Guru Rasa: Why did God make me turn Cougar after 30 years celibacy? the ...

I took this off a couple weeks ago because I hated the way I look - but now I realize I can't do much about it & am apearing in person again - for better or worse - & cannot make myself look as good as I did 5 years ago, at which time I was heavier.  The 42 lbs lost made me look much older in the face & some of my body has wrinkles.  But that is what it is, I must accept it.  After all I am 79 years old!  I do love being this thin & with clothes on my figure is fantastic, but the videos don't show all that.  They mostly show the faults on my face.  But in spite of al that, there is a good side.  Views have TRIPLED which my friends said they would & my dreams predicted success.  After all I looked at many YT videos where people are ugly, or old & ugly, but they are getting good views.  Seeing is a strong necessity for views.  So I am now resigned to accept this - & believe it or not, some men are still calling me beautiful & sexy!  Hard to believe, are they blind? My audience is 97% men!  Not sure if this applies to my subscribers or includes all viewers.  I am hopiNg to get a female audience but this will take much time - could be YEARS! Women don't respond to women! Can't get a sisterhood! But through all this I must have faith, hope, trust & confidence in God, that She is orchestrating my life, my work, & She will see it through according to Her Holy Will!  It's taken a lot out of me to get this far, to do the videos again & to appear in person despite the terrible dissappointment in how I look. I probably should have stopped losing weight 10 lbs ago - my beauty contest weight was 136, it was as low as I could get in those years, although at 147 lifting heavy weights every day I did look terrific in 1981.  But God hurt my arms so I cannot do all the heavy weight lifting I did before & because of my heart {several heart attacks in 2017) also I don't have the energy.  I am still lifting, but ony a fraction of before - my muscles are not as good. I have to live with this & do better.