STOP BEING SO SOFT!

          

stop being Mrs SOFTEE

   DIARY:   So many things went wrong the last few days I think God was testing me - but I got through it all.  My modem {on the computer}, for example, got fried - but I got it replaced the next day, the co. came out right away.  Then, my 2 debit cards when I tried to shop would not go through {I used a check, no big deal} BOTH of them & I had barely enough cash for gas!  Usually I keep some cash at home, but of course, this time, NONE. The bank resolved it next day & I learned something I didn’t know that also got straightened out, so blessing in disguise.

        What next, those amateurs at Pipe Dream giving me the RUN AROUND, I had had ENOUGH!

        And my heart condition looming over my head - but God gave me the ANSWER through William & Dr. Essel & that was FIXED - I am relieved & happy. I KNOW I will get WELL & that COULD NOT have happened by a stent, bypass or any medical procedure. But this diet will not only cure my heart but other items to be sure.

I have many things wrong with my body - will not trouble you with the list.

       So now all these things over my head like the 'Sword of Damocles' especially - the heart - have been resolved.

        And wishing, hoping for an interview with ANYONE I will STOP & just be nonchalant & BELIEVE the outcome, not sweat the road. Buddha says suffering is the result of DESIRE. I will not DESIRE, will live in PEACE.

        Doing what I do - mostly making BOOKS - makes me happy. Just to live a calm, quiet life without people stressing me out is what I want & need. Just to be left without people or things PRESSURING me. When the time comes things will happen but somehow by the Hand of God not so much by my sweat. I'm not going to GIVE UP some promotion, even sending out physical books- I got the mailers. But I will not sweat or worry if they answer or not.

    I am now determined to be HAPPY which is basically what God wanted when She told me to QUIT SUFFERING, have fun, no more celibacy, lol. I might have overdone it when I went out to have sex every weekend. But I think I understand Her/Me {we are One} - She just wants me to relax, not be pressured, driven, anxious, - relax, do what makes you happy - you're on a good road, just keep walking.

 

           Maybe the stress of the Pipe Dreams was partially my own fault, as I invited them to my house. Now my house is in chaos so I was pressured to get it straight, & time did not permit me to do it quick - & each day I thought about it, trying to get to it, but so many things prevented me - although I did a bit of it, it would take a couple full days to just open up every bag I have lying around, with new clothes, & put them on hangers. I did manage to put away all the old clothes, mostly to Good Will - I took about 12 large bags of clothes recently. And so I had room in tthe closets upstairs & did take a lot of the clothes I'm going to keep up there but not yet all of them.  So yes, I did some work but more to be done.

    I was also worried about my own appearance as they might bring a photographer - Need to have my face covered with makeup which I am so rusty at, I don't do it right - so I noticed by my podcasts. But my body is perfect.  The main worry also was the clean, decent backgrounds, not cluttered with al my stuff lying around. Do you see the Cross on my back here?

    I examine my own behavior. When they said an in person interview or zoom, kowing it would be a burden on me, I should NOT have suggested them coming here. Why did I? To be pleasing or accommodating to them! That's one of my problems: Mrs SOFTEE, always be pleasing to the other person, even if it's a hardship to myself. But it backfired.

    I should have thought,

    "What would be easiest for me?"

    The EASIEST by far is an e mail interview, not even a phone interview, but phone would be next. Aftr that, wait until I have Zoom set up - tell them they have to wait. And last of all they could wait until SPRING when I can drive over the mountain myself to meet some place.

    Even easier than that, why don't they just READ MY GODAM BOOK, which I sent them the PDF of, & write an article on that! - A review for God's sake. And they have reviews, they have a MOUNTAIN of info on my websites, books, all that! Why do I have to put myself out, & out, & out, & they don't even lift a figer in RESEARCH!  FUCK THEM!

        This taught me: STOP BEING MRS SOFTEE, IT BACKFIRES ON YOU!