6-18-20-MAN COMFORTS ME I HIM
(My lover John is in great misery due to our separation)
6-17-20-I STOP MAN JUMPING
OUT WINDOW (Lover John feels desperate but regains hope about our togetherness)
6-16-20-I BLOCK MY GOD SELF
(When I doubt God I lose touch with her & sink into my miserable flesh)
6-20-20-SAINT & ANGELS
COME TO MY AID (I call to saints & angels in my need, many answer my call,
including, surprisingly, lover John.
He’s not an angel so this is him as a ‘saint’--it proves he loves me in truth)
Interpreted for friends – It’s no one you know
Man comforts me, I him:
I’m in my room by the window – don’t know which residence. Looking out the window I feel kind of LOST,
unwanted, and lonely. The feeling is no
one wants me or cares about me, I am all alone.
A strange thing happens.
A man comes barreling up the alley behind my window on what I thought
was a motorcycle. He’s amazing
looking. He puts his hand on my window
cill when he stops & I put my hand on his.
An amazing sense of warmth passes through our hands. Not sure whose warmth goes first, but it goes
both ways. We disengage & moments
later we touch hands again.
*(MAN: Lover John,
the warmth we shared, the emotions, both sexual & spiritual. He comforted me, I him. We needed each other, we were & are in
love. He speaks to me mystically when
our bodies are apart.)
He is beautiful & sexy in a macho way. His hair is waist length, jet black, shiny
& sleek, it hangs not in dred locks but in curly strands, amazingly
long. There’s something real sexy about
this hair.
*(SEXY HAIR: I am
stumped. Calling on Mother God for
help.
She: It’s the way he
THINKS, his personality that comes from his thoughts & feelings, his
mindset. You found this extremely
sexy.)*
His arms are exposed, they are totally covered with
tattoos, very attractive—his arms seem muscular. He’s wearing large sunglasses, wrap around,
they cover much of his face so I can’t see too much of that.
*(ARMS TATTOOS, MUSCULAR ATTRACTIVE: Stumped again, Mother God.
She: Tattoos are
pictures, messages. Again, it’s the
messages in his ‘arms of love,’ his desire for you – one of those guys who
‘talks with his hands.’ Arms as you know
are the strength to love, hands are giving of it.)*
This revelation surprises me. Then I see the man standing strangely looking
with his back to the main street, he’s across the alley looking what to him is
straight, to me is left. He’s doing
NOTHING, just standing with maybe his hands in pockets, just a plain standing,
nothing happening. His body is covered
by sort of strange clothes with some sort of head covering. Colors are brown, the shirt is tucked into
his pants.
I call to him & he comes over to me. I want to see what he looks like. My contact with this man has been emotional
& now it gets moreso when I see his state.
He has on a MASK & he moves the mask to show me his
face & somehow, THERE IS NO FACE.
This is hard to describe but I now realize something really serious
happened to this man – an accident that left him in a gruesome state, his body
is greatly injured & I say,
“You have NO FACE!”
*(ALLEY BEHIND MY WINDOW:
I know this is John as he called for me there.
NO FACE: But now he
has ‘lost face’ which means his self esteem is TOTALLY GONE by my not being
there, ignoring him, not looking for him at all. His state is GREUSOME.
THE
MASK: His pretense, ‘Oh yes, I’m the
great pretender, pretending that you’re still around. Lyrics to ‘The Great Pretender’:
Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such; I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell.
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such; I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell.
Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
A drift in a world of my own
I play the game; but to my real shame
You've let me to dream all alone.
A drift in a world of my own
I play the game; but to my real shame
You've let me to dream all alone.
Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal.
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal.
Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown
Just laughing and gay like a clown
I seem to be what I'm not; you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around.
Too real is this… )*
We are communicating for a while, then he takes off the
mask again & shows me how he looked once upon a time. It’s an intermediate state – before he lost
his face but after the trauma, not his best but when he still had a face.
His left eye is lost, it’s whited over, his skin is
swarthy, his hair is thick black, wavy & rugged—there are creases on his
face & his face is sort of wide & his cheeks round—he looks like he’s
been through a lot. I say,
“Oh, I see you were once handsome.”
*(SWARTHY FACE:
Someone who’s been through a lot, like a sailor who was almost
shipwrecked, swarthiness could be SUNBURN which says ‘pain.’
This might refer to a time in the past when I told him ‘no
more sex until the relationship.’
He took revenge on me by eventually having a relationship
with another female that’s been dragging on for years {but in some way is now
over}. He wanted it both ways when he
lured me back to sex, but now I’ve cut him off he is the one with ‘no face.’)*
He’s satisfied that I said that.
*(ONCE HANDSOME: He
was once in a better state, but he was HALF BLIND, or unaware of something.)*
Another scene: I’m
at my apt in B’klyn & this same man is here but now not as damaged. Somehow he’s partially healed – he even smiles
a lot. I know it’s him by that whited
eye, but his face looks much better, his body seems normal.
*(EYE STILL WHITED:
He still doesn’t see or understand why I am not trying to contact him.)*
My Dad is here also & I tell both of them my SISTER HAS
MOVED IN. I tell them that because both
my Dad & this guy are now living with me.
The man now wears a WIG made of all red braids, looks just like a mop or
a RAG DOLL wig. The wig somehow hides
his head injuries, wounds or scars.
*(MAN SMILING-NOW IN MY APT WITH DAD: This is John in an improved state, suffering,
but hoping for union or marriage with me.
It gives him comfort, but there is still something he doesn’t
understand.)*
Another scene: I am
in a different location & am LECTURING on a certain point. People are all around listening to me. Then one of my associates to the right – a
female I think, tells me,
“There is a group of homeless young males wanting to come
in.”
*(HOMELESS YOUNG MALES:
I sense this is my lover John, who is the same guy on the motorcycle
with ‘no face,’ but he is comforted by accessing me somehow. The other boys are basically just saying
‘guys like him’ also access me this way – it’s my speaking videos on You
Tube.)*
I say,
“Let them in.”
When they enter I tell them to take seats.
They enter the room to the right, which has a green
Christmas tree there, covered with real red poinsettias. They play with the poinsettias, scattering
them about. They are delighted that I
allowed them in, gave them shelter. They
were homeless indeed.
*(XMAS TREE WITH POINSETTIAS: This sounds like my lover John accessed my
speaking videos, where I make ‘points’ – I preach, teach & explain. This alleviated his suffering, as he can
access me this way. He can see me, hear
me & get my stories & teachings.
So he is getting a lot out of this, it’s like Christmas to him.
HOMELESS: Is when a
person is lost, has no center or place of protection & security. This seeing me in videos made him feel he was
with me.)*
The group of them looks underprivileged, small in size like
runts. One boy’s face I see clearly, his
nose is peculiar, reminds me of an animal I have seen, he looks comical. Sort of a pyramid shape, hard to explain.
*(PYRAMID NOSE: It’s John getting ‘to me’ through my
videos. Why is he looking like this – a
runt - & comical face with pyramid nose?
She: He’s your son,
your child, he realizes that now so he is ‘humbled’ & appears like a
‘runt.’ The pyramid nose – the nose is a
SENSE, smelling, tasting, sensing is like ESP, his inner sense brings him to
you – recognizes some reality he might not have seen before, the meaning of
your relationship. Prior to this he was
on a ‘high horse,’ a ‘pedestal’ with you.
Now no chasing, he sees he’s your little child. You have asserted your dominance over
him. The
PYRAMID: is a sign
of perfection, so he is seeing THE TRUTH.)*
What was so unusual is at this moment of my loneliness
& isolation he drove up here & comforted me with his warmth—there is
great sexual meaning here but it’s nothing gross or crude, it’s spiritual as
well – like an angel appearing from Heaven to comfort me.
*(COMFORT, SEXUAL & SPIRITUAL MEANING: We had sex, but our exchange contained love
& spiritual depth.)*
I look at the traction his motorcycle left on the ground in
this alley – deep furrows – it’s been raining, the ground is black, the furrows
are deep, as if a motorcycle had been here several times.
*(BLACK FURROWS: He
was here several times looking for me.
IT RAINED: tears or
sorrow, that I wasn’t there.)*
But then his motorcycle is empty & it isn’t what I
thought it was at all – it’s a walker with wheels, the kind Rudy (a disabled
friend) has – it’s a vehicle for a DISABLED person with a black vinyl
seat. This isn’t sexy at all.
*(OVERALL
MEANING: This explains how devastated
John has been by my absence, but something has given him a lift, not sure
what. His hopes are up & he feels
things will improve.
DISABLED
VEHICLE: He was disabled or unable to
achieve his goal – couldn’t get to where he wanted.)*
………………………………………………………….
6-17-20-I STOP MAN SUICIDE
I’m in my apt in B’klyn when I see a man, dressed in a
classical grey suit with white shirt, maybe a tie, looks professional – this
man is at my bedroom window & halfway out to jump 6 floors down, commit
suicide.
He’s already halfway out when I grab him & pull him
back, then I have him lying in my arms & look at his face. His right eye is looking down to the left
corner, like down to the middle of his body, while his left eye is somewhere
else.
*(SUICIDAL
MAN: This is John the lover, who is
GREY SUIT: mentally
{grey is usually brain matter/mind} out of his mind & is halfway to killing
himself because
EYES 2 WAYS: he
can’t see straight, which means understand something. Could be because
MY BEDROOM: I am no
longer making myself available to him for intimacy/sex – this is driving him
crazy, he can’t understand it & is desperate for my love. He once had a
WINDOW: of
opportunity at my bedroom/window. He
can’t understand what’s happened. I’m
having multiple dreams about his confusion & misery.
PROFESSIONAL ATTIRE, WHITE SHIRT, MAYBE TIE: The white shirt hints at marriage, the tie,
something formal. He considered us a
married couple although he didn’t publicly announce me.
MY SAVING HIM: He
hasn’t lost hope, however, something I do or have done brings him back to
hope.)*
……………………………………………………………
6-16-20-I BLOCK MY GOD SELF
(Great lesson in this.
God does not enter us or find union with us AGAINST OUR WILL. The famous pic of Jesus knocking at the door
shows no HANDLE on the outside, the person must open the door for him to
enter.)
I’m with my daughter in the old farmhouse, in my bedroom.
She’s AVOIDING me. I
look for her – she has gone beyond our bro’s room, which joins ours, & is
in the hall talking with a man, whispering.
She has the room door closed with a thick fleece sheet, might be pink
& blue, & she has made a room of the space of the hall—not a good area
but she wants to escape me.
*(SHEET OVER DOOR:
There is what they call a VEIL between God & ourselves, my flesh for
a while went to her own side – lost the intimate contact with me.)*
Then it gets even worse, she’s in Mario’s room & I hear
her talking with what sounds like a black man with a deep voice—they are
speaking low so I can’t hear them.
*(MARIO’S ROOM: This
is the key to WHY she lost contact with me – her God self – the worry or fear
of losing HENRY, her lover. Mario’s room
always represents separation from the man who is loved.)*
Then I see my daughter standing by a wall, perhaps looking
out the window, in a robe. She young,
like a pre-teen.
I go to her & try to befriend her, get close, but she
repels me. I am a great energy, I try to
get close but her force field repels me, (I feel it strongly as I try to move
close) I cannot get within two feet of her.
I cry out,
“I AM GOD!”
But she mutters that this (me) is Satan.
*(GOD VS SATAN: In
my human self, at this time the dream says my doubts & fears over the lover
ousted the Great God within me – I left God as I entered into this negative
thoughts, lost faith in HER temporarily.)*
I am wearing a
diaphanous mint-colored robe, it seems to be made of sort of clouds, & I’m
holding it open as I try to come close to her but can’t.
…………………………………………………………
6-20-20-SAINT & ANGELS
COME TO MY AID
I was greatly troubled during the night, nightmarish fears
of the multiple obligations before me. I
called out again & again to the saints & angels to help me.
I then went into a deep sleep & people & my past
animals began to appear to me, all in a friendly manner.
A female across the street came to visit, & she brought
with her many boys, all of whom circled some sort of lawn-island in front of my
house – all the boys were wearing black, some had on hats Indiana Jones style
with some kind of small reeds on them (like straws) - all were around 12-13,
really boys, not young men. It seems
they belonged to her somehow, like they were Boy Scouts & she was their
leader, & they are here for my benefit – not sure what they’re doing but
they are here to comfort me, & feel better.
*(NEIGHBOR LADY:
Symbol of Mother God – could be Holy Virgin, seems like her. She brings to me
BOY SCOUTS: dead men
who are my sons or clients, who I helped out of Purgatory, now come to my
assistance. The
STRAW or REEDS, {one in each hat}: represents ‘dead’ because you get straw only
after the wheat dies, & their
BLACK CLOTHING: says
‘funeral’ or they are the dead & their activity,
DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING, JUST STANDING THERE: Is when people visit you just to show they
are your friends, there is no ulterior motive, like they are not your
employees, not looking for anything other than to support you.
Then another female comes, then another. I’m confused as I don’t know who they are or
why they’re visiting. I say,
“Is this visit your neighbor day?”
*(NEIGHBOR LADIES:
These are the ‘angels & saints’ I called for just simply visiting
me, no motive except to show their love.)*
Then someone suggests we go inside. I am reluctant as everything is not perfect,
like all in order. But as I look around
the rooms are large, nicely furnished, I see an oriental rug in one room,
mostly blue, the rooms are dark & kind of cool – inviting. The floors might be black lacquered wood.
On a couch there are two men visiting me – don’t even know
who they are. Then yet a third man
appears sitting on the couch – all these people just appear - & he’s
strikingly handsome with honey blonde hair – He puts his hand for me to shake,
I do so in a warm manner. He has a
strong look of love on his face. He’s
wearing an attractive suit, a true green color & embossed on it are the
same color checkers – like ‘tic tac toe’ checkers - I’ve never seen a material
or suit like this. I am to the back of
the couch; he’s sitting in it as he greets me.
*(MAN IN GREEN SUIT:
This is either a saint from Heaven, who was martyred or someone on earth
who has or is experiencing martyrdom. It
might be my Beloved Husband who I have not been with for almost a year, he
seeks to visit & comfort me. The
TRUE GREEN SUIT:
Might be saying ‘he’s one of the living.’ The WARMTH of our hands touching, reminds me
of the dream of the biker who gave me his hand to comfort me, then he showed me
he had NO FACE.
His
hair & also look of love – when I saw him I felt an emotion I didn’t feel
from the other men which again says ‘this is your Beloved.’
TWO
MEN: This dream is filled with people I
say I don’t know. Maybe I don’t, maybe I
know some of them. These might be saints
or angels.)*
Then I want to introduce my dogs to them. I go to a further room & there on the
floor lies GaGee Boy – except he doesn’t look like GaGee Boy – he is much
smaller, like a chubby tiger cat, maybe 40 lbs, real cute, I pet him lovingly,
his fur is so thick & pleasant to touch.
*(WHO IS GAGEE BOY: MomGod, stumped.
She: Gagee Boy is
you in your dealing with John. You were
the ‘big dog’ that scared him & some of his friends. You’re no longer scaring them as you’re not
around, your ‘ferocity’, shown here as a ‘tiger’ has diminished, you are
‘dormant’ in the relationship or ‘lying down’ being petted like a tame cat.)*
Then I look for Fruitcake, who I loved so much & who
was so loving & suffered so much.
Someone put him into a ‘dog house’ made of material like a stove or
fridge, I bend down, the door to him is closed. (Door closed, he was confined.)
This house is equipped with birdseed, packets of it like
with millet, & there’s this European white cheese, a cheese with a skin—I dislike
it, & I have said ‘no one wants millet, not even the birds, that’s why it’s
cheap.’ I see many servings of this
cheese on plates, but they are packaged to give him periodically – like this
house is some sort of prison where all is provided but freedom & the
outdoors – food, fresh air piped in. But
to my alarm way back in this house are canisters with ice, I fear does this
make his house way too cold? But then I
see he has some sort of system in the back of this house which blows in fresh
air {this is a hint where John lives the place has a back yard, another clue
it’s John}. I don’t like his
confinement, I have opened the door to this house & I encourage him to come
out, & I see him halfway out. {—I’m beginning to get him out of it—must be
my God Self as I’m doing nothing.}
*(FRUITCAKE - SOMEONE PUT HIM IN THIS DOG HOUSE: This was hard to decipher but I think I got
it. When you ‘put someone in the dog
house’ it’s usually your husband who’s out of favor.
Fruitcake again represents lover ‘John.’ He’s in a ‘dog house’ an appliance like a
refrigerator where I look DEEP INSIDE & see canisters of ICE & have
great fear it’s TOO COLD in there. This
is our relationship ‘on ice’ or on hold—it is not active or warm.
The food – is the emotional nutrition he’s getting. It’s terrible. This love/sex does not satisfy his HEART.
The CHEESE is the sex as ‘cheesecake’ represents sexiness
in a woman. This sex is the
birdseed/millet nasty cheese food. After
all, having sex with someone you don’t love is totally different than doing it
with the one you love.
His BODY is getting all that he needs – a house, food/sex,
air, etc. but he is imprisoned, confined.
In other words, you’re in a relationship where you have a
roof over your head, the air you breath, food & sex, but you are not free
to be HAPPY WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE.
Fruitcake is John & I am HALFWAY RELEASING HIM. I have no idea how I’m doing this unless he’s
getting psychic messages.
MomGod,
what do these two disclosures have to do with a dream where I’m calling for
help?
She: This is explaining that our underlying pain
is not the problems you face in life right now, but your separation from
John. This is making you feel lonely,
insecure & isolated – the same way he feels as the ‘man with no face’ &
the ‘homeless boy.’
When
people are separated from the person they love most in the world, they feel all
alone, abandoned & even afraid.
Everyone
in this dream is those who love you – either on earth or not. He’s one of the people on earth.)*
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