Be A Human, Not A Ghost (And Let The Buyer Beware): Best Dating Advice For 2026 And Beyond

By Ajax the Great (Pete Jackson)

(Originally posted on the Vive La Difference! blog)

NOTE:  The somewhat controversial viewpoints and opinions presented here are my own, and not necessarily those of others on this blog or elsewhere.

To any and all of the readers here, as a corrective to all the BS on social media lately, here is the best dating (and/or hookup or FWB) advice I can give for 2026 and beyond, from a liberal, progressive, male feminist ally + Matriarchist ally perspective:

Ladies, if a guy says some flavor of that he "doesn't want anything serious right now", BELIEVE HIM the first time!  Regardless of whether he is saying it in good faith or bad faith, or whether the accent is on the "right now" part, you will NOT change his mind, and you certainly won't do so by sleeping with him.  And also, in terms of agency, autonomy, and empowerment, you really cannot have it both ways.  Hiding behind self-denial of agency really does women no favors at all whatsoever.

Also ladies, remember that if you jump in bed with a guy before you even have a label (not that there is anything wrong with that, of course!), don't expect faithfulness and exclusivity to automatically follow.  In fact, NEVER automatically assume that a man is exclusively with you unless he explicitly says so (and even then, "trust but verify", as the old proverb goes).  "Let the buyer beware", in other words.  Natch.

Fellas, remember that honesty is still the best policy regardless, and enthusiastic consent is the FLOOR, not the ceiling.  And of course, do NOT lie, manipulate, fractionate, gaslight, or otherwise deliberately lead women on.  But please do NOT read into this that you should somehow be "cruel to be kind" to women (by having one-sided "smash and dash" or ghosting after sex, for example) so they don't "get the wrong idea" (UGH).  Be a decent human being, not a ghost.  Basic human decency is the bare minimum, after all.  Women are PEOPLE, not objects.  Think "I and Thou", not "I and It", as Martin Buber said.  Always treat humanity (regardless of gender) as an end in itself, never solely as a means to an end, echoing Immanuel Kant.

And remember that "casual" does NOT have to mean "meaningless", "impersonal", "degrading", "one-sided", or anything else besides "no expectation of commitment".

(Consider putting the "friend" back in "friends with benefits", mutually of course.)

Also, fellas, if you are feeling lonely, unloved, frustrated, "friendzoned", or any variation thereof, STOP simping for "Stacy", and give "Becky" a chance.  Get yourself out there, work on yourself, and stop feeling sorry for yourself!  And for the love of all that is good, jettison the word "inc*l" from your vocabulary at once, and quit all such adjacent groups and forums cold turkey, and don't look back!  That word a self-fulfilling and self-defeating prophecy that literally NEVER ends well at all.

And finally, for both primary genders (and otherwise), remember that if you cannot even be honest with yourself, how can you possibly be honest with each other?

Otherwise, you do you, live and let live.  Peace ✌️

(There, I literally just saved everyone thousands of dollars worth of therapy, lots of wasted time and energy, or much, much worse.  You're very welcome 😊)