XXXXIII THE SECRET TO MY HAPPINESS

The New Religion for Women Only – Woman, Thou Art God

         Haven’t we all heard that term a guzillion times, from smart people, dumb people, all kinds of people,

         “Happiness is within.”

         Most of them don’t even know what they’re talking about.  In order to have that happiness within you have to go within, be within.  What is within & how do you get there? 

        First clue:  You remove yourself from what is without, without means outside of yourself.  What is outside of yourself?--people, things, concerns, the world, & thoughts & feelings thereof.  In other words, you remove yourself from everything, as much as possible, except your immediate survival needs.    

         Not saying 100% everything – your survival needs remain;  food, shelter, going to the bathroom, staying clean, keeping your surroundings in reasonably neat & clean order, basics taken care of.

         Why this abstraction from life?--from people?  From events, things, worldly pursuits, friendships, etc.?

         Because to say ‘within’ means ‘within’ – it’s not just a word as it is for most of these ‘pundits’ who mouth clichés.  Inside is your happiness because it is the NATURAL STATE OF YOUR NATURAL SELF.  Inside, not outside, lives your God-self.  Why is the outside ‘bad?’  (Why did so many saints in the past & even today become hermits, recluses in monasteries, convents or residences?  What’s wrong with going outside, being in the world, having fun?  Isn’t that happiness?  Granted, bad things happen, but good things happen.  Isn’t it normal to be in the outside world?)

         The ‘outside world’ is normal, but seldom brings true & lasting happiness, because this happiness depends on so many CONDITIONS.  When you seek happiness outside, you are usually disappointed, & frequently hurt.

 But inside the Soul, the God-Self when you reach it, there are NO CONDITIONS.  This Natural Self, who religious people call God, never stops loving us for one split second, never ‘judges’ or ‘condemns,’ is not harsh, is not selfish, manipulative or exploitative – is never cruel or hard hearted, is not petty or jealous - this Self loves the person 100% without a ‘reason’, through good or bad, always wishes you the best, seeks progress when you fall & fail, holds you up emotionally, comforts you & guides you to your Valhalla.

 This God Self within is perfect & has all the attributes of God, Her qualities, Her virtues, Her Powers, & at times when it seems that She has dealt us a heavy blow – say we get cancer - there’s a REASON for it (but sometimes it has nothing to do with us, our actions or lack of them, it’s a karma beyond what we can comprehend that might have to do with others or the future of the world.  Some things cannot be explained until we get to the other side.  But if what we suffer was not in any way a teaching mechanism, tough love or even purification, you bet your bottom dollar when we get to Heaven the Almighty will make up for our suffering MANY TIMES OVER.)

         WHEN THERE ARE REASONS FOR OUR SUFFERING

         Sometimes God has warned us again, & again, in this way or that, but we don’t listen.  God has tried for many years, exposed us to knowledge, books, writings, teachings about say, ‘don’t smoke, don’t get exposed to radiation any more than necessary, don’t eat carcinogen foods--charcoal broiled meats, take care of yourself with healthy foods, clean water, pure juices, take your rest.”  But you don’t listen to the warnings of God through the natural channels – you get sick, thousands of illnesses happen, including cancer.

         A good friend of mine was stunned when her healthy, athletic husband got cancer on his back – the worst kind – melanoma.  They did not catch it early as the doctors were booked, made them wait months; by the time he was diagnosed it was ‘stage 3’.  Nevertheless, with her help, he lasted a long time – it would have been merciful had he died in an accident.  For seven years my lady friend went with him to each oncology procedure, thirty operations, slowly, ever so slowly, going downhill.  The first three years he still worked, but then couldn’t.

         I sat down to analyze the situation, I meditated & prayed.  Then I asked some questions.  How long did you work at that restaurant?  He said eight years.  That means for eight years he stood, fixing submarine sandwiches WITH HIS BACK TO THE MICROWAVE OVEN – which means RADIATION, & that is where he ‘mysteriously’ got the melanoma, starting on a huge wart on his back.

         I got that Eureka moment when I knew why he got sick, called my lady friend & blurted it out.  She was not excited, heard me out, did not take it seriously.  I said to her

         “I hope you don’t use a microwave at home.”

         She said indeed they did, but it was nothing to worry about, it was kind of high up, higher than the one in their restaurant.

         They have an exquisite house with two kitchens, in fact, a third kitchen in another building by their house – he was a chef – all kinds of equipment, toaster ovens, regular ovens, fancy barbeque outside – you name it.  I said to her,

         “Why must you use the microwave?  You have so many other venues to prepare food – this is radioactive, it’s dangerous, it causes disease.”

         She said to me,

         “I’m addicted to the popcorn.  I make it every night in the microwave.”

         I repeated the dangers of this type oven to her so many times but she scoffed, saying the usual things,

         “And I could die of a car accident tomorrow.  I just love the popcorn, you’re taking it too seriously.”

         After ten tries, I quit warning her about it.

         While the husband was ailing, she was a monument.  Years dragged on.  None of the chemotherapy cured him, just made him sicker.  More things went wrong.  Finally, after seven years of torture, he succumbed & was gone.

         The person I worried about even more was my friend, Amelia.  I know what it’s like to care for a sick person, how it drains you—I took care of my first husband (age 17 to 19) for two years before he died.  She seemed indestructible.  But by the seventh year, she collapsed from pneumonia, right at her place of work, & it was downhill after that.

         The worst news came one day after tests.  She was at home standing when the hospital called.  She had cancer in both lungs, she fainted upon hearing it.  This is a woman who cared for her husband for seven years, he dies, & two months later, this.

         All the dreams of her life were now shattered.  This was a blow one might not recover from.  Fearing possible death she tried to visit with all her friends while she still felt good.  I was invited that Christmas.  The first thing I did upon the tour of her house was where was the microwave?  Secretly I pattered into the kitchen.  It was level with the lungs.

         “God whispers to us in our pleasures & shouts to us in our pain.  Pain is the megaphone of God.”

         Amelia has changed since the cancer.  She was always been a good person, but now she told me she’s much closer to God.  Sometimes terrible things bring us closer to the One who loves us.  And also –God tried to prevent her cancer, but she refused to listen.

         Last Tuesday we went out to lunch, she was driving.  I got into her van & she said ‘buckle up’ which I did.  She then said,

         “And don’t tell me to buckle up.  I refuse to do it.  I could die in some other way, it’s my choice, I hate tyranny.”

         You write the end of this story…………..

         There are other reasons why people suffer.  A Priest friend of mine from India (a good one, not one of those pedophiles, he’s a saint & when he prayed for me I saw lights) – told me that just as he was supposed to depart from India to America, he developed cancer.  The sponsor told him take care of it, when you’re well, then come to America – which he did.

         In his sorrow he called out to God, why this?  And God said to him,

         “For your purification.”

         And I can attest to his purity.  My friend called him – he has a ministry close to the hospital I go to – asked him to pray for me as I was going to get some gall bladder procedures.  While he was praying, I saw blue lights inside my head – a sign of God’s presence.  When I met him, I knew it was him.  The light of God was shining all around him, he’s a saint.  He brought me Holy Communion, I was lifted to the Heavens by his presence, he made my entire stay at the hospital a Sacred event, & I’m helping him bring more Priests here from India.

Other reasons God allows trauma & suffering:  to change the course of your life, from bad to good or from what it is to something better, it’s always, always a teaching venue, oh my God, how you have taught me through suffering – almost all that I know came because of it.  God NEVER WISHES US BAD, ‘to those who love God all things work for good.’

         Now back to going within, leaving the outside world.  First, I must explain - & this is important – these states might not be FOR ALL TIME FOR YOU.  Although it was his entire life for Ramana Maharshi, from age sixteen when he entered the state until death – for you it might be for a time yes, for a time no – as it’s been for me so far.  Why God orchestrates it this way, I don’t know, but I know God wants to take us as well as others, to our greatest good.  When you enter what mystical students call ‘the interior life’ or ‘the life of perfection,’ you DEVELOP YOURSELF.  You see, hear & learn things of the Kingdom of God that you never knew before.  But when you leave the state & go into ‘active life,’ you reach others.  You might reach them with your knowledge, intelligence you gained while ‘inside.’  And so, of course, God always want you to help others, but most of the time, not at your own expense, certainly not to your own destruction.  (Yes martyrs destroy their life or someone does, but their Beatific Vision is so high it makes up for it.)

         HOW THE SLIGHTEST TOUCH WITH PEOPLE, THE OUTSIDE WORLD, TV, ANYTHING OF THE OUTSIDE, CAN KNOCK YOU OUT OF YOUR PEACE OF MIND & BLISS

         You must understand that when you go into the ‘deep’ or the interior self, nonduality, the Bliss of God-Self, the tiniest contact with people, the world, the flesh, can knock you out of your good state like a bolt of lightning.  Here is an example.

         I was celibate but married.  We didn’t live together – he had his own house in Ct., he visited me 33 days a year (his count.)  I never watched television, I hated it because it took me away from God, it had been a year or two since I had seen TV, & it was he who bought & installed the TV into my house as he couldn’t live without it.

         When he came over I said,

         “When you watch it, please put the sound as low as possible & I will put the room divider in front of it so I don’t see it.” – Which is what he did.

  

         Then  I walked through the area of the living room where I was past the room divider, glanced at the TV & screamed.  It was the Regis Philbin Show.

         This show brought back to me a phletora of memories, all bad.  In one instant, my mind was bolted with evil -- back to a hundred memories. 

         First being on the show as the ‘Stripper for God.’  A crazy obese tarot reader condemned me as being a fake.   (Cathy Lee was on my side, bless her.)

         There was a pimp on the show who later told other TV producers that he had saved me, thus I became ‘the Stripper for God.’  I didn’t even know the guy.

They promised me a copy of the show, the pimp got one, but I didn’t.

I approached Regis during a break about the tarot reader & he gave me the brush off.

All these thoughts entered me instantly, I was knocked out of my bliss.

This is how ONE PERSON, one look at TV, one thought, one feeling, one event, one anything, can pummel you with MEMORIES of the past that drag you into it.  You worked so hard to FORGET ALL THAT & now here it is, present, right inside your head, & you have to work to get it out again.

It isn’t that the world, the flesh, people & things are evil.  They are of a different frequency, vibration, world than the world where you see God.  God’s frequency is higher, more sensitive, finer by light years, than the world.  To pick it up you have to have your mind open, tuned in, you are vulnerable.  The world vibration is gross, crude, people are the same way – you cannot have your mind & heart wide open with them, it will hurt.

And as I said, that person called God inside you, when you’re tuned in, you will feel pure & perfect love, & that is your bliss.  Seek this kind of love outside; it will be a miracle for it to happen.  You’ll be lucky not to be tortured; your own family could be the ones bringing you down.  The world does not guarantee happiness, but this God within you does. 

And so remember, Woman Thou Art God, seek the God within above all other things.

To be continued   Rasa Von Werder   11-22-19