FIRST REVIEW!

 Someone posted this on one of the oline magazines I wrote to, giving them a PDF. At first I was upset, but God told me it would help, so here it is.

This is NOT the NEW YORK SLIME

          If you’re the type of person who’d rather see the two-headed horse than read Tolstoy’s War and Peace, this might be for you.

          I’ve never hated a book before, but this made me angry.

          The PDF was sent me by the author to review for the New York Times – She confused it with the New York Slime.

          She got my goat right in the beginning with ‘Notice’ –“if you don’t like this book you can kiss my ass.”

          And there’s a picture of her ass as she bends forward with an open-ass girdle, her pubic hair evident to the bottom. I won’t kiss it but I will kick it.

          She has a warped humor throughout the book. I mean like there’s a naked guy on a bed reading a huge book. The book sits on top of his large uncut penis, and it says,

          “It’s not what’s in the book but what’s under it that counts.”

          Then she’s in the bathtub across a guy, both naked, cavorting under water – she has two versions of this, and it says,

          “If you think sex is dirty, do it in the bathtub.”

          And her best line for picking up guys was,

          “I used to have good taste in men, now it’s all in my mouth.”

          There are numerous pictures of naked men – her lovers and models, some with erections. I took issue with this, it was offensive and unnecessary. Some clothing would have been appropriate, or at the very least, nudes hiding the penis, more of an art than erotic. Even women would be embarrassed looking at some of these images.

          It isn’t all bad – she does have quite a number of young beautiful females alongside her own nude shots at twenty.

          But to see a naked woman at 67 boggles my mind. Yes, she looks good – muscular & in perfect shape. But those breasts which were C-D cups, pointed, at 20 are now huge melons, grotesque. What happened? 

          She admits ‘most men would climb over a rattlesnake nest to get to a young woman’ but there are some who like old ones.’

          I am of the former type and if it was the latter I’d probably like this book – fantasizing I’d be chosen by her. But God forbid.

         And speaking of God, she says He {who she calls She} told her to do this! She puts God into so many disparate things – God told her to STRIP! God told her to get female body building established! God told her to help Souls in Purgatory! Frankly, I’m not sure God tells her anything, and if He does – I wish He would tell her to stop this! And just admit she did it all by her lonesome, using God as a gimmick for her strip act, using God as a crutch telling her to quit celibacy & go out & have fun. She got tired of celibacy IMO.  It doesn’t make sense, why would the Almighty God, who most religions believe wants us to be righteous – tell her to go out, drink and have sex with young men? She says she doesn’t know herself why God commanded her and so, most folks would agree – it doesn’t make sense.

          Besides, if God spoke to her wouldn’t He tell her to stop sinning, quit posing nude, get married, settle down & live clean? She’s all over the map doing her deals and now I’m a part of it, having read her book – I’m baffled.

          Not to be overly critical, I did like her Ducky Dictionary, even though she claims a Soul in Purgatory caused her to write it. Obviously not one in Heaven. That part is clever, taking ordinary words & giving them a sexual twist, like,

             Dada Dukee: Man who’s competitive, fighting or arguing a lot

Vaga Ball: Obese woman

PAM: A woman who uses her pussy, anus & mouth to keep a man

Barron: man who has no money or if he does, won’t spend it like a ‘bare one’ – Devoid of money

Kite Flyer: Drug Addict

Bottled up: Alcoholic

Harbor Patrol Man: One who bothers you or stalks you where you live & makes you uncomfortable

Batman: A man who sees only one feature of a woman that turns him on & is blind to all other aspects. Like one who only likes blondes, or only busty women or only big women, or only young ones – Same goes for females – Batwoman.

Stepper: One who steps out of society’s boundaries, rules or conventions

Brat Wurst: A child that doesn’t love its parents

Escapee: One who got out of a bad relationship

Puke Buddies: Lowlifes who go out together looking for drugs, free booze, easy sex, maybe even rob someone to get these things, like some characters I describe in this book

Lockdown: Celibate, ‘she’s in lockdown’ like I was for 30+ years

Shaker: One that is anxious, constantly worries or frets

Fretarian: Same as Shaker

Dicey: One addicted to gambling

Retro-Active: One who gives anus for sex

Retired: Can’t get it up any more

All Legs: “He’s all legs” means he has a big dick – Like the third leg theme – “No legs” would be a small dick. “”She has all the legs” would be she’s the dominant person.”

“I wanted a guy with legs but got one with none” – “He may be 7’ tall but his 5’ wife has all the legs”

Ugly fox: Woman who seemed good in the beginning but turned out bad

         

          These plus many other jokes in the book gave me a laugh, broke up my anger at seeing all these naked guys with camel-size dicks. But I take issue with her saying old women should chase young guys. She gives examples of the trouble she got– Getting robbed, threatened, even attacked. I would not advise Mom or Grandma to do this –– so her example is ill advised.

          As to the book, don’t spend the money - ask her for a PDF so you could review it for The New York Slime.

          As for me, where’s my copy of War and peace? I want to finish it.