LOVER GOOD BYE

 MY DEAD LOVER - HE KNEW IT WAS COMING - SO DID I - I WARNED HIM HE WAS ON THE ROAD TO DEATH UNLESS HE STOPPED DRUGS

NICK DEATH FANTASIES

 

His posts on Face Book under dates stated - mostly 2022 

His SoundCloud music under “Nick Lambo13”

 

Words gleaned from his song, not exact, but hard to understand all the words: 

“Death callin’ my name, they wantin’ my body

doin’ drugs, feelin’ numb

Mentally fucked up

Mind is broken

Devil right beside me

Early grave

My life – you can take it

Havin’ death fantasies

My life – you can take it

Devil keeps talkin’ beside me

My heart’s frozen

No one to lean on”

Below: How he looked waiting for me near my apt:

ME:  This is NOT A HAPPY MAN.  Look, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the DESPAIR in these words.  Why despair?  I was gone, he didn’t know what to do, or if he did, he was too weak.  And that became obvious when he finally called me June 2, 2022.  His crazy ‘friends’ keep all talking now, hundreds of them, about him on his FB.  They think they wee so important to him.  It was surface relationships – I’ve been there.  I had thousands of ‘face book’ friends.  When I left FB only 3 of them are still my friends.  Yes, he saw them in person but it was for things that kids do – playing - & partying with drugs & alcohol & dope.  It was a substance-induced charade.  They all miss the theater of drugs with Nick – he was their star.  Star gone, no more fun.  That’s what they miss.  They were not on God’s side, trying to save him, just wanting to have fun with him.

Below:  How he looked when we were 'going steady': 

Actually the pics directly above & below were during the time he was not speaking to me for 9 months - 2017 - He was angry at me for putting his nude images on the internet - his friends razzed him - & he had the new girl, the drug enabler.  But of course he couldn't stay without me after that & we reconciled.  It was always like that - break up, make up, break up, make up, for ELEVEN YEARS. During this time his expressions I think you can see have an empty, forlorn feeling.  Th last pic, we are together.

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

July 25

"Check it out!!!!!

Death Fantasies out now!!!!!!"

Below, the only live performance he gave since age 17, rapping the song he wrote about us, apologizing, asking forgiveness, saying he had 'made mistakes' 'here's my heart - take it' etc - After that I saw him again, which was not only a reconciliation but a MYSTICAL MARRIAGE - United in Eternity - Nothing could break us up spiritually after that 'What God has joined together, let no man put asunder'

Below, cover of his 'album' 

 Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

July 21

"Cause if I don’t say it all here I won’t say nothing"

 Below:  a terrible night he betrayed me, you can see the coldness in his face. I was waiting for him, sitting with this black girl. He appeared,  the black girl made eyes at him, he saw it as an opportunity to hurt me - revenge - & pushed me aside & spoke to her the rest of the night.  I was so broken up & almost cried. I can still feel the pain. He had so much anger at me because not so much what I did, but his feelings about 'Mother' - I was her, so I had to be punished.

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

July 11

"I love that I literally made this for me myself it’s like making a painting that you have no plans on letting go that’s what this basically is just something for myself to go back on and I love it and that’s all that matters about this one!!!!!" 

Below, him as a tyke. He was sexually abused by a male of his family - that's why he was taking drugs &  'psychotic.' His bro suffered the same fate, also psychotic, has been in jail the last 5 years. Tragic as he was given this sentence, whatever it is, at age 20. Spending his best young years in jail. 

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

 July 8   He says:

“If the devil can’t get close to you he’ll take what mattered most to you so he can watch you fight your demons everyday” 

ME:  He’s talking about the devil taking me from him – You ask what mattered to him the most?  The True Love of a Mother that I gave him – I was the only one he looked to that way.  His ‘friends’ wanted to believe how important they were.  Yes, he drugged & partied with them, it was substance-induced joy or happiness, not real.  The only REAL LOVE he had was from me.  Unconditional love, not using him as a drug partner or entertainment object.  Just wanted to save him but I was blocked.

 How he looked a couple months before he over dosed - Him in red - He had lost that 'blush of youth' - Started looking more like a regular man rather than the phenomenon I met from 2011 {he was 19, I was 66}

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

June 25

Pick a side you gotta follow when that casket ride

-XoX

#DeathFantasies 

June 5 & June 9  – May 28 – May 27 – May 24   he announces his SoundCloud number:

XoXNicky – Overcame it all

 

This rap is about how he OVERCAME NOT HAVING ME ANY MORE  {I was absent from the scene & he wasn’t man enough to contact me until it was TOO LATE.  But he suffered like a dog, his songs say so, my dreams vividly portray it.  Instead of doing the right thing – calling me & speaking to me sanely, he mollified himself with MORE DRUGS – which finally killed him.  The reason I know this is about me is because after I messaged him on FB through a friend, he said something like, ‘Now she contacts me, after I overcame it all, she should have made her moves sooner, now its too late’ – words approximate.  He said this in a post as well as in his songs.}

 

Nicholas Anthony VanDunk

Dec 18, 2021   He says:

“A psychic said I’d die at 28 in three hours we will cheers to 29 ”

ME:  The psychic was not far off, it was 6 months later, Aug 14, 2022, he died.

 I told him dozens of times he was on the road to an early death due to drugs. Every person who channeled for me agreed with me – half a dozen people.  This would have been averted had he quit drugs.  But he was too comfortable with his enabler, Ruth Anne, & all their ‘friends.’

The demons had possessed him.  I knew about July 2022, had the strong feeling ‘It’s over.  Our relationship is over, it’s done.  Nothing can be fixed any more.’  It wasn’t just our relationship, his LIFE depended on it – if he did not come to me he was doomed by drugs, & he wasn’t moving toward me although we reconciled, & then it happened.

Below, him about 16, him at work age 28, him age 16, his 4 year old son

OK I am worn out from going through hundreds of his FB pages. Now it flipped back to the front & it’ll take 10 minutes to scroll back down, so I’m not going to do it, I have work to do.

Suffice to say that in the last times after he wasn’t seeing me any more, he spoke about the devil & Satan & death a lot.  He said, if you’re not happy it’s because you don’t have a soul.’  He said ‘When you sold your soul to the devil he’s going to come for you.’  ‘It’s payback time’ – all these are from memory so it’s approximate.  And he spoke of HIS DEMONS time & again, many doom & gloom statements.

He knew he was on the broad highway to hell & that highway was ‘Demon drugs.’  I was the one & only person who stood on that highway with the sign ‘STOP’ but he went around me.  However, I did save his Soul possibly from Hell or a terrible Purgatory.  It showed it in the dreams.  His Purgatory was only 10 days because of me & he’s united to God through my Soul for all eternity.  He’s happy now but the earth equation didn’t work.  I am also reasonably happy as I got over the earthly angst, released him from my flesh, surrendered it to God, & was made free.  And so, there wasn’t any notable grief for me at his ‘parting’ because we did not part spiritually.