8-14-19-WOMAN THOU ART GOD III – Installment Three

Embodiment of GodWoman

    A New Religion Which Teaches Women to Worship THE GOD WITHIN.

        This is not a new, original concept, it has existed for THOUSANDS OF YEARS but it’s not been applied TO WOMEN ALONE, FOR WOMEN, AT THE EXCLUSION OF MEN.

    For ONE of the bases of this ideology, see the teachings of Baba Muktananda, Siddha Yoga, worship of the ‘Self’ (NOT the ego, the God Self!’)

    No one is saying men cannot do this—they can.  But we are stepping aside from them, seeing God as Mother, as US.  And we want, need to have SAFE SPACE for our devotion, which means men, stay away, leave us alone, don’t interfere, don’t bother us or harass us, don’t give your opinions.  (And we believe that when men worship God, the same way, their God is Mother, not father, as there is no ‘father God’ – it is inappropriate as the male is not a REPRODUCTIVE VEHICLE.) 

    Jesus Christ also underscored the God in us when He said to SEEK WITHIN,—The Kingdom of God is not ‘here or ‘there’ but within you.

                OBJECTIONS

    

    One friend asked about the mistake of worship of EGO – How does one prevent this?

    No doubt, there will be unspiritual people who already worship the world, things & themselves.  They are devoid of the grace of God & therefore, will misunderstand.

    I had a Bogi Yogi long ago, when I was twenty three, who told me,

    “God created us, then went away, & we must realize that WE ARE GODS.”  (Jesus actually said ‘don’t you know that ye are Gods’ but even the words of Jesus, Buddha or any saint can be misinterpreted.)

    This ‘man’ was a demon, completely self centered & self absorbed, & so he got this philosophy wrong to adjust to his ignorance.

    God LIVES WITHIN US.  It’s called ‘grace,’ ‘indwelling of the Holy Spirit’ – whatever way you may describe it.  My way is this:

    God always was & always will be.  She has expanded Herself, manifested Herself in all creation.  All life is HER, she is within it on all levels, the spiritual & physical, energy & matter.  There is no place where God is not, (except in those creatures who reject the Love / Energy that is God, & shut themselves up, of their own volition & decision, in places of darkness, limitation, ignorance, which contains all the evil where IN CONSCIOUSNESS God ‘is not.’  In other words, God does not de facto send them anywhere, they simply shut God out of their mentality, they don’t want to see, hear, taste, smell, sense or feel God.)

    Other than that, God is everywhere & we do not have to seek God OUTSIDE, FAR AWAY in strange or foreign religions, in places unknown, in esoteric secret lodges.  All we have to do is understand GOD IS INSIDE ME, SHE DWELLS IN ME AS ME, I AM HER ENERGY, SHE IS MINE, meaning deep inside my soul or being.  But I must make an effort to GO INSIDE as God is not communicating AS MUCH (although She does) physically as She does THROUGH ENERGY. 

    How do I reach this place INSIDE, this Realm of Mother God?  By simply bringing MY ATTENTION THERE, which means I MUST STOP paying ATTENTION to numerous things OUTSIDE ME, to people & things - & this includes all the surface stuff demanded by men, family, which has its own agenda (to be taken care of) while my agenda as far as spirituality / religion is to SEEK MOTHER GOD & WORSHIP HER – PUT FIRS THE KINGDOM OF GOD!

    Indeed, the Science of reaching this God Within is called ‘Mystical Theology’, which means the way to find Union, Oneness with God, the way to know, love & serve God, the way to be guided, to hear the ‘still, small voice,’ the way to have vision / understanding of God in various ways, especially THROUGH THE INNER SENSES.

    What are the inner senses?  You have physical eyes; you have spiritual eyes that see VISION.  You have physical ears; you have spiritual ears that HEAR THE VOICE OF GOD, OR HER ANGELS OR SAINTS, the still, small voice deep inside.  You have the sense of smell, with spiritual olfactory nerves you can SMELL PURGING OF YOUR SOUL (I have) & you can also smell what is called THE SCENT OF HOLINESS (I have) or the smell of the Presence of a Holy Soul like Saint Padre Pio (I have, a sort of tobacco, incense), you have the sense of touch, you have spiritual touch where you can feel the closeness of God, you have the sense of taste, & you can also taste exquisite offerings from Heaven.

    You also have MENTAL communication with God where you can receive a WORD OF TRUTH from the Holy Spirit,  or a greater UNDERSTANDING of Truth, or a greater WISDOM about life, decisions, pathways, dos & don’ts.  You can dream dreams which speak to you of God, you can have mental vision & understanding when God reveals to you certain TRUTHS – such as I am doing here writing this new religion. 

    Woman, thou art God!  I urged you in Part II to think twice about giving yourself to men for THINGS.  Indeed, they have impoverished us (through stealing our resources) & made us dependent on them so they could dominate us & have harems.

    But if you decide it’s NOT THE PATH FOR YOU you might be doing yourself a favor.  Most women, probably 99%, give in to the idea that they are somehow indebted to society to create a family.  YOU ARE NOT, just because you have glands does not mean you have to get pregnant.  We are no longer animals at the mercy of nature, we can make a choice, we can prevent pregnancy, we don’t have to have a man over us, we don’t have to be servants of men & additional children to add to the burden of this planet. (by burden I mean pollution & taking up the habitats of other animals, making them starve & go extinct, & creating boys as ‘cannon fodder’ for the man-made wars.)

    But you say, ‘my instinct in life is to be a mother.’  Alright, be a mother.  Be a mother to the numerous children that need one—are not orphanages, all over the world, filled with millions of babies?  In war-torn countries infants lie in makeshift beds, starving for food & care & especially, love.  Every country that has been occupied by foreign forces or torn by war leaves in its wake thousands of needy children & these kids are often rejected by the local women, they won’t even change their diapers.  Why?  They are ‘half breeds’ or kids of the enemy who ravaged women, raped them, injured & killed the natives, so the children are not seen with love but hate, as they think, ‘why should I care for the child of the enemy?  Let him die like I wish the enemy would die, it is his blood, why should I support this?’

    Because of this problem a new attachment disorder was coined, RADS or ‘Radical Attachment Disorder.’  This type of malady is so serious it cannot be cured by normal routes, they have not even figured out how to heal it or remedy the symptoms.  They discovered RADS when people started adopting kids from overseas in war torn lands, in particular, the Ukraine.

    You want to mother someone?  Help one of these kids, or those with less of an injury. 

Surely the US is filled with needy kids as well, although many are born drug addicted, as we live in a miserable, drug-infested society because THIS IS PATRIARCHY.

    You can be a mother in many ways besides having your own.  It seems to me, the preponderance of wanting babies comes from the male, who longs for a boy to dominate, to be admired by him – it’s an ego quest.  And do you know the statistics of men abusing their own sons?  Based on these & my own estimate, half of all male children are sexually abused by their dads.  And the girls, statistics say half, but IMO it’s way more, as just like rape does not get reported, neither does child abuse.  It’s the easiest crime to commit.  I believe 75 to 90% of all girls get abused by their Dads.  This does not even include all the outside men who abuse children.

    So you want to create a family where the chances are they will be abused by the Dad, create them to please the man?

            THE QUESTION OF LOVE – THE HAPPIEST I’VE EVER BEEN

        I know we all seek a man for love.  But I will describe to you the happiest I have ever been, & the most miserable.  The happiest occurred when I was WITH GOD, had turned my back on people, the world & things, & spent ALL of my time praying, reading spiritual books, going to Mass, & BEING ALONE where God could REACH ME WITH NO DISTRACTIONS.  This went on for years, & in the last year, I was completely alone & saw God face to face twice, the greatest ecstasy that cannot even be DESCRIBED.

    When I saw God face to face I did not see Jesus, or a person of any sort.  I did not see my relatives in Heaven – no human.  God appeared to me AS NATURE.

    First, the force of God cascaded from a mountain high above, into a chasm just beneath me as I stood in a balcony in the mountains.  I was there with my physical senses, & felt the snow on the railing to make sure.

    Then about six weeks later I left my body again & appeared in a magical woods of all colors.  As I broke through the trees a Golden Ocean appeared to me, I knew that it was God, it was Love, & This & I were ONE.

    I tried to see the horizon, but the more I looked, the more it expanded – this was Infinity.

        MY RECENT MISERY – WISHING FOR THE LOVE OF A MAN

    I’ve gone through many periods of misery in my life, the family abused me, hardships of work & survival, love affairs where each one brought back the PTSD of my youth.      But I’ll share my recent bout with trauma that underscores many things I warn women about—being involved with & drained by men.  (This is not by any means always the case.  I’ve had two men in my life, one a best friend for ten years who helped me enormously, the other my fiancé / husband of sixteen years who did wonders for me, may he rest in peace.  It isn’t always bad, but too many times it is.)

    This is a case of ‘what can happen when the man you love is sick, needy, possessed, wounded & no one can help him but you, you love him so you jump in deep water, almost drowning in the process.’

    In 2008 I had been celibate for the sake of God for THIRTY YEARS.  After the first ten years God told me I could quit, but I didn’t want to.  Another ten go by, God visits me again with the option of quitting.  I say no.  Here comes God again, the thirtieth year & says to me,

    “This time, if you don’t quit the celibacy, go out & have fun, you will be OUTSIDE 

THE WILL OF GOD.”

    This is an offer I can’t refuse, as my entire life is based on Obedience to God, & Zeal for Her Queenly Realm.

    I go out & work on this “fun” business which is as foreign to me as Timbuktu by now & within three years of ‘having fun’ I fall in love with a guy.

    This is the man you love is sick, needy, possessed, wounded & no one can help him but you.

    From the time we met with love at first site to some degree both ways, eight years have passed.  The day I met him God showed me in dreams THIS IS YOUR HUSBAND BUT IT’LL BE A SLOW BOAT TO CHINA.  (She wasn’t kidding.)

    Since, like most young men, he was a whack job, he gave me the WRONG NAME but not the wrong phone.  When I called the woman said no one there by that name, so I figured he just wanted a one-night stand & case was closed, I must have misinterpreted my dreams.

    The next three years, I never saw him.  He was like a phantom who appeared & vanished.  How was I to know he hung out mostly at this bar where I never went which was right by the bars I did go, ‘having fun.’

    During these three years I did some partial work for Mother God but of course was distracted by ‘fun.’  All I kept thinking was,

    “How do I have fun & keep working for Mother God?  Perhaps I can segue this fun into Female Empowerment the following way:  teach that old women can have fun, lots of sex, they are free, sex is sacred, include the cougar idea, etc.”

    And so, I did just that.  I became a photographer of ‘America’s Most Beautiful Men.’  It was a lot of work, I had to join agencies,  get males from all over the US, house them, feed them, put up with their bullcrap, endure the dangers they presented (police were called twice) & pay them royally.  And all the favors I did these boys the axiom is:

    “No good deed goes unpunished.”

    From the work done from 2012 to 2016 I ratcheted about 50,000 images, from which I made two books & had become versed in photo shop.  When I was in it, I was in it all the way, but finally when I got out, the thought of these guys repulsed me.

    Back to Lover Boy--three years after our fateful meeting I ran into him again.  I was at one club & my inner voice told me ‘go to this bar immediately.’  It was 20 minutes to closing time, I rushed.  What could await me?  It seemed like nothing, I said, ‘God, are you pulling my leg?’

    As I headed for the door to go home I see this tall young male with shortish hair, a beard & mustache, handsome, & I say to him,

    “What are you doing tonight?’

    He says

,

    “Being with you.”

    It isn’t always that easy, but sure enough, as I walk to my car he’s following me.

    That night, it was March, 2014, I asked him what he thought of me, & he said,

    “I WANT TO MARRY YOU.”

    I was totally shocked.  This was one of the best looking & sexiest males I had ever had the pleasure of mating with – just like that guy of three years ago.  And he wanted me, an old lady!  I told him I felt exactly as he did – that was my consent to the proposal.

    It was only AFTER this second encounter, when he left, that I realized  this was THE SAME MALE I HAD MET THREE YEARS AGO who I fell in ‘love at first sight’ which God told me was my husband, & during this encounter this male had said “I want to marry you” – Yowza, it was the same guy, but his appearance was so changed (as before he was clean shaven with thick curly hair, now the hair was gone & he had a beard & mustache.)

    .

    Now the next five years I want to encapsulate in the shortest time possible as I don’t want to overextend this issue, only to make a point, & this situation I describe illustrates what we might go through when we do love men, & no, I’m not in the least bit sorry I experienced what I did, just saying I know what life is like, beware, be ready, be armed, be warned, & be protected.

    Perhaps the best way for me to deal with this lengthy & perhaps tedious story is for now, 

just give the conclusion.

    The conclusion to being in love with a needy man:

  He must have had thirty demons, not counting the wounds upon his psyche put on by brutal parents.

    For about a year & a half we went ‘steady.’  Of course his version of steady was to see me when he wanted sex but at no other time, the rest of his leisure was spent hanging with guys, ‘partying’ they call it (& when girls/women fell his way he would do them, but it was not serious) – which I wasn’t a part of because I didn’t take the drugs they did.

    After that year & a half of mostly his ‘games’ & sometimes my ‘comeuppance’ to make him jealous, him hurting me, me hurting him,  I did him a huge favor, I was going to promote him & make him a star.  He did seem like he wanted a career – he was trying for it.

    That effort on my part laid a bomb, & instead of being grateful, he denounced me as ‘exploiting’ him, using his images TO MAKE ALL KINDS OF MONEY, while he made nothing, & his reward was to stop speaking to me & this for nine months.  He would not listen to me that I had spent thousands in the hope of promoting him to stardom, he believed his own ignorant delusions & those of his friends (mostly ghetto dwelling losers, failures, know nothings.)

    After the nine months, he sought me out again & we had ecstatic love, but it was once every month or several months, we were not in the right place at the same time, he did not allow me to call him – gave everyone his number but me – blocked me on face book & everywhere else, & although he sought me out periodically, he had some ‘steady’ relationships & finally met one female he moved in with.

    Now you would think ‘it’s over.’  But I didn’t.  God spoke to me in my dreams & through channeling & told me it was like in the beginning, after the slow boat reached China, we’d be together for the rest of my life.  This was repeated, over the years, in a thousand dreams.

    At least five days a week, I would see him in my dreams, knew his disposition, if he felt good or bad about me, if he was being demonic or angelic, if he was my bad husband (like my first) or good (like my second), if he loved me or had turned his back on me.

    Then in the last year or so, almost every dream about him was positive.  He was coming closer to God & me (one & the same as God sent me to him.)  My thousands of prayers with sufferings were bearing fruit.  God was telling me our ‘marriage’ whatever that represented, was imminent, get your wedding dress ready.  I had no idea what God was talking about, because there was no recent contact with Beloved.

    He had written a poem of repentance which he posted on the internet.  He was sorry for all his mistakes, wished things were the same between us, he was in pain & misery, he wanted me to take his heart & keep it forever, he wished we were ONE, etc.  He did not put my name as he lived with another female, but I knew & I think others guessed it was about me.  He also said he had sold his soul to the devil for partying & popularity, & now he feared it was too late to get his soul back.

    This repentance was accepted by God & myself--the next time we saw each other, Easter Sunday.  I had forgiven him & his prayer & mine were made real.

    God showed me in a vision, not a dream, what had transpired.

    Before my eyes appeared a soft white cloth, like a stole or prayer shawl, made of vanilla cashmere, just one cloth, suspended in the sky, with a garland of leaves embroidered in the middle – just one strand, not two like the laurel leaves of victory. Soft light surrounded this cloth.

    As I gazed upon it there were no things, nothing of the world, no people, just absolute peace, a peace as I had not known in years.

    I asked God, is this the marriage?  God said yes.  The cloth I knew had been two pieces which had been joined together, but it had no seam, no indication of having been two, it was one seamless, perfect cloth, suspended in Heaven, it was our SOULS, which where it says,

    “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder,”

    & for the first time in my life I understood what the SACRAMENT of Holy Matrimony means – if it works, then the two souls actually, literally become one & it is forever.  (I never knew that, thought it was only a ceremony, but it is a Sacrament instituted & made real by God.)

    Now this relationship is not over, it will go on forever, & at some point, my husband will leave the person he’s living with & join me – not sure where the ‘slow boat to China’ is right at the moment.

    But my mental / emotional / spiritual condition has changed since the object of my desire has been reached; we are spiritually married in a Holy Sacrament & I know we’ll be together in the flesh some day, the angst is over.

    Recently my associate, seeing the blog I have has once against become active, mentioned that it had ‘laid fallow’ for years.  I checked the years.  The blog went somnambulant in 2014, when Lover & I started going steady, & it came back to life because I AM NO LONGER BEING DRAINED.    

    What was I drained of & what has come back?  I was drained of ME – MYSELF – MY GOD ENERGY.

    A God Energy is INFINITE but it works through a finite body.  God uses not vessels of gold, silver or copper, God uses CLAY VESSELS & this clay can break.

    I am by no means telling you women all men, all relationships with those you love, work this way, I only say some do, & I simply explain what happens with hard relationships.  Not saying you shouldn’t have them – I have no regrets – just saying choose your relationships carefully.  Is the price you pay worth the reward?  Or is it killing you for nothing?

    In this case, I paid for my husband & he is mine forever spiritually, & will be physically in due time.

    But during the time of travail, there was nothing left of me to do God’s work.  I tried & tried, filled with anxiety, self condemnation, hating that I was of no use to God, all I could think about was the man I loved.  (How I yelled at myself inside, how could you make a human no. 1?  God is not first anymore, how could you do this?)

    As I sent him my love – for years – I did not get love in return (he had the NEED for love, the DESIRE & he knew I could help him, but he was so WOUNDED he was not capable of giving it).  It was the same as EXORCISM.  When you do exorcism, be warmed, the demons fight back.  They are the exact opposite of Love, they hate & fear Love.

    When Jesus walked the earth, when he entered the atmosphere of demons, he did not have to say a word, they recognized him--how?--by his Love.  When you have, emanate, send, give Love, the demons shake & tremble, they scream, they act.  You give God Energy, they give HATE, RAGE, REJECTION, all types of them give all types of energy including that of CONFUSION, LETHARGY, DISCOURAGEMENT & the like – they return to you for love all that they are, which is evil.

    Now consider, what happens to you?  How does being sent demons make you feel?  They DRAIN you.  It is EXHAUSTING to do exorcism, as anyone who works these cases can tells you.  My favorite show is “The Dead Files” where Amy Allen explains what the negative souls & demons do to people. They never make anyone happy, jolly, energetic, enthusiastic, inspired or motivated.  Demonic ones – as well as demons themselves, ‘steal, kill & destroy.’  They STEAL YOUR JOY, they kill all the life within you; the desire to live, work & play, the inspiration to enjoy life, they destroy your great motives & projects, your health, your happiness.

    Why did he have these demons?

    He had them because he was BRUTALIZED & abandoned by his parents from age three to thirteen.  He had severe psychological, emotional wounds.  Demons latched on to each wound, for instance, being REJECTED or UNPROTECTED, abandoned by one parent, gave him a wound of rejection, & a demon of rejection entered him.  He was PHYSICALLY INJURED by the other parent & DEMORALIZED & there demons of hate, rage, revenge & self hate entered him.

    How demons work was illustrated by ‘The Crocodile Hunter’ Steve Irwin, when he was feeding a croc.  He’d hurt his arm & it was bandaged – the croc went for the wound, he could probably smell blood.

    Demons see where you have serious wounds, which you cannot diminish or erase, (how can a small child cope with abuse?) which seem to hold onto you—they are traumas--& they enter there. 

    I did not have to do formal exorcism on him to get the demons bouncing back, all I had to do was think of him with love, which I did each day, & this went on for years.  Of course I did not analyze it at once; it took years to figure out what was going on, toward the end of the ordeal. 

    Finally, when the battle was nearly finished, I said,

    “My God, my energy is coming back, I’m beginning to feel like MYSELF again, my normal self.”

    What happens in exorcism is the demons fight you, you fight them, until either you or they give up.  They gave up, but there were so many, & they were lodged so deep, it took years to destroy them.  When the battle was over, he still had the wounds, but they would be healed in time – years perhaps, but they would heal.

    And it meant my ordeal was over, I could breath, I could think, I could feel Mother God again, I could sense her Presence.  And Mother God is not someone far away; She is the Real Me, the God Inside.

    I also noticed that before, when I was alone, I felt LONELINESS.  That was because Mother God – the only thing that can make one happy – was absent to me.  I could not feel Her in my heart & mind, my vision was clouded, my heart was polluted not by sin, but by pain and anxiety.  Have you ever noticed when you’re in pain, you cannot think, pray or meditate?

    Imagine a family member or a pet has gone missing. Imagine your life is being threatened. Can you think straight, can you meditate, can you pray except to beg for help? 

    All I did basically, for years, was beg for help.  I could not do Mother God’s work except to repeat, send out, promote what I had done in the past.  I could not perceive original work as I did not have her Vision:  ‘Without a vision, the people perish.’ 

    Late in 2018 my abilities started to return which meant Mother God – myself – my True God energy was returning.  I did new, positive activities, & not suddenly, at once, but in increments the inspiration / motivation to work for Her began again.

    While fighting for my Beloved husband, I felt like I was in a straight jacket or coffin, I could not break out of where I was.  It’s yearning for nourishment, each day there is none, you cannot see to work, you can only try, & try again, but can’t do anything great, just recall what you used to do, repeat the past but right now you’re dead, all but buried, you’re not living, you’re existing.  This went on for five years.

    Do I regret loving this man?  Was it worth it?  It was worth it because I obeyed God.  God told me to ‘go out & have fun’ knowing what was ahead, that it wouldn’t be fun, it would be a struggle, but it was something I would learn by struggling.

    How does this apply to the new religion?  What message is here for it?  In the new religion, I point out how valuable is your energy, your vision, yourself, that you & Mother God are ONE & you need to take time, attention for HER / YOU.  Sometimes you can give it, sometimes you can’t.  But try to take all the time you can, when you can, FOR YOUR OWN PRICELESS LIFE & HAPPINESS.

8-14-19

To be continued