‘trash’ to the daily letters from the company & have not even thought of making an order since. So I hope God has forgiven me.

The dream of the 17^th explains the result. {end}

7-17-24 Answer to the problem with shopping – My repentance & I am forgiven

I’m in a huge mall. There’s a section where my friends are – very busy areas, lots of people, all kids of wares. But I have left my friends & have gone off to a remote section of the mall where there’s a store called Bosco’s – the most exclusive store in our area. No one is here but me – don’t know why. It is very large, I don’t see wares any place, like its empty yet I know it’s not.

MEANING in parentheses

*{This is me leaving the world behind, on the sadhana to see God Face to Face. There is emptiness in 2 ways – one – I’m all alone in solitude. And 2, this is an internet store & I’m alone looking at things. There are millions of items here but I only look at a fraction at a time.}* But I do take notice of a small table upon which is costume jewelry.

It’s a small see-through box & inside all kinds of rhinestone pieces, including a huge ring. Just for nothing I place the ring on my left hand – it’s a huge middle with stones all around it, covering about one third of the hand. I think,

“This is WORTHLESS – nothing but glass.”

They are cheap also.

*{The things that are being sold here are WORTHLESS – just the things of the world WITH NO REAL VALUE. Compare to the rings Jesus gave me in Jan 1978, Our Betrothal, & the rings meant Faith, Hope & Charity, the last being put on the Wedding finger! Eternally valuable, the Theological virtues connect directly to God! And these are not cheap - or easy to come by!}*

I put it back & go to the entrance to leave. It’s been dim here the whole time, now I notice the manager behind me & she hastily gets the key to lock the front door & does so. I ask her why- she just sits here to the left of the entrance on an elevation not talking but I get the feeling they think I’ve done something wrong, like stolen something. Yes, it was near CLOSING TIME but she seemed TOO EAGER to lock the door to shut me in.

*{This is my transgression at shopping here after the need is over. But someone is judging me, wanting to lock me into my fault, for me to be unforgiven even though I have stopped looking or shopping. It was time to stop {closing time but it’s not quite that time yet, if I had continued it could have been past a fault, a sin. But someone wants to condemn me prematurely--before it turned to sin. Is this a demon? Or a harsh conscience of mine?}*

I tell the lady,

“Look you can see in my hands I have nothing & you may examine my purse. I have taken nothing.

*{Here I’m defending myself against any more shopping – doing wrong – God has told me more shopping was wrong through the persons of the female saints. “Stealing” could be compared to the money I have is for the New Religion & Order – stealing from the Church.}*

She tells me,

“You can get the door unlocked if you go to such & such a place do something, then another place, do another thing, & they will unlock the door or give you the key {this is vague but I must do things that are cumbersome, time consuming & annoying.}

I tell her,

“Madame, if you do not unlock the door I will go to the media & I will tell them what a cruel store Bosco is – to lock a customer in this way arbitrarily.”

She just sits there & I repeat my threat 3 times when she finally goes to the right, takes out a large item from a drawer which looks like an 1860 pistol {they were like a foot long!}, but which is the key - & hands it to me. So I will be free.

*{The woman is so ordinary looking she’s hard to evaluate. She’s short, average weight, maybe glasses, but it’s her behavior that gives her a personality. The way she RAN to look the door even though it wasn’t 9PM – closing time. It might have been 15 minutes of, but she was IN A HURRY to lock that door to close me in! This would be someone QUICK TO JUDGE, but WHO? No one knew of my activity with shopping. It might be a demon as one of his titles is ‘the accuser.’ And I have had a demon sent me by a certain lady lately, maybe she sent this one.

But what is me threatening her? Mother God, help. And what is the old time pistol that’s a key that she finally gives me? And of note is that she’s sitting to the left on a height or pedestal – this would be pride.

MG: This could be arguing with yourself, {indeed, one of my faults or sins is being quick to judge others!} saying hey, I didn’t know it was wrong. Therefore, I did not sin. As soon as I saw the truth I quit. So I must be forgiven & GET OUT of the place where this is – which would be a Purgatory where I would have to PAY for my sin if it was a sin. But it WASN’T. Her giving me the steps by which to get out of here is some unpleasant actions – penances - but I’m saying you’re judging me wrongly so just open the door, let me be FREE of wrong doing.

You finally win the argument & the gun being from 1860 is the Civil War when the slaves were emancipated so you are let go, you can get out of the guilt.}*

She disappears & I’m standing there looking backward & for some strange reason reach under my skirt & take off a loose pair of underpants in dull dark blue – I have a similar loose pair under that in dull dark red, both old garments. I remove the top pair & lay it on the floor by the wall, then think better hide it & open a door in the wall & toss it in there. Then I think,

“Oh no, I believe they have cameras that record everything & they’ll see me dong this & wonder what the F I’m doing. It’s nothing horrible but embarrassing.

*{ME: Again, I need help Mother God. What now – 2 pairs of underpants, both dull, old. I take off the outer blue, discard it here. A dull red one stays underneath. WTF is this?

MG: It sounds ike something to do with celibacy. There are two old layers covering our bottom. You discard one. Blue is sorrow, sadness or depression as depicted here & red is pain or suffering. It’s kind of like saying,

‘OK, I’m celibate now – again – which is supposed to be ‘painful in the eyes of the world. But I am discarding my sorrow or depression over it, I don’t want sex, I am free – I’m happy being like this.