Cougar Lifestyle Explained

 

8-28-24 Mysterious dream

Message will be in new book - My time as a cougar & it not being what you think - Great danger to spiritual life.  But I snatched the victory from Satan beause I did it at the behest of God

                I’m in a very large building,- bleak, & am watching with someone else an event that is taking place or else took place.  This place is made of 4 buildings – similar to when I lived in the 6^th floor walkup in B’klyn, there were 4 buildings, one on each side, with a courtyard in the middle.

        The inside walls of this place are yellow.  I know it’s open to the sky – so it isn’t Purgatory, & it’s a long way down.

        The person I’m with is short, small, a bit more than half my size – gender unknown but I will say ‘he.’

        What we see is a triumphal event of an enemy – the leader is receiving some kind of symbol of his success.  Everyone is rejoicing & I see this person with a white band on his right arm {these are all men, like an army} & a red swastika - Nazis.

Are we safe here?  Don’t feel so.  The scene I described is a main person, another ‘important’ character beside him & many men surrounding them, to the left & right, on a lower level.

The symbol of success this leader receives is like this:

There is a ‘cap’ like the kind you slide down your head, knitted/stretchy.  But this is neither knitted nor stretchy, it’s a bright red plasticky or leather look alike with a “hem” around it a couple inches, - neatly made.  Attached to it is like the hair of a person coming out a bit on the bottom, it’s gray but not the gray of ‘salt & pepper’ or middle-age gray, just a dull gray.  And from this hair comes a 3’ tight hair cord like a tail, & on the end of it a tuft, about 6” long & it spreads out about 6” wide.  This reminds me of something – the 1988 movie of Jean Claude Van Damme “Bloodsport.”

In it Jean Claude is injured by a brutal fighter in an illegal action – he lands in the hospital.  But his friend gets even for him & brings  Jean Claude the CAP {knitted, snug} of the enemy – he’s beaten him so getting his cap is the symbol of victory.

Now the scene has ended, but fallen quite a bit below {like 20’} is that symbol!  Why they left it behind & how it’s there, like is it hovering in the air or on something, I don’t know – just that it’s there.

My friend is a cheeky little fellow & he declares,

“I’m going to get that thing!”

I fear for him, but he jumps out our window & sails to it & has it in his hands, but how will he get back up?

This is debated & after a while I see a ‘stump’ made of wood, 2 parts to it, below our window left, also painted yellow but the paint worn down, & I tell the little guy to jump onto that thing if he can reach it, then to our window.

But alas, he can’t reach it.  Now I don’t know how this happened, but I am then also out the window & there in the middle of the courtyard, in the air, I find some sort of table {also painted yellow worn down}, & this table is the KEY because we can climb onto it, & from there, easily reach the window, & it’s such a relief – happiness!  We are safe & friend has the symbol!

But…..an odd thing happens.  The hat & the hair became separated, & the hat is gone as if someone with sharp teeth, like a dog, gnawed the cap & hair thingy apart.  We ponder this situation.  I tell the friend they have to go together or the meaning is lost.

Now we are inside the buiding & little friend decides to take a walk.  I’m not sure I want to explore – this place seems dangerous.  After all, it was the headquarters of the Nazis & who knows what is here.  There isn’t a semblance of real life anywhere, nothing, all is empty, bleak, just nothingness.

We arrive down the hall to a door.  The door seems mottled green & he says,

“I wonder what’s behind that.”
I want to say,

“No, don’t open the door, it might be dangerous,’

but he opens it & there inside is nothing but huge blankets, big enough to cover giants 10’ tall, they are all crumpled up, a gray-blue color & it’s dim here.  This was the flop house of the Nazis, they for some reason at some time slept here, crude the way it is & now they’re gone – in fact – the entire building is empty.   {End}

MEANING:

*{ME:  Wow, I will need help Mother God.  I do have a vague idea this is about my being a cougar & the book about it I’m planning to write because yesterday in our meditation you said,

“This book will be the CAPSTONE of your life!”

I was amazed because it seemed like just a little slip of a book –a ‘burlesque’ or trivial picture book with humor – something to relieve the tiredness, boredom & lack of motivation lately – just taking a break.

But you used the term ‘capstone’ Mother God & I recalled pyramids having a capstone, & I looked it up & discovered they put capstones onto the tops of pyramids, sometimes covered in precious metal, & they were considered sacred.  One is housed in a museum; the stone looks ike the granite of a tombstone.

I know the pyramid itself represents my life, as in another dream you showed my life story as the Guggenheim Museum, having that sort of value!

The pyramid contains not only the corpse but the relics, precious possessions & mementoes of the King or Queen buried – it’s a tomb of great consequence concerning their life.

There’s also another strong meaning:  To those in higher education, they are asked to create a capstone of their work, a study or project that encapsulates all they acquired – the knowledge, skills, experience of their lives all demonstrated in one place.

I had trouble seeing this book that way but my Inner God said that’s what it would be.

And so, the CAP with the hair, tail & tuft coming out of it, which the ENEMY WON which my little mate now retrieves is the KEY to the meaning of the dream.

The enemy I know is SATAN & his demons & he thought he’d won something when I quit my celibacy, went into the world again, & had sex with a lot of young men.  Why?  Because this world is a lower one, a place where he reigns, as it’s filled with strife, meaningless sex, lust, jealousy conflict, fights, aggression, frustration, egomania, – so many negative feelings & thoughts.  It’s a lower word one where sin is easily committed.  So he thought he’d won as I had navigated there for eleven years!  Satan’s henchmen congratulate him for his seeming victory – we watch this.

But who am I & who is the little person?  Is it you Mother God, the big one, & me, just a bit over half your size?  It seems so.

We recently had a great meditation where Mother God explained something important:

She said,

“You keep saying ‘your Grace, it was all your Grace.  But it was both of us.  My Grace cannot work unless I have a body, a material realm -  I suggest, you obey.  When you obey, good things get done.  The Grace of God has to have something of the earth – a material realm – you are the material, I am the Grace, & we work as a team.  You cannot do it without me; I cannot do it without you.”

I add that the Almighty does not need us for anything, but to get something done on earth, uses us to facilitate things.  In this way we are the soil, God plants the seed, it germinates, we have life.

Now the red plasticky/leather like hat & the hair attached can go either way – a win for the devil or a win for me.  It seems that God is preparing a surprise where I snatch his so-called victory from him.

 What happened is I decided to do this book “The Man Whisperer” – about my cougar days.  Mother God told me it was SHE who put the idea into my head!  I thought I was being frivolous.  I came upon some old files on Clyde, took a look if any of those images were good - & found like 50 that could cut the mustard.  I saved them in my downloads, which took me a couple of hours – as I went through hundreds of pictures.  I thought I was just killing time, felt slightly guilty, excusing myself based on tiredness from the sadhana, but God was preparing me for a new step.

Mother God:  They KEY to the dream, as you said, is the CAP which I told you the book will be the CAPSTONE of your career.  Why?  Because it will encapsulate all you are, all you have done, into one book, ending with the icing on the cake, when you went back into the life of the flesh, the animal instinct, through obedience to ME, your God.

You did not go back out of weakness, or lust, or breaking your vow of celibacy, you went back out of obedience & you were loathe to do so, you did not relish the thought, you feared it, you did not understand it but faithful as always to God, you obeyed.

Only now you are beginning to see why I made you do this – as St. Mary of Agreda told you you had to make contacts with people which in the future they will come to you from Purgatory & also they will pray to you to help them.  You made not hundreds, but thousands of contacts with souls this way which you will minister to later.  That’s one aspect.

This is the aspect of Jesus lowering himself to sup with tax collectors & street people – He said,

“I came to help the sinners, not the just.”

 {ME:  In truth, the ones that accused him, the phony/hypocrites, were the worst sinners, but they were incorrigible.  Jesus went to the sinners capable of repentance.  He said to the Pharisees ‘the prostitutes will go into Heaven before you.’}  So if you want to save souls, you go to them. And if you want to bed young males, go to them – BUT - & it’s a big but – what was I actually there for & what was I doing?  The ‘having fun,’ bedding guys, drinking, was only the surface pretext to make connections, links, for spiritual/mystical ministry!  God once again {as so many times} fooled me into doing something that I would not have done had not God pushed me over the cliff by subterfuge……..End Me.}

 And you could not appear as an outsider, judging them as sinners with you pontificating righteousness, you had to be one of them or they would not have let you into their hearts & minds.

ME:  OK, the cap & hair, tail & tuft symbol is crucial, the key.  Let’s hear about that, Mother God. How is this symbol & the BOOK the CAPSTONE of my life? The culmination, icing on a big cake – my life being the pyramid or Guggenheim museum.

MG:  The bottom part of the symbol is your humanity – the animal part.  This is when you went out to do God’s bidding & participated in the cougar life.  But the top part, the red leather or plastic, is your mind, brain, soul, which SUFFERED from this experience.  Look at what Jesus went through in his 3 year ministry in Israel.  Was it a piece of cake?  And so you too, were lambasted, rejected, scorned, made fun of, vilified, humiliated & even physically hurt.  But the worst part was not even that, as in Purgatory & Hell, it was the LOSS OF GOD or intimacy with Her that gave you the most pain:  Being immersed in the shallows & wastes of human sense pushes out the sensitive, sublime, mystical realm where God & the soul communicate.  You lost that to do that.  It was not a 99% loss as in the  Stigmata, but maybe a 50% loss.  Toward the end, when you suffered with Nick, even worse, maybe 75-80% loss.

This suffering is the SACRED part, where you OBEYED God to do this, “Not my will, Thy Will be done!”

Wankers assume wrongly you were tired of celibacy & wanted a ‘night out’ where ‘Jesus gets the time off.’

Not so at all – they are projecting.  After 30 years of celibacy one finds PEACE & certainly DOES NOT want to enter into the Purgatory of drinking, struggling for dates, jealousy, anger & conflict that GO WITH THE TERRITORY & you KNEW IT but it was God’s Will, so you did it.  And that ‘final obedience’ is like Jesus accepting His final Cross, this was your final Cross, out of the many Crosses you undertook.

 Will it be misunderstood?  Certainly, just like Stripping for God when the media laughed at you, made sport of you, but you were entertaining. This book will also be entertaining, half the people will not take it seriously but as a lark – ho-ho-ho – but HALF will also see something in it that is a dreadful message for their own lives – a lesson that the activities of the word are NOT FUN but lead to suffering, it is guaranteed, unless one to some degree separates from this world of conflict, they will suffer again & again.  Peace exists in the life where conflict ends, where one has found & surrendered to God’s Love.  That is the message.

Your little self – your body, your humanity, pictured here in an ambiguous way - but is much smaller than I, the Mother God Within – goes down the hall & wants to open this door which I dread.  There behind the door is yet another symbol of EMPTY LOVE or sex without love – the nothingness of it, just like trash, it’s empty sheets or bankets & they are gray/bue, which is sadness of the mid.  Yes, you did it – had so many encounters with young males – but what is the result? -  Nothingness.

This entire realm of cougering, although it seems like fun to the outside senses & laughable in so many ways – is actually the realm of Satan {not due to age difference but because it is, as you lived it, only an expression of the physical, nothing spiritual in it.}.  He is present where God is not addressed, where one takes their mind off God & onto the world, the flesh, its activities & interests.

 This entire building is his HEADQUARTERS or was when you cavorted here.  There is nothing ALIVE here – no plants, no people {relationships} – nothing green {the mottled green on the outside of that door is a hint of life, a promise that is not fulfilled after the door is opened & you see what’s inside.} I DREADED seeing this, being your God Self, but you were curious.

ME:  Is there any particular meaning to the tail, the tuft, the straight hair coming out of the cap? -  And what about the hem of the cap?

MG: the tail is of course being an animal – giving into that part of oneself, the instinct to procreate.  The tuft could be how you grab the tail – what you’re talking about snagging young men – the tuft would be an easy place to hold onto to snag the creature.  And the straight hair coming out of the cap is you’re talking straight about simple, biological truth & facts, which you experienced.  No fancy talk, no mincing words, nothing flowery, just this is how you do it – I did it – this is what you shouldn’t do – that I did wrong, etc.

And the HEM of the cap could hearken to the hem of Jesus’ garment – just by touching it this woman got healed, but just by contact with this human self, this is all that comes out of it – goes with the territory.

ME:  So far, so good. What about me, the little guy, wanting so much to jump into that courtyard, where we don’t even see the bottom, taking a chance to grab this symbol, with no way to come back except where you intercede – me taking that risk but succeeding in getting the cap. And why is all the inside of this place, everything – painted yellow?

MG: You will now snatch the VICTORY from the hand of Satan – you took a chance then, you are repeating the story of the risk.  You ‘left’ God {intimacy} for a reason, & how to get back to God? -  Only with Her/My help.  Satan wrongly thought you entered his domain, he had the victory, but he did not & this book will reap the fruit or rewards of your action.

I show you a stump, one bigger, one smaller, close to our window, but you can’t reach it.  The stump reminds me of the walking stick you have now from the woods – the end of it is like that.  It represents your legs; one has a big hip injury, the other hurt less.  ‘You can’t reach this’ is you got disabled from a fall downtown & I am not sure how this relates except it wasn’t too long after that going downtown became an ordeal, besides the Covid stuff, & you could no longer function too well.  It’s part of the reason you stopped going.  But how this relates to getting back to OUR WNDOW rather than downtown is unclear.

Then the TABLE by which I hoist you back to our spot:  Could easily mean working at the table writing this book, then publishing it, which will be the victory. Getting back to me is your HOME GROUND / safe harbor, away from Satan & danger.  So in explaining what you did, the God part becomes visible, the flesh part without God has no significance – that part of your life is cleared up, explained.

And the symbol then breaking in your hands as if a dog bit in under the cap, with sharp teeth – it doesn’t work as a VICTORY that way –  your message cannot carry only the story of the body , the flesh, but it must explain the suffering that this lifestyle brings – the entire cougar time you spent, as well as any life which harbors a lot of random sex activity or inspired such activity – like the adult trade – this lifestyle is fraught with danger to the soul.  This is what your spiritual message is here. This is how you DEFEAT Satan rather than his winning.

All the walls of the building painted yellow inside?  ‘Painted’ is fake, it isn’t the yellow sunshine, or a yellow rose, but it’s a façade, a veneer or covering.  This lifestyle appears ‘happy,’ ‘cheerful’ or ‘fun’ to the outside eye, but inside it’s nothing.  No life in random ‘fun’ – drinking, drugging {not me, the others} & sex.

Why a dog’s sharp teeth – or some other creatures teeth – chewing the symbol in two, the cap one side, the rest another?  It’s one’s SENSE with sharp WISDOM {teeth are wisdom here, sharp senses or wisdom} that one part of this lifestyle is suffering – it cannot be entertained without it - & the territory is not a happy place to be, whatever some may think.

And last, you accuse me, God, of tricking you into doing this knowing the danger, the pain, the suffering, etc.  And I must tell you that in the end, nothing bad happened – nothing permanent that is, except your heart attacks in 2017 which were due anyway – they might have been premature {lol.}  I your God & Guardian Angels, protected you from any serious harm of any type, & here you are, alive & active as ever, older & wiser, with much to share with the world.

Everyone has to study to teach – even Jesus sojourn in India, He spent 6 years studying the Poly language for the teachings of Buddha, & then preaching it perfectly to the natives.  And experience is the best teacher, you lived & learned things you would never have, had you not done this, so it’s done, let’s be glad & thank God.     {End}