Prayed to have contact with Beloved, had these dreams. First dream:
I’m at the door to my apt, which vaguely seems like the apt
in
*** {STANLEY EVERTS,
Bob
bringing me gifts is what he brought me when he entered my life.} ***
Below is me age 65, 160 lbs or so. I thought I lost all those videos but just recently found a few. Love Luis Armstrong blues in the old days, up to maybe 1950 - after that did not like where the music went. I'm glad I lost some weight, I hated being that chubby but wanted to dance anyway. I got down to 137 but gained some back, now am about 147 & I look OK, but 135 is my ideal. We women of course are obsessed with our weight. I had to wear glasses to see the knobs I had to adjust for the video, after that I had an operation & can see much better. 20/20 for distance in fact.
One is a silver cylinder in a pot like a garden pot, {fluted orangey color like I tried to grow plants in once – they are beautiful but didn’t have enough drainage. – The orange pots are just decoration, the items inside the pots have second plain pots, maybe black, inside.}
The cylinder is about 4’ tall, maybe a foot to a foot &
a half wide, it has some sort of dark squares on it in a vertical line – I have
not the faintest idea what it could be.
This could be saying he gave me his heart. This reviews the time we were dating.} ***
*** {3 XMAS TREES, ONE OF THEM THE BRANCHES WERE BOUND, NOW
LOOSE, the SAME TYPE POTS: The OUTSIDE
pots which are BEAUTIFUL/GLAMOROUS are just SHOW. Inside is the SUFFERING or REALITY of what
went on, the pots the trees are growing in are BLACK, which is the WORST SUFFERING. This is what HE GAVE ME & later in the
dream we will see what I GAVE HIM – he suffered also.
These trees show the PROMISE OF XMAS – which is LOVE &
CELEBRATION OF SOMETHING WONDERFUL. It
isn’t just ONE tree but THREE which is the promise of ABUNDANCE {?}. But the desire for each other’s love turned
to an equal share of despair at what the desired one was doing.
The one tree with branches that were bound but now unfastened was that he OPENED HIS ARMS TO ME when before they had been closed or bound. That is he opened his heart, his love. He embraced me, he wanted me. Before his emotions were SHUT UP or BOUND.} ***
He walks in & gives me the warmest embrace imaginable, filled with love. He has on maybe a tweed suit like he used to wear when he worked teaching school with a nice shirt underneath. As he nestles close to me I see he has a small thin gold chain around his neck, not too tight or too loose, just resting there below the bottom of his neck. He radiates love & not sure if he says the words ‘I love you.’
*** {GOLD CHAIN AROUND NECK: He actually did leave a chain from his neck,
literally, the 2nd time we made love 3 years later – when I didn’t
even know he was the same guy from 3 years before until after the fact. I returned it to him & he promised to
give me something but never did.
This GOLDEN CHAIN represents LOVE, the
highest, which he gave me, he literally FELL IN LOVE. That’s why he wanted to keep MAKING LOVE even
though he wouldn’t give me a LEGIT RELATIONSHIP, one that was publicly known.
The
Second dream:
Beloved has come to see me & we’re both naked on the floor in a room,
making love. We exchange love for TWO
HOURS. He’s thin & handsome, his
body beautiful. It’s more like making
out – affection - & he never has an
orgasm, & then he’s ready to leave, & I’m disappointed. I feel he should have the orgasm to complete
our activity, but he’s ready to leave with his buddies, one of them has
arrived.
*** {The LACK OF ORGASM: Is the lack of completion, fulfillment,
commitment or REAL RELATIONSHIP. He kept
it on the physical plane, making love, physical affection, but most of the time
when I asked to be together, he was taking off with his buddies. {Why do men resort or retreat to their male
friends? It is when they won’t COMMIT to
the female, they are still BACHELORS AT HEART or running with the bachelors the
way animals do – elephants, many herd animals – they gain camaraderie,
strength, play games, entertainment – what he called ‘having fun’ with his
buddies.} This behavior was extremely hurtful to me.} ***
I’m greatly frustrated, keep asking him not to leave, but
he doesn’t listen. More friends arrive,
he’s got a gang of like 5-6 guys – the usual suspects but they are different
than anyone I’ve seen him with. They
seem bigger, older than the mostly runts & losers he used to hang with. Not the boys next door, look like ghetto
guys, sort of shadowy.
Along with this set of guys there also come girls – all
young, who are working here, like attendants.
They are all thin, wearing super thin chemises like nightgowns,
plain. I suspect all of them, fear all
of them that Beloved might have sex with them, but it seems nothing
happens. They do their work & leave,
they’re harmless. I worried for nothing,
but it is annoying that he left our love making to just mess around like this.
*** {GIRL ALONG WITH GUYS:
These were the young girls their age who I was concerned about, but they
were meaningless to him, they came & went, none of them held his attention
too long.} ***
Not sure if this scene goes with this dream or the next. I have a couple people I’m in cahoots with, & I’m their teacher or Guru. I’ll give them a lesson in words, then I’ll demonstrate weight lifting. I was busy with this, it almost seems like it’s my activity apart from Beloved, my thing. It’s only two people & myself, but we are a good team. I offer my services to Beloved & his group of friends, & I outline it to them like so, which makes them laugh heartily. I tell them,
“Anyone can do this –lift weights. But we all need someone to relate to, who
follows our behavior, encourages & INSPIRES us. That makes us do it. Like this, - I see Joe here, & he’s been
doing sit-ups - & I say to him with great enthusiasm,
“Wow, Joe, you’re doing so well! I can count your abdominal muscles, one, two,
three, four five, six,” pointing to the muscles on his stomach.
The guys LAUGH like an explosion. They are not used to someone being KIND &
ENCOURAGING & it seems hilarious to them.
Then I take another guy, to my right. I say to him,
“Look, Wally, at how your arms have developed! Your deltoids are looking good, & your
biceps, your arms look fantastic – I’m so proud of you!”
Again, the guys GUFFAW like Hyenas. It is weird at how funny inspiration &
encouragement seem to them.
As I look back to them I see most or all of these guys have
never known LOVE. They don’t have the
slightest idea what love it, so it seems hilarious to them.
*** {LAUGH AT ENCOURAGEMENT & PRAISE: This might be the center of what’s wrong with
these guys – they have never been taught or shown the meaning of True
Love. A lot of people in society &
families have a façade or veneer of love, but it isn’t true, it’s like surface
or shallow or meaningless. The word
‘love’ is tossed around like dandelions on your lawn it’s just a word with
nothing behind it. Words are cheap. This, the dream says is all they know, &
when I demonstrate how one would act if they really cared & wanted to
encourage someone, they see it as HILARIOUS.} ***
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Third dream: I am with female friends longing to see Beloved. Where is he?
We go downtown & in my heart & mind, all I can think of is him.
We go into this club & sit at a table, facing the
door. Strangely, I have on an outfit
such as I would never wear downtown, it’s several layers & the colors are
dull, the outside being army green, & at least two of these layers have
hoods, & they are on my head, the bottom layer is thick, like navy blue,
soft.
So as I sit, there come some of lover’s friends – maybe
3. My best lady friend is in front of
me, she turns around & looks at me as we both know this is the sign he’ll
enter – I wink at her to say ‘yes – I know.’
He then enters & behind him, a couple more guys. He’s wearing a hood similar to mine, also
thick layers, so we are in a sense, disguised.
We probably know each other in spite of the hoods {he used to do this to
me in the past, but I always knew it was him} but neither one acknowledges the
other. I’m not sure if he recognized me
in my thick hood.
Not sure what happens here, but he’s busy doing his thing,
I’m busy with mine.
*** {THICK HOODS, COVERING MUCH OF OUR FACES, LAYERS,
DISGUISED: This is that our relationship
is HIDDEN & not in the OPEN, the way two lovebirds who have pled their
troth would show – courting openly then having a public celebration at the
altar.
Our affair is SECRET as if it doesn’t exist, we have our
faces HIDDEN – he usually doesn’t acknowledge me openly in the bars, whereas he
does openly greet many others. The FACE
is a symbol of WHERE ONE IS AT or ‘what I feel, what I think, who I am.’ This SECRECY due to his part, made me angry
at times & extremely frustrated.
Both
our hoods, the tops are ARMY GREEN. This
is because we were AT WAR – call it the GENDER WAR or ‘all’s fair in love &
warm’ – we were IN CONFLICT.} ***
There’s some dancing, I demonstrate my abilities. All kinds of people are around, lovers, haters,
fans, the jealous. I wave at one young
girl, then each of the young people around her looks at me & waves, I wave
back – they’re admiring me. I do some
cartwheel type steps in the air, never touching the ground; I want to show what
I can do.
*** {WAVING TO GIRLS:
My great popularity, especially with females, they wanted to be like me,
they said when they grew up. Some told
me they worshiped me.} ***
Then there’s a special contraption that is supposed to be a
boon or blessing, a chair you sit in that has all kinds of parts, & this
chair is like a ‘wish fulfilling devise’ with special ingredients added,
supposed to give you a great feeling of pleasure, happiness or answer to
desires.
Beloved decides to sit in this chair & try it out – it
takes some guts somehow it’s a RISK like a chair none of the people here has
yet sat in. Where his feet are there’s
some space to hold something, not sure about his hands, maybe likewise, &
the head is also in a sort of holder, each spot giving room around it to enter
something. I see an attendant takes
these tubes like toothpaste tubes, & is squirting into the containers, feet
mostly but probably hands as well, two kinds of ingredients, one light grey
toothpaste-like stuff, the other translucent yellow, not as thick. She keeps putting this stuff there, then I
take over & continue squeezing & squeezing these ingredients in, which
are supposed to facilitate whatever this chair gives. It reclines halfway, so he’s leaning back.
*** {THE SEAT, TAKING A RISK, TOOTHPASTE- LIKE CANISTERS
FILLING SPOTS WHERE HIS FEET, HANDS ARE, IT’S A PLACE WHERE YOU ASK &
RECEIVE, NO ONE ELSE HAS DARED TAKE THE SEAT BUT HE GIVES IT A GO, GREY &
YELLOW INGREDIENTS BEING PUT INTO HIS SPOTS BY A FEMALE, THEN ME: This is extremely telling. The seat is like the HOT SEAT, a seat being a
position, here where you take a chance, don’t know the outcome but you can PRAY
or ASK & some UNKNOWN POWER grants you your wish.
The chair is the spot he was in while in relationship with
me. Yes, I suffered, but this says I
made him suffer as well. It shows one
female squeezing the grey & yellow paste on him, then I take over & do
it even more. The first female might
have been a previous girl friend who tried to take him from me but could not.
The two pastes coming out of the tubes are (1) mental effects
(2) things that made him afraid. Grey is
usually brain matter, the yellow translucent {easy to see like glass}, yellow
is often to do with FEAR.
OK, he was unhappy.
It’s easy to say he was the one to blame, but he was a kid. I met him when he was 19, our first date. I was 66.
He is now almost 30. Yes, he was
& might still be ‘crazy.’ He’s crazy
for being abused, crazy for being young, dumb & immature.
But on my side, I was living Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
from the abandonment of my Dad. I was in
my childhood as well, not reacting to him as the Mother he wanted & needed,
strong, steady, in control, at peace, bringing sanity to his insanity, but
added my own insanity to his.
I was not calm; I was hysterical to his behavior. It was what they call ‘crazy love’ where you
lose your logic, your mind, all you have is emotion & it obliterates all
else.
Although he was in love, this was NOT WHAT HE NEEDED. He is a PARANOID PERSON.
I have a cat who started visiting me from a neighbor in my
town. She was skittish, but she liked being
with me. She like me, my environment, my
food. But strange noises, new people,
sudden movements all frightened her. I
had to be cool, calm & collected around her at all times to keep her calm. She visited me over 3 years sometimes staying
for days, which extended into more days, even weeks. Finally one day, she felt completely SAFE
with me & moved in for good, never to leave again.
This is what Bob needed from me, to be calm &
collected. But how could his behavior
make me feel calm when he was insane? It
was beyond my capacity until I finally, after years, got over my PTSD – at
least I think I have.
But this shows the time when I was in ‘crazy love’ & we
both were crazy.} ***
Then I come closer to his head & he’s talking to himself
rather quietly, & he’s saying - & no one but I hears him, its secret,
“Please GRANT ME A NEW SONG FOR XMAS.”
As he prays this prayer, I see he’s is extremely sad &
needs an answer from the Universe, he needs a change desperately, a NEW SONG.
*** {CALLS FOR A NEW SONG, HE’S SAD: Yes, he was unhappy as I was also & he is
calling out to the Universe or God in this wish-fulfilling chair for A NEW
SONG. This means a NEW LIFE SITUATION,
new relationship, to take the place of what he was experiencing with me. In the dream I see almost TEARS in his
eyes. Let me ask my Mother God:
ME: Mother God, I
taught him to PRAY & CHANNEL GOD. He
told me what God said, one of the things, to WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP WITH
ME. But he DID NOT DO IT. Why did he not
& instead of doing better with me, choose to go off with Ruthie?
MG: Water reaches
its own level. You challenged him to
rise up to a new, higher level, be a better person, be a man, act more
mature. But it was easier for him to
stay immature, keep taking drugs & even more so, be with a young female,
escape the criticism he got for loving you.
Indeed, you had crazy love & you were not calm. But you were offering him a good relationship,
good life, good protection & security.
But it came with a price; he had to stand up to it like a man.
Bottom line – he wasn’t ready. He had to sink down to his lower self, go
even lower into drugs when Ruthie offered him the ‘golden parachute’ of drugs
& security. Like your cat, he tried
her out for a year or so not moving in, but being with her a lot & partaking
of her drugs, then one day, he felt secure, moved in & they became an item.
He gave in to Satan.
He’s said on his public media many times that his demons visit him,
he’ll have to pay for selling his soul to Satan, he’s made songs about Satan
& demons. He knows what he’s done
but he did it & he’s not yet escaped.} ***
Now the room fills with what seems hundreds of black girls. They’re standing & sitting around, I’m
friendly with them.
There was one area like next to the window with a large
wooden shelf; myself & black girls are just sitting. I put my purse-suitcase down there; it’s
valuable, filled with lots of money, papers, everything I carry. I get up for some minutes to speak to someone
& when I return, this purse is gone.
Oh, tragedy. I search everywhere,
see places where there’s a row of purses, but it’s nowhere to be found.
I kick myself why I left it there unattended even for a
minute with these black girls sitting nearby.
I put out an alarm for the purse, telling everyone it’s like a suitcase,
has anyone seen it? No one has. {It’s
like a real large suitcase-like purse I keep locked up where I used to keep
extra money.}
*** {THE PURSE DISAPPEARS:
Represents the VALUE of Bob & myself, having Bob as MINE. But someone STOLE WHAT I HAD.
The room being filled with BLACK GIRLS represents the girls
downtown who are possessed by evil spirits, who are there without conscience,
who wanted to steal what you had & one of them – the one you were sitting
next to – stole Bob from you. This is
Ruthie. For a while you had no idea what
happened, as Bob wasn’t speaking to you for about 9 months, then the bombshell
fell that he was with her.} ***
I go outside to follow the black girls down a wide dark alley. I see one of them just sailing along, {the alley is about 25’ wide, it’s dark, & it does slightly downhill – where it leads to is a brighter cross street about half a block down, the other black girls are in front of her} maybe the one I sat next to. She’s holding a very small dark round {about 6” in diameter} purse on a long string in her hand, tossing it in the air, she seems to be walking on air, & as I call out to her she looks back in alarm. But I do not see my purse in her hands. The end is I have no idea who stole my purse. I cannot find or detain the culprit.
*** {FOLLOW THE BLACK GIRL, TWIRLING A ROUND PURSE IN HER
HAND ABOUT 6” IN DIAMETER, ON A LONG STRING, WALKING ON AIR ETC.: I LOVE this last scene – it makes the entire
sequence of dreams palatable. It’s a
great ending & victory for me, a bleak future for her – Ruthie, the thief
about to meet her KARMA.
THE DARK ALLEY where about a half block up IS A WELL LIT
CROSS STREET, the ALLEY INCLINES DOWN:
This is a place of darkness or where Ruthie DOES NOT SEE WHAT IS
AHEAD. Ahead is a
Tellingly, the alley is also going DOWNHILL toward that
well lit cross street – well lit being she will become AWARE, the LIGHT IS ON,
SHE CAN SEE as everyone else will. To go
‘downhill’ is like so,
“Her life after that went downhill.”
Downhill is reverse of fortune, misery, losing what one
has.
At the MOMENT when I chase her, seeking what I have lost,
she is HOLDING THE WORLD ON A STRING, this purse, which is Bob {6” is a
traditional symbol for penis} but this is also LIKE A GLOBE OF OUR PLANET – THE
WORLD. To her, in winning Bob, she won
the world. And she has it, him ON A LONG
STRING which means he can do as he wishes but he still belongs to her. {True, he did whatever he wished, but stayed
with her. He was making love to me for
instance, for years, as well as other women, hanging with buddies – anything.}
Notice the telling SHE IS WALKING ON AIR. That is HAPPINESS.
But she doesn’t see the KARMA coming up to her on that
cross street. In real life she had an
accident which caused severe injuries, broken bones, that will take who knows,
maybe a year to recover from & she might never be the same. Not being able to finance her gigolo Bob, she
will lose him. The light on that street
is ON & she will SEE that she will lose him. Not immediately, like in one day, but when
donated money runs out, good bye Bob.
No wonder for years God told me about her & him,
“Do nothing. Let it
be. Let it run its course, let it end
without you interfering.”
God knew the future all the time, Go told me a thousand
times in dreams we would be together, he is my husband by the will of God. Satan is defeated.
PS My inner voice,
after writing this, told me to check the entire lyrics of the song. {See song at end, regarding the purse/globe she is carrying 'on top of the world'} Here they are. Notice “Just
like humpty dumpty I'm going to fall”! {the song refers to being in love
but in her case it’ll be falling off the wall where Humpty Dumpty falls &
‘all the Kings horses & all the King’s men, couldn’t put Humpty together
again. So apropos for someone who had an accident & broke a lot of bones
& other injuries.} Yes here
she is embarking on this ‘love affair’ walking on air but in darkness not
knowing what is not so far ahead – the accident which will end their
relationship. I knew it was
temporary & told her when she assaulted me on Halloween {at a bar} 2017,
she knocked the beer out of my hand. I
didn’t know what would end it but God knew & I trusted God.
Here
is how it will end: He has a habit or
pattern of living off women, you could call him ‘gigolo.’ He works but whatever he makes, all or most
of it is spent on himself – a lot on substances including regular cigarettes,
funny smoke, alcohol & illegal drugs.
Just that alone, if it’s daily, what does it come to? It would eat up most of a regular minimum
wage job. I estimate $$70 per day which
is $490 a week & he earns about $500 gross.
And so, he relies on living with someone who pays the rent & bills
so he can live free & easy. But I
was told that this druggie walking on air Ruthie provided him with daily
cocaine on top of it, plus paying all or most of the bills.
Now
the golden parachute has failed to open.
She has incurred injuries that will take a long time to heal – she might
not be the same even after. She had a
good job paying about 1k per week, that’s 4k per month, earning twice as much
as him, but this job requires lots of PHYSICAL ACTIVITY & STRENGTH. It’s not likely she will be able to resume
this work, will probably seek avenues of help such as family, welfare, &
charity. Help from him? This is the time where if he loved her he’d
‘be a man’. But he doesn’t & he
won’t because to him why would he sacrifice?
In
this condition, she won’t be able to afford Mr. Gigolo.
What’s next? Time will tell, God provides me with answers as we go along.
I'm
sitting on top of the world {this is when she’s holding that round purse
with the long string, like a globe, walking on air away from me, down a dark
alley but toward a CROSS St}
I'm rolling along
Yes, rolling along
And I'm quitting
The blues of the world
I'm singing a song
Yes, singing a song
Glory hallelujah, I just phoned the parson
Hey, par, get ready to call
Just like humpty dumpty
I'm going to fall {Humpty Dumpty sat
on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, all the King’s horses & all the
King’s men, couldn’t put Humpty together again – this refers to her serious
accident, where bones were broken & glands were injured}
And I'm sitting on top of the world
I'm rolling along
Rolling along
Don't want any millions
I'm getting my share
I've only got one suit (Just One)
That's all I can wear
A bundle of money don't make me feel gay
A sweet little honey is making me say
And I'm sitting on top of the world
I'm rolling along
Rolling Along - etc. repeats
Songwriters: Ray Henderson / Sam M. Lewis / Joe YoungSitting on Top of the World lyrics © Warock Corp., Redwood Music Ltd
This one came out very well as usual, Rasa. Very insightful and auspicious dream overall. The artwork and fuzzies complement it nicely as well. I will be sure to share it.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes and keep up the great work,
Ajax
thanks for all your help Ajax the Great
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome, Rasa. My pleasure :)
Delete