9-23-22 Only God Knows the Path after this see
World's Greatest Lover
To William Bond from Rasa:
Earlier you mentioned some place how Kim Novak
had the ability to succeed in spite of not being able to act {someone told you
that but I disagreed, she was an excellent actress} & I agree about she had
the ability to succeed. Even if a person has looks & talent doesn't
mean they are GUARANTEED success.
So you ask why did she make it....I
can't find the original letter.
These factors are worth noting. Where did she get the confidence? What makes her think she's superior & privileged? {To me she appears that way in her interviews of 2015}. These are points to ponder.
It certainly is not great faith in God
{she doesn’t discuss this concept}. But she got faith in herself
somehow. You tell me the answer if you know it. Rasa
From the William Bond Hi
Rasa:
We see this a lot in life, mediocre
singers becoming pop-stars. Mediocre actors become film stars and now we have a
man suffering from dementia as President of the Xxx! So it is a mystery how this
happens.
Having faith in God is only one method of becoming a success. As
Jesus said, “He makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain
on the just and on the unjust”. So atheists are as capable of success and
spiritual people. It seems the secret of success is having a uncontaminated
dream.
Many children have dreams of being a famous film star or being a success in other ways. But what happens is these dreams become contaminated. So the child may talk about their dreams to others and then are ridiculed. As Jesus said, “don’t throw your pearls before swine.” But even if the child doesn’t do this, they are taught that their dreams are unrealistic. Perhaps Kim Novak did have a uncontaminated dream and wasn’t taught her dreams were impossible.
Personally speaking, I was a dreamer as a child and even though
I had the sense not to tell others of my dreams it became obvious to my father
I was a dreamer and his worried him. So with the best intentions, he told me
that I couldn’t spend my life, dreaming my life away. He said that things
didn’t come easy and you have to work hard and make things happen, if you are
to achieve anything in life.
He lived to these beliefs but the irony is that he achieved more
in his life when he gave up trying. He was a tradesman most of his life but he
was diabetic and he tried to start his own building firm. He worked hard at
doing this but because of his diabetes he collapsed a few times while working.
In the end even he realised his couldn’t go on and decided to retire because of
his health.
After he made this decision he went into town to do some
shopping for my mother and met an old friend whom he hadn’t seen for a long
time. This friend now had an important job in the government. My dad told
him what had happened to him and this friend said that they were about to build
a prison and were looking for a clerk of works to oversee the job. He said to
my dad, if he applied for the job he would get it, as he would be the
interviewer. My dad didn’t like this, but my mother persuaded him to apply for
the job.
He got the job and did such a good job in running it, he quickly
got promotion and ended up overseeing all the public buildings in an area in
I have tried to learn the lesson from this but it is hard because it is basically, “let go, and let God”. Which my dad unwittingly did. And it is probably what someone like Kim Novak did, they somehow, got into a unresisting state of mind. The trouble is that, letting go to achieve success, seems like a total contradiction and we are always tempted to try and make things happen. So “trust in God She will provide” is not an easy thing to do. William
Rasa to William:
Wow, what a
testament!
It brings to my
mind some interesting questions or maybe answers some.
I began Part 9 of
my life with the story of Dr. Robert Atkins, a super rich man who wanted to
marry me. Had I married him I would have
inherited a fortune – several million dollars to be sure. I would have also
gained ‘respectability,’ a state which means a lot to some. Myself, I’ve lived
without it & so it seems strange when people do respect me, lol. {I’d be
like the maid who married into royalty & people forgot, after, that she’d
been a maid.}
There was another
millionaire, Miklos Hargitay, the Dad of famed Mariska Hargitay, who wanted to
marry me, but I declined. Besides bread from show business he owned the
There were other
super rich & average rich men –Milton Bradley Scott {see the M.B. Scott
building in
There were
doctors, lawyers, professional men who made handsome incomes, but I did not set
my eye on any of them. When they came up
I kept going, even though my path seemed strange & counter productive. I was following the beat of a different drum.
And yet, I did
pursue a terrible affair with James Brown, who hurt me to the core – it seems
bizarre I’d want him & have turned down M.B. Scott & Mr. Hargitay for
him. In fact, Miklos asked me about him
like an accusation & I was so embarrassed I denied it.
Why did I turn
down money & respectability & kept going & got involved with men
which turned out negative {there were others I shall explain later, good &
bad.}
Because I was
following an INSTINCT which was a road through a WILDERNESS where I COULD NOT
SEE. It was a JUNGLE or wild place,
UNCHARTED, but something inside me said,
“Go here – go
there – not here – there.”
To be honest it
was like I was saying NO to respectability & fortune & choosing
relationships that would crumble! I now
know there was a reason for that – I was NOT to be under the thumb of any man,
it was no to those who would secure me, yes to those that would NOT work out! Because God wanted me FOR HERSELF & HER
ALONE!
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Sometimes this
instinct was only a FEELING, later, after getting in touch with the ‘still,
small voice’ inside, I discerned mental words from God.
Now at the
twilight of my life, looking back, I realize that it all turned out the way it
was supposed to be. Each man such as Dr.
Atkins & M.B. Scott, who offered money & respectability, would have
given me, logically, an easy, affluent, safe life. But they might have curtailed me getting to
where I am today. Each long-term
relationship puts you into a certain lifestyle, activities & thoughts. And how would these have changed my
Could I have reached God as the wife of Dr. Atkins or Mr. Scott, or any of those other men? Could I have stayed ALONE, fasted & prayed from morning to night for long periods of time? Or would their presence DEMAND that I interact with them, wait on their needs? The latter.
With Miklos Hargitay, I would have been
another Jayne, pursuit of a show biz career, being a movie star. I certainly had the physical qualifications –
my body was as good as hers. Of all the
famous men who wanted me, there is a chance I could have reached my destiny
with Miklos, as he was submissive to women.
Mae West & Jayne were dominant– if I had been the top I could have
done the things I was meant to do – including – maybe – being the ‘Foundress of
Modern Competitive Female Body Building – the Progenitor’ as awarded me by the
World Body Building Guild. {But then
again, would I have been impelled to join the first beauty/fitness contest I
entered – ‘Miss
But there were some obstacles. Miklos
had 3 children of his own plus one from Jayne’s previous marriage, that
responsibility & following a movie career could have zapped all my time
& attention away from the ‘Path’ as God intended.
You might think, oh, Rasa was a stripper
& later toured the
But on the road I spent many hours day & night ALONE. I did not ‘run around’ too much – like some other strippers did. I did not DRINK or DRUG. Besides dancing I exercised daily & even from Jan. 1978 carried a set of barbells in my suitcase! – 20lbs of iron! These I trained with EVERY DAY 45 MINUTES.
I recall with Miklos driving down Sunset
Blvd. & being right in front of his
OK then, you ask, what was Rasa’s
destiny that she knew she had to reach?
What was the GOAL? I knew I was
DIFFERENT but how, I wasn’t sure. I
could not go by the LOGIC of wordly wisdom, which says,
“Woman, marry a wealthy man. Woman, look for security, peace, safety. Look for a man who will protect you, help
you, give you safe haven. Look for
success from a man. Look for earthly
success for yourself.”
But for me, it wasn’t that easy. There was another factor, far superior to a
man - I was pursuing. This Person is infinite, mysterious, beyond comprehension
or logic. This entity is Supernatural, & no one can reach It by natural
means. One has to hold onto the Holy
Spirit to see where this takes them, & that is what I did.
Through all my ups & downs &
dozens of men who wanted to marry me who could have helped me, I did not center
my life on men. I went through fearsome
hardships with them, being treated badly & sometimes slave in my career –
but I kept moving.
Through this wilderness, in the end, it
all fell into place because the CONSTANT in my life was not man – security –
safety – but GOD ALMIGHTY. And by OBEDIENCE
to this Person, whoever She was, I landed in the places I had to be – like
preaching in front of the White House - & with the people I had to be –
like husband Richard Von Werder who gave me the money to build my Church!
Many things had to happen to fulfill my
destiny – I came to earth to help humanity.
And this path was UNCHARTED & only God could tell me what to do,
which way to turn, & I obeyed, & it all worked out perfectly.
That’s my story of success, what’s yours?
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Chapter 4 World’s
Greatest Lover written
If I’m bestowing titles, that’s the one he gets; Micky
Hargitay.
He lived in the shadow of two women, Mae West & Jaynbe
Mansfield, & in death he is eclipsed by his daughter, Mariska hargitay.
It seems to me that the legendary women he was with honed
his talents in the bedroom. He had a
penchant to begin with, I imagine, & they forced him to practice it by
demanding service.
He
was romantic. I strongly recall this
incident. He summons me to a date at his
residence, not the Pink Palace, but a more ordinary place at the time – he only
visited the Pink Palace – it had already been sold to the ‘Greene’s, along with
Jayne’s wardrobe {how I wish he had given me half of it at least} which was
later STOLEN! – karma for not giving me it!}
So I
get to his door & I knock & ring, knock & ring, for minutes. Getting frustrated. Then I try the knob & it opens. There he is lying on a couch, pretending to
be asleep. That was his way of making me
come over & he like a sleeping nymph would respond to my caresses &
wake from a dream of love to its reality – that’s what I figure he was
doing. Unfortunately, it didn’t exactly
work as I know he could hear my knocks & bell.
What
he did that was different than any other man – I was only 22 at the time &
in front of me were miles of experience – I didn’t yet know what all the other
men would do. He would give head to the
lady until she orgasmed – no matter how long it would take – I’m talking in
some cases a half hour.
Only
then would he insert his penis.
Most
or all men demand a blow job first. They
are selfish – that’s the difference. You serve them, not they you. And if they
do give you ‘head’ it’s for a minute, & usually, not effectively so the
female gets no orgasm. Most men as lovers are DUDS.
He
also had a kind, sincere personality, gracious, not passive or weak, just
gentlemanly. He truly cared, he was attentive & sweet. ‘Without guile’ he was.
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How our relationship got started:
I
was living in my rented house in
I
had a friend named Jack who used to come over – he was overweight & had
failed in business – Jewish. I really
liked him as a friend, he talked, he made sense & he didn’t try to lay
me. Sometimes he’d crash in my 3rd
bedroom or den. I think he wanted to get
away from his family & memories of failure, he just needed a place to
recover, & he was also trying to lose weight. He’d often take me to a
reputable steak house in
Anyway,
Jack was with me when we saw in the paper that Mickey Hargitay had ‘opened’ a
new club & it employed strippers! It wasn’t a big, crude venue like the
Melody or Follies in NYC, it was in a quiet neighborhood.
I’m
sitting on my king sized bed & Jack is across from me, discussing where I
should go, when we both saw the item in the paper. He & I agree, I should go out there &
meet Mickey – call up to make an appt - & maybe something would come of it.
Well,
it certainly did.
As
usual, I did not want to seem like I was imitating Jayne or trying to be a
classic platinum blonde, as in the Miss Universe Contest – when I heard they
only chose blondes I donned a beautiful light brown wig streaked with blonde
& won anyway. {The head judge,
ex-boxer Lou Nova, was a freak for light blondes, tried to give it to the flat
chested platinum blonde, but the other judges told him he was daft, kicked him
out from then on & gave me the title.
Amazingly, with no tits, she placed 2nd!}
So
by the same token, I did not want to seem like an imitation of his dead wife, I
put on a medium light brown wig {later I relaxed & used blonde} for the
audition.
So I
get to this club, the owner & Mickey, who’s supposed to be his partner, are
watching. I dance & afterward Mickey
tells me,
“We
want you but we can’t afford you.”
We
had not even discussed salary but I didn’t care, I was just there to meet him
& the audition was a front.
We
sat there in a booth chatting. Early on he told me about ‘Ellen,’ who was their
‘baby sitter’ for him & Jayne, & he asked me to meet again.
I
was annoyed when the waitress who served our drinks stroked his thigh – she was
making a play for him
but it didn’t work. She was
not that good looking. OMG, how looks
matter. Being beautiful & shapely you might win the world & every man,
if not, you could live a life of drudgery; Like this poor waitress.
The thing about Mickey is I liked him a lot, but I wish
he’d been more assertive. After we hung
together he wanted to marry me. He brought
HIS SON, who seemed maybe 9 years old, to my house to examine me. I resented that. And later he said his son said to him,
“Marry
Ellen.”
Of
course, listen to your son! He knows
best! He’s lived a lot by age 9!
At
that time, a complication was I’d been in love with James Brown & he was
doing me wrong. I was broken hearted,
suffering with grief, looking for a way out.
Along comes that ‘Putz NutOn’ that I describe extensively in Part 3. He
wingled & wangled to break me up with Mickey & it worked.
Putz
promised answers to my many dilemmas through MIND OVER MATTER. He was a master hypnotist, he had some sort
of mystical powers {he intimated} & unlike Mickey, he was aggressive in
winning me over. Indeed, he was a con
man & I wish Mickey had more of that in him – he could have kept me.
And
so, when I started talking to Putz daily, I stopped calling Mickey. His
reaction? It was wrong.
Instead
of calling me, courting me stronger & telling me he loved me, one day he
calls up to say,
“Kellie,
I’m so ashamed of you, I saw you in a porno movie.”
I
told him that was impossible as I’d never made one. Later he said it was mistaken identity – of
course it was, it was his negative way of getting a rise out of me.
Then
on top of that, he calls me again & accuses me,
“They
tell me you’re going out with a black man.”
I
didn’t know who he referred to – James Brown or Putz, who was also dark. I had dated other black guys also. This embarrassed me as in that era – 1967 –
it was considered scandalous to date black persons, so I denied it.
What
he could have, should have done was stay positive & FIGHT for me, asking me
out to some swank place {he never had, come to think of it! We only met at my house, his apt or most
often, the bar he owned! Cheap dates!},
telling me he loved me {I don’t recall him ever saying ‘I love you’} & we
could be happy together. But he was
DOWNHEARTED & so took a
And
right after that, he married the ‘baby sitter.’
He went off to Vegas where they did a quickie ceremony, he took the easy
way out & that was that. But when someone marries another so FAST after a
breakup, you know it’s a reaction to HEARTBREAK.
I am
wondering, did he love me? Might as well
channel.
ME: Miklos, did you love me?
M: I wanted you badly. You reminded me of Jayne. You could have been a movie star & you
could have made it, & I could have followed you. Like I told you, you could
have been ‘the best one of them all.’
But
nothing materialized because I was too PASSIVE.
I did not fight for you, as you said.
I was used to women being dominant & you did not pressure me or
force me to do what you wanted, you just went your way. I felt powerless; I didn’t know what to do,
so I acted badly.
Yes,
I did try to make it with another lady before marrying Ellen – a French lady
you read about in the muscle mag – but nothing came of it.
It
would have been, could have been perfect for you & me, you were the
spitting image of Jayne & you could have done the things she did & they
would have given you the opportunities & you would have been good in those
parts. We could have done that ‘adagio’
or acrobatics, you always lifted weights, it would have been great; but I
mucked it up.
ME:
It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate you or care for you, I did. But I felt my destiny was elsewhere, even
though I didn’t know what it was. Being
a movie star like Jayne was not enough for me.
I knew I was different. I had to
do something different. Thousands of
women have been glamour dolls, movie star beauty queens, & in the end, it’s
fine but it isn’t different or unusual.
I had to do something unusual, something not done by others, something
to do with God, I wasn’t sure what, I was only 22. That’s why I had to move on & I’m sorry I
had to hurt you.
M: Thanks for saying that. I wish I had done
things differently, like courted you more strongly. Really, it could have
worked. You could have reached your destiny even though we were together – why
not? I would not have stood in your way,
you were a woman of God you could have been a glamour doll, just like you were
anyway in Stripping, you could have pushed for female body building & you
could have started to give sermons. It
could all have been done.
ME: Nothing is impossible but I think it would
have been improbable. I believe I had to
do what I did & I did it. BTW, how
did you learn to be the world’s greatest lover, lol?
M: It was my nature to please a woman & Mae
West & Jayne were big prizes to please.
I pulled out all the stops & that’s how it went. I’m glad you liked my love making, it’s a
nice testimony to leave me. Put it on my
gravestone, lol.
ME: I wrote about your time with Mae elsewhere
but just to mention, when you were together, she told you to make love to her
& you couldn’t get a hard-on as she looked so old & plain. She broke down & cried, & then you
were able to rise to the occasion.
That’s rather sad but has a happy ending. Bye for now, lol.
P.S. Oh yes, forgot. You had an intercom with Jayne at the
“I
have a problem only you can take care of.”
Pretty
funny & on that note, talk to you later.
One
more thing. Mariska was 3 years old
& was going to bed naked. You told
her she must wear pajamas! And she said
if you don’t, why does she? On that
note, Sayonara.
From
Wikipedia:
Miklós "Mickey" Hargitay (January
6, 1926 – September 14, 2006) was a Hungarian-American[1] actor
and the 1955 Mr. Universe. Born in Budapest, Hargitay moved to the
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