Bro & Fam Tidbits

 

Chapter 13  Brother & other Family Tidbits

He was given everything but  failed.  I was given nothing but hate, & succeeded.  Why?

Written 8-13-22

 

          I came across some images of bro, his house & fam – I’ll spare his fam, just show him & in that context I’ll state again why I call him ‘evil.’ 

           in the first car we ever bought at the farm. He wrecked it, drove it into a ditch in a field & there it stayed.

First, him when he was young,  a wise guy who pulled wings off insects, was half the time despicable to me when we were kids {just his nature} & half the time alright {we did many sports & board games together, it was constructive}.  Only after my passing 12 or so {they made a pact to abuse me, I heard them} did he get bad on me most of the time – hardly paid attention to me unless it was squealing {lies & exaggerations} or beating me up when he got testosterone {prior to that I held my own even though I was 2.9 years younger}.         

Here he is, Mr. Big Shot, at his High School graduation.  He was the ‘saluditorian’ which means 2^nd behind ‘valedictorian.’  This all happened by happenstance & politics. Let me explain.

 

They made him ‘saluditorian’ because he was the President of his class {I don’t think they had to, it usually goes by marks. His grades were average – I saw his report cards – there was someone else passed over, who actually did get the 2^nd highest marks – because they chose bro Jim for some political reason - Probably his phony act that he was such a VIP {he had a delusional image of himself because Mom treated him like royalty.}

Now he became President of his class because he was vice-Pres to another guy, who moved, so he was stepped up.

He had been Pres of his class the first 3 years as well – Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, now Senior he became it by default.  You might wonder, what did the kids see in him?  I explain in Part 3 the details, where I name him Rigoletto, the Mad Clown whose schemes backfired on him. And bro Jim, you will see, did not fare well in the end.  Oh yes, he was voted MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED, the biggest JOKE because he should have been ‘Most Likely to Fail.’

There is the question of my Mother.  If she was so abusive to me, why did she pamper bro Jim & my half sister {we don’t know which of Mom’s 2 partners was her Dad, Marius or her legal husband but my bet is on Marius.  Why?  Because she told someone else when Dad came to the farm to visit us, grab the baby, call him the devil, run & hide.  That was a preposterous suggestion as Dad was non violent & the most perfect gentleman I ever knew.  It was just a ploy to demoralize him.  But the idea was ‘this is not his child, the lover’s, so he might harm her’ – nonsense.

OK, murderers & serial killers do not kill everyone.  They pick certain TARGETS or objects to them, who they single out for hate & destruction.  Ted Bundy knew hundreds of women, some he was close to, he showed no animosity to most of them.  He singled out females he saw that he ‘had to have,’ they fitted an image of a woman who had rejected him long ago – he pursued them & killed them, including a 12 year old innocent beauty in Florida they executed him for. 

The reasoning of those who say I am a ‘liar’ or I exaggerate, or it was my fault, or I just couldn’t ‘get along with Mom’ goes like this:  ‘She was nice to others.  Look at the favors she did for her love child, look how nice she was to others in the family including Jim.  Well, they weren’t her TARGETS – I was.  I was the designated whipping post, scapegoat & sacrificial lamb.  Evil people choose someone or other to vent their hate – not all people {look at Hitler} – they have reasons like envy, jealousy, the target won’t play my game, she resists my schemes, she won’t lie, cheat & steal, she won’t beat up on those I tell her to, she isn’t like me, not a comrade or bird of a feather, she wants to go her own way, think her own thoughts & actions, etc.  Those who go along with the program become part of the scheme & they’re SAFE FROM HARM.  They might have to sell their soul to the devil while on earth, it won’t stand well with God in eternity, but they’re good for now.

My younger sister, let’s call her Nihil, I was a surrogate Mom to. It really hurt when they turned her against me. I recall she was 9 years old – didn’t need a baby sitter any more.  We’re in Middletown in that goldfish tank called a home – I’m sitting at the counter in the kitchen, she comes to sit near me to just hang out, she admires me.  But then she is called upstairs by Mom’s best friend – for no reason, just to separate us.  Ten years later Mom dies, at her funeral, in the car, Nihil takes my hand & says ‘Things will be different now.’  Meaning, I assumed, they’d be decent to me. Those were the last words she ever spoke to me! – It’s been 43 years! I tried to reach out to no avail.  After Mom’s death all the younger kids of the family were told,

“Do not speak to Rasa about the past,”

and they don’t.  They ignore me.

I tried to talk to my niece once about long ago & she said,

“I’m not allowed to speak with you about the past.”

And so the SPIRIT of Mom’s HATE lives on!  How many generations will this go down to?  Who knows, none of the females in my family have had one child – including two young nieces, never procreated!  The females in my family, none but I had a child, & my daughter had 3 kids, & those kids have had many.  And so I turned out to be the only FRUITFUL one in more ways than one.  And so, my BLOOD on the other side has no one to hand down the evil spirit to.

Above & following, bro in the house Mom handed to him.

He graduated college – Hunter in NYC was it? – because a family member gave him room & board while he studied. Upon graduation he couldn’t get a job in the professional field that he chose – something like book editor. Mom then financed him to open a landscaping business – which failed.

Now Mom was doing OK as the head Chef of Reader’s Digest in Pleasantville, she had quite a few employees.  She got one of these to forward a loan of 10k {which today would be $94,056 – if this was 1965.  She did not pay it back; the lady had to get the bread from her estate.}

Myself – I asked for the used bunk beds from the Middletown house, Mom pretended they no longer had them – then I saw them in the store room. 

Mom was living in Pleasantville – Aunt Ara & Uncle Henry were in North Salem & the place Mom set Jim up in was Mt. Kisco.  All posh places in Westchester County, not far from Waccabuc, our original ‘Ideal’.

This had not only a romantic house but a business – called ‘Green’s Greenhouse,’ which they changed to ‘Mt. Kisco Florist.’

Below, behind the house Mom got him, in Mt. Kisco, a ritzy neighborhood.

Now if bro Jim had any smarts, panache or abilities, he could have turned this prize into a money maker, but he didn’t.  When Hillary Clinton, for instance, moved into the area to establish residence, I suggested he send her a large bouquet of the most beautiful flowers, he said,

          “What for?”

Oh, you dumkoff.  You could call the press, they might like you delivering these flowers to her doorstep as welcome, because you admire her.  Now you get this pic in the media & it helps your business.  He didn’t see it that way, he saw it as a waste of his valuable money.

One of our family friends was traveling a lot & brought him wood statues from around the world – folk art.  She gave them to him free of charge & would have brought more had he sold them.  But he didn’t because he was a dunce. 

Below you can see the extensive greenhouse  

He died July 9, 2015, age 72.

 Above - 4 months prior to his death age 72

The business gifted him could have been a legacy of half a million dollars.  Instead, he left his family in debt.  Now his poor wife, a senior citizen, had to find a job or starve!

This begs the question why, when he was favored so much, did he fail, while the daughter who was mistreated & vilified succeeded in ways no one ever dreamed of?  They gave me up as lost, they ridiculed at me at the dinner table where I couldn’t sit with them any more.  They had utter contempt for me.  Yes, it affected my life.  I was deprived self esteem, it took a lot to hold my head high.  But he held his head high until God took it down.  You can see in these pics he’s depressed, life has come to an end, not only has he lost his health which is our wealth, but he has nothing to show for his life – No accomplishments, no money for family.  His Purgatory, surprisingly was not long.  I know I had a vision of him when I temporarily died in Jan 2017, one of several heart attacks.  I was on stage in the lap of Pope Pius X11, the representative of Our Lord.  Jesus had promised me, ‘You will die in my arms.’

          Jim & Mom were sitting in this theater, watching this of me on stage, in brilliant light, they were in the balcony dimly lit.  This shows he was in Heaven united with Mom – wich I had always predicted, she was waiting for him, he was the only person she loved.  I don’t know why God showed me this.  I got out of the Pope’s lap, walked passed them & went outside – it wasn’t my time.

          Here I might as well give him credit for one favor he did me – He gave me like a mile worth of valuable plastic covered metal fence.  But even this was kinda’ flawed.  He got the fence for free from my Uncle Henry, who’d been working for Gilbert & Bennet.  They were shut down & gave him the fence – he gave it to Jim as Jim had an outdoor facility, he could also have SOLD the fence – it was in rolls.  But while we were talking on the phone, I told him I had just done some fencing, only snow fence, all I could afford.  He said he had lots of fence he could give me.

          He had a truck, he could have brought me the fence, but he didn’t.  I had to BUY A TRUCK – an old used bread truck.  I got my one employee at the time, Henry Mosser, an ex truck driver, {Henry also had only one eye like bro Jim} to make like 3 trips, where the truck was completely filled to the top, with this fence. Henry helped Jim load it up.  That was the only favor he ever did me.  But I am grateful, I did so much with this fence & still have lots more.

          'St. Esquire' above - the man God gave me to replace my evil brother.

    What did I learn from this incident?  Hold on when things are bad.  Wait for God to make it right.  Later in life, God gave me a real brother, whom I call St. Esquire.  He was my best friend for 10 years – he did me all kinds of favors & kindnesses, like making me a cake for my birthday, bringing it to me on the day by cab.  He also waited for me to return from one trip dancing, helped me carry the luggage up 6 flights of stairs.  He was such a wonderful, true friend.  He helped me build my video business by being my cameraman at first.  He took me & even my lady friend out to dinner.  We used to meet weekly at the Waldorf Astoria.  I can’t enumerate all the dear things he did for me over 10 years, he replaced the brother I never had.        

          And God also gave me the greatest husband one can imagine, Richard Von Werder.  Richard loved me in true love, I have spoken of him at length elsewhere.  These two men did more for me than everyone in my life combined; they made up for a multitude of sins.  Hold onto your hat when things go wrong, when people mistreat you, deprive you, hurt you for no reason.  Wait for the day God fixes it all & watch as those who hurt you badly meet their karma.  Not being revengeful, just see that God is Justice.  People make their own fate, their own destiny – go on the right road & you will meet success, those on the wrong road will fail.

 Again, things are not always what they seem.  Innocent, sinless people are hurt & killed – we can’t figure it all out.  But keep your Faith, Hope, Trust & Confidence in God & in her Good.  With that, all Good will come to you.  

Channel Bro Jim  written 8-14-22 

          As long as my mind is on him, might as well channel, which I’ve been doing for a while now.  Then I want to forget him. These people who hurt me are not fun to think about.  I wrote about him at length in Part 3, where I covered many of those close to me, but let’s review it. 

          ME:  How did you all perceive me when we were young, up to age 16 when I left, like how did you see me as a person & why was it easy for you to persecute me? Didn’t you have a conscience?  You were an altar boy, you went to the Holy Mass & received the Body & Blood of Jesus & Mary regularly.

           JIM:  We saw you as insignificant, just the average person, even below that – while we were superior.  In our minds, we saw us being great successes, like me, an editor in a posh office in Manhattan with an affluent life.

          You I think we all agreed, would be the average housewife, find an average man, have 2 kids, amount to nothing to speak of.  You might have an ordinary job, so would your husband, your kids would be John & Jane Doe’s.

          We did not picture you having any ability, talent, outstanding feature that would make you a star.  We did not imagine you could be sent by God or had a mission, or zeal, or an Anointing – nothing.  We saw not the slightest inkling of this.  We saw you as did David’s brothers saw their little bro, the shepherd, when Samuel came looking for a son of Jesse to Anoint {as the next King}.  They all stood in a row, tall, gallant, strong, & when he asked if there were any others – they said no one to speak of, just our runt of a brother in the fields tending the sheep, never mind him.

          And Samuel said get him,

          “No one sits down to table until he arrives.”

          When David arrived Samuel knew he was the One chosen by God.  Later there was the battle of the Philistines & the Israelites.  Goliath challenged any one of them to face him alone.  All cowered & were thinking what to do.

          David arrives with food for his brothers.  He says,

          “Who is taking this guy out?”

          They all laugh & tell him to go home, this is a man’s game.

          They had forgotten that David had killed a lion & a bear – {they thought of that as different} - & also that Samuel had Anointed him.

          But David was not afraid, because the Holy Spirit gives great Power to the Anointed.  When the Holy Spirit activates your body, you’re ten feet tall, your field of energy increases & you fear nothing.

          And David did what no man in his flesh could do.

          But we saw you in human flesh, had no inkling of anything inside you, good qualities or the Supernatural.

          All we saw was our little sister & you were pitiful because you had no defense against us.  We could do with you what we wanted, like bullies kicking a dog or a cat.  No one would punish us for it – no one would see or care.

When you escaped & went to California, we were all curious.  You quickly started to become a success, your name in Lights, Playboy, we were astonished & intimidated.  As the years rolled on, you became more & more famous, we were alarmed.

When a person is a nobody they can’t get their name in the paper.  They might try to write a book, no one would publish it; no one will interview them re being abused.  No one, in other words, cares.  You have a snowball’s chance in Hell to get your story publicized.  Assuming you remained anonymous, we were safe.

But if you became a celebrity everything changes.  People are curious.  The more famous you get, the more clout, especially famous like people take your words seriously, the more defensive we felt.  We imagined media coming after us to ask questions.  We would pretend nothing happened, you’re a liar, you exaggerated or else, we don’t remember.  We swore the younger members of our family to ignore you & if they saw you, never to speak to you about the past.  We made sure you were not invited to the wedding of one of our younger members to prevent any discussions on the past, you were not even told about the wedding until it was over. 

ME:  What amazes me is how everyone steps into line.  Didn’t any of these younger members make up their own minds, try to find out what you’re hiding, look at the picture in an objective way?  Why do they cave in so easily?

 

JIM:  In any organization or a community there’s a power hierarchy.  Those in power hold sway, like a boss at a job. If you do something wrong, you lose your job.  Families are like that.  Members in good standing get help, black sheep don’t.  They all want the help & support, especially in emergencies, & so, they don’t want to lose what they have by being a rebel.  But in fact, not all of them have complied.  Those who don’t agree have kind of made themselves scarce.  They don’t communicate with you but they also don’t hurt you – they just stay away.  You might have a couple friends like that except they keep their mouths shut.

To continue:  We knew you had an attractive body, but we didn’t know it was world class material, like winning national beauty contests or being in magazines.  There were things we didn’t fully understand, like why would some men reject Mom & her friends but seem to like you {Note Jim Doud the super handsome police officer}?  We thought Mom & friends were beautiful, we didn’t discern that your looks stood apart from other women, that you would some day be voted number 278 out of the thousand most beautiful women of the century.  You were like Marilyn Monroe, before her arrival in Hollywood & its grooming.  But men who paid attention to women’s looks, studied magazines & movies, saw things in you we didn’t. 

As far as me being an altar boy, going to Holy Mass, being religious, we all parked our conscience elsewhere.  We imagined ourselves to be good all week, like the guy

who told you he ‘gave Jesus the night off’ on weekends.  Again, it’s like this:

There’s a devil on our left shoulder advising us, & an angel on the right doing the same.  The devil does Satan’s work, builds his Kingdom, & speaks thereof.  The angel is of God & represents righteousness.  In the middle is the gullible flesh that can go either way.

On the right the angel repeats all the teachings of Jesus & the saints, or whatever good religion a person proffers.  But the devil advises a human according to their flesh, their flesh is weak, unless greatly disciplined & trained like that of the saints.

I our case, the devil said,

“Look to your Mother.  She has things to give you.  Stay in her good graces, you will prosper.  If you rebel against her, if you’re kind to Rasa, you will be disobedient to Mom.  Whose favor do you prefer, Mom or Rasa’s?  Mom can give you benefits; Rasa can give you nothing but her love – what is that worth to you?”

Then the angel says,

“Don’t hurt Rasa.  She has done nothing to deserve it, she’s innocent, it’s Mom who’s the bad guy. Don’t listen to Mom as she’s wrong & you know it.  Stay in God’s ways, don’t listen to the devil, God will reward you eventually, the devil is a deceiver & in the end, you’ll be sorry.”

As you know, we listened to the devil.

We were wrong, we were sorry later.  I repented, Mom repented because of your prayers.  We know we did wrong.  Those on earth will still be accounted for what they did wrong.  You are not the judge, you’re just telling your case.  You are no longer in pain from what was done – just innocently telling your story. 

ME:  And of course, some of the living are saying I am resentful, bitter, hateful – all the negative stuff.  It’s not true, if they would own up I’ve already forgiven them, but I’d say to their face, ‘I forgive you & I love you.’ And that would bring great closure to all of us. 

JIM:  You’ve watched enough Forensic Files to know that the guilty will sometimes plead innocent to the very end – even after they’re convicted.  Some will plead guilty to avoid a trial or for a leaner sentence.  Few people will admit to wrong doing just for the sake of God & righteousness – it’s rare.  So just live with it.  State your case, let the jury decide, let God decide.  You will not convince everyone but many will believe all you say – it has the ring of truth. 

ME:  What do you see for my future? 

JIM:  I see great wealth from your life story movies, I see 4, they’ll be like Rocky – that popular.  You might not live to see the 4^th, but you won’t have to, you’ll be happy knowing it all came to pass.

 ME:  About a year ago you appeared to me & asked me to help your children spiritually.  Have I satisfied this? 

JIM:  Yes, you have.  You baptized them by proxy – that was the main thing, then you opened your heart to them to sent them grace when required.  That’s all you can do.  They aren’t talking to you so you can’t preach, but you’re sending them help, so thanks, it’s all I ask.

 ME:  I’m glad you asked, I was glad to do it. 

  {End Chapter 13}