No Such Person Exists – Written Just for Fun

 

Joe Weidler aka Weed Eater

 

They call him the ‘father of body building.’  It can’t be because to be a father you have to have sex with women.

Oh Lord, to write the review I have to watch ‘Bugger” again.

It begins with his Mom giving birth to him screaming – she thought he was a girl.  Well, close.

The entire movie is streaked with him fighting off rumors of “gay.”

There’s the evil fat man who ends his dishwashing days because he doodles men on his breaks!

Years later he meets his wife while doodling men.  She comes home from work to see their whole dining room covered with man doodles!

Next, believe it or not, he makes it but a competitor accuses him of publishing a ‘fag mag’ because the motto is

“If I tell you you have a beautiful body, will you hold it against me?”

Now he’s on the beach chasing guys who run the other way screaming,

“I’m not gay”.

Joe cries out,

“I just wanna’ feel your abs!”

The movie would not have been a flop if he featured the muscle men more than himself – Because the weed eater has nothing to say except “I am not gay!”  And besides that, defrauding the public with false claims.

If you took his supplements you’d look like Hercules!  The courts disagreed & made him fork over some of the ill-gotten gains.

Finally, he dies. He was brain dead ten years before his body went; still claiming he discouraged the illegal drugs that made his ‘empire’!

The last scene zooms into some sort of palace, & lo & behold, there are the gold-framed painting on the walls of the greatest body builders – proving whoever dies with the most doodles wins.

But it’s not over yet.  His last words were:

“Make sure you leave Kellie Everts out of the history of female body building. Photo shop her out of the 1980 Miss Olympia.

And the pic with my little head on the torso of Bobby Bobinson - proliferate that.

He is on his last breath.

 “Oh yes, any images where Kellie is standing with Arnold, cut his head off.”

Over & out.