Conversation Skills - the Social Club

 

Chapter 3  Conversations at Table  The Social Club  3-23-22

 

          As a way for our sisters & associates to meet people we’ll conduct a ‘Social Club’ with various components, one of which is social dance or ‘ballroom’ dancing, another playing table games like checkers or cards & a third would be sit down meals where we LEARN TO CONVERSE in a hospitable fashion.

 

          There will be a hostess / moderator as at least in the beginning, the people involved must learn social conversation skills & these are strict & well defined.  There are many dos & don’ts & these will also be amended to our needs which are the construction of Matriarchy.  And so although our rules will resemble the conversation styles in elite circles, which are exemplified by English movies & TV series settings – where educated cultured people sit at table & converse – ours will be slightly different in that we do not represent equality or Patriarchy, where males have the edge, but we are Matriarchs & women are considered superior - & so, men must defer to women & not the other way around.

 

          In our specific setting we will conduct our meal /conversation as 50% ‘good time’ & 50% learning experience.  Until everyone falls into sync there will be on-the-spot corrections by the leader, a female in charge who knows the ropes.  She will encourage the speech, introduce topics or open up subjects & she will correct or stop statements which are not in keeping with the style of communication.  She will either gently veer the subject away from one area or into another, she will interrupt speech that is not correct, or she will make suggestions to keep the communication flowing. 

          This social skill or ‘art of conversation’ has to be understood & worked at.  The elites conduct themselves like this & so will we.

 

          Here are some don’ts I’ll throw out:

*DON’T

          say anything in a confrontational manner or in a way that provokes resentment or stress

 

*Don’t insult anyone or use bad language or swear words or gross, crude terms.  If speaking on a sensitive subject, use soft words to get around it like ‘dating’ or ‘affair’ instead of ‘having sex.’  Usually one doesn’t talk about sex in this setting at all.

 

*Don’t discuss ILLNESS or DEATH – Never name an illness like ‘cancer’ at the table – Don’t speak of illness or death period unless you have to.  With death use mild terms such as ‘He’s gone’ or ‘She’s passed,’ or ‘the late So & So’.  These subjects are real but at the dinner table you want to NOT bring up anything that could make a person feel nauseous or sick to their stomach or evoke bad memories.  The mood has to be PLEASANT.  Don’t talk about funerals, accidents, suicide, murder, or anything that makes people feel horror.  These can be discussed privately.

 

*Don’t accuse anyone of anything – don’t make statements that provoke stress in the other person.  Example – don’t say to one of our sisters ‘Do you hate men? – Why do you exclude them from your Church premises?’  That is way too confrontational.  You may ask like this ‘Why are men excluded from the premises of this religion?’ & say it in a pleasant tone, not in an accusatory one.  If the sister doesn’t want to discuss it & gives a short, curt answer like ‘Because we’re private,’ leave it at that, don’t push her. 

*Don’t GLARE at anyone because they said something you don’t like.  If someone makes a racist or sexist statement or one that goes against your beliefs, don’t stare with daggers in your eyes.  You have to let it go.  If you can make light of it, or some type of joke, that is OK.  I’ve found that when people insult me I deflate the insult by giving a humorous answer.  Turning it into a joke shows I’m not hurt & deflects the arrow meant to go under my skin.  The one who insults wins when you show pain.

The head of the table, if she notices this, should make a correction {not when we are elsewhere, just here in our educational setting} like ‘You’re being racist, Joe’ & Joe should say ‘I apologize, I should not have said that.’  Joe should not ARGUE with the moderator – anyone who argues with the Chief {head of table} again & again will not be welcomed back.  So if Joe says, ‘All I said was you think that way because you’re a Jew’ – that’s an ARGUMENT.  No arguments at the table!

 

*Side conversations.  Everyone will have someone sitting next to them left or right.  Side conversations should be QUIET almost but not quite to a whisper, as there might be a main convo going on for everyone.  Don’t act like you’re exchanging secrets or gossip, just be DISCREET & speak in a quiet tone.  In these conversations also don’t break any rules & don’t conduct arguments or insults or things that are forbidden – like racism or anti-Matriarchy statements, or words against our religion.

 

*Don’t make any statement CHALLENGING our New Religion, which is Matriarchy / female empowerment.  Don’t say things like ‘Men have created everything in our world, what have women created?  Men build the highways, the cities, men built the ships that cross the sea, men built the airplanes – if it wasn’t for men we’d be in the dark ages so how do you get the never to say you’re superior?’  There are ANSWERS to these statements, but this is not the place to make challenges.  Here we are learning not to be confrontational, provocative or demeaning especially to & with women.  If you have serious concerns with our religion you need to STUDY the teachings of Yours Truly & find out what I have to say.  You don’t force myself or the sisters to answer you individually.  Some things you can ask in a respectful way - confrontational questions will get no answers. 

*Do not use this setting to blow your horn loudly & persistently, puffing up your ego.  If you have a project you’d like to mention, say it, but don’t pontificate & go into monologues about it.  Yes, we want to hear what everyone is doing, briefly, but this is not a place to promote yourself a lot or seek converts or look for investors in your business.

 

*Do not tell us a shopping list of your troubles, past or present.  Don’t tell us all the bills you’re late on or worried about.  Don’t moan & groan & make everyone miserable & feel sorry for you or someone else.  The exchange at a table is PLEASANT, lighthearted, springy, witty, an exchange of info & ideas, but not a moan, groan & cry place.  If you have problems they belong in a therapy session with someone who wants to hear you & offers comfort – not here at the table.  There is also no need to lie & claim your life is perfect, all is wonderful if it isn’t.  Just stay mum if things are bad, talk about other things.  Ask people questions if you don’t want to talk about yourself.

 

*Men – do NOT say any sexual statements to any female sitting at the table, in side conversations or during any interactions in our club – gross statements like how her body looks, what you like about her body, what kind of body you like, what kind of female you want to have sex with, what kind of sex you like – nothing of that sort.  Don’t try to touch, kiss, feel up, or do anything crude or rude to a female in our club.  To the females – if the male sitting next to you speaks in this way you can either ask him to stop, or if he doesn’t, leave the seat & sit elsewhere.  We will leave empty seats around for this purpose.  If he touches your leg under the table, & you don’t want this – move away.  Or stick him with a fork one female said – but that’s not a good idea – violence.  Any type or rude, crude attempt from males, like them trying to get you to touch their hardon or something should not be tolerated – unless you wanted it.  If they can’t learn to be gentlemen in our setting they should not be here.  I used to go to Nudist camps long ago & there was a hard & fast rule that no male should approach a female for sex, if he does he’ll be asked to leave.  No one every approached me for sex in the camps.

 

*If you can’t think of anything appropriate to say in a public setting & still aren’t sure of yourself, just keep quiet, or else, think of a question.  Silence is golden.  No one will know how inept you are or uneducated or backward or ignorant if you say nothing.  But if you start talking & all that comes out of your mouth is wrong, the group will not respect you.  Listen & learn, then speak.

 

*Men – be careful with your ‘compliments’ because they can show how dumb, backward & sex oriented you are.  If you look at women first for the size of their ass or their bustline, keep it to yourself.  Don’t tell them about it, they will look down on you for that.  If you want to say something nice, keep it nebulous, not ‘I love your ass’ or ‘Love your tits’ or ‘You have such a sexy smile.’  These are insults as much as compliments, you’re reducing a woman to her body parts & sex appeal, as if all she is to you is a sex object.  Listen to women, learn where they are coming from mentally & think of compliments on that.  If she talks about her charity work, compliment that.  If she talks about art & museums, ask her questions about that.  If she speaks of classical music or ballet or opera act interested or try to learn about it.  One of the signs of respect is to try & learn what the other person knows, likes & understands & ask them about it.  But don’t use false flattery – that’s for con men & women who’re trying to get something out of someone.

 

                     What you Can Talk about & How

 

          Talk about what is not controversial in our setting,  what might be pleasing or interesting like what you have read or studied or heard lately.  But don’t make a huge deal out of it, don’t repeat things over & over. So you like a movie you saw lately – explain why & drop it.  Maybe no one else wants to talk about it.  Or you read a great book so you can mention it, but don’t give the entire synopsis.  If people ask anything answer them, but don’t give monologues.  Or else something funny happened lately & you saw something cute or interesting, mention it for a laugh.  Everyone is interested in different things, give them a chance to say something, even if it’s brief, see if anyone likes the thread, if they do, go on with it for a while.  But don’t bore people with long speeches – unless they ask for a speech.  The moderator at the table should be the guide.  In a regular setting you usually have a Host & Hostess who lay the guidelines.  Everyone knows the ‘script’ in a regular social setting, but here we are developing a new society & establishing it.  It’s Matriarchy, with men & women wanting to meet us & seeing what we are like. 

Other Cares

 

*Men – this is important.  A man never hangs up on a woman by phone nor does he walk away from her during a conversation – among the elite that is rude as can be.  This will be difficult with women who are NOT LADIES but give it your best try.  Even if she is not a lady, you should be a gentleman.  Practice makes perfect.

 

*I will ask that all our male members learn to kiss a lady’s hand.  You bow slightly, she raises her hand to you a bit & you faintly touch it with your lips.  It’s an act of respect.  Do not hold her hand hard or slobber or put your tongue out – ugh, that would be awful, & American men sometimes do this.  If you can master this act you will be a foot above the rest of the guys.

 

*When being introduced to a lady you must not take her hand to shake, she gives you her hand, then you shake it.  This is because with the elite, the onus or choice is for the woman, if she wants to shake your hand or not.  If she doesn’t want you to touch her she does not proffer her hand.  Same goes for the hand kissing – if she doesn’t raise her hand you don’t kiss it.

 

*When a man & woman are together, another man cannot approach the woman & speak to her – even if he knows her but doesn’t know the man.  In elite circles this is considered seriously rude.  If you don’t know the man just let it go, don’t approach the lady.  In Matriarchy we might amend this some way but I’ve not yet figured how.  We shall think about it.

 

About Food, drinks & deportment:

 

*Take SMALL BITES, don’t shovel food into your mouth or eat fast like it’s a food race.  Don’t bend forward as you eat, sit up fairly straight & look at the other people & listen to them, don’t eat eagerly.  Be polite about passing food back & forth - don’t reach way across the table – ask for it.  Don’t cut up all your food first, one bite at a time.  Don’t slurp your soup.  Don’t clang your teaspoon when you stir in a cup, keep it silent

 

          People think that animals eat fast & gobble their food.  They don’t.  They are actually more polite than many humans.  I feed wild animals every night & have done so for many years.  A bear will eat delicately, so will a coyote or fox or deer.  I have never seen an animal eat in a slovenly manner – believe it or not.  But I have watched humans shovel food into their mouths like coal dumped into a tank. We are the bad guys, not the animals.

 

          I am not asking you to be this polite all the time – only in company, when we follow certain rules.  We all let go in private, that’s different.  We put our feet on the coffee table – but we don’t do that in company.  It’s being respectful to others.

          *As far as drinking from a goblet, hold it from the bottom of the stem.

          *If you must take a piece of spinach or something from your mouth or a bone, just bend away from the table, put a napkin to your mouth & subtly remove it.  Same with if you have to sneeze or cough, bend away from the table into the napkin & say ‘excuse me.’

 

*If you must leave the table to go to the rest room just say ‘excuse me,’ get up & leave – don’t explain.  No one wants to hear how bad you have to go or the word ‘bathroom.’

          *When being introduced, don’t say ‘Nice meeting you’ every time, especially if you’re a woman.  Try something new like, ‘lovely,’ – ‘greetings,’ – pleased’ or ‘charmed.’  Nice is said so much it’s a cliché & sounds meaningless.

          *When the male asks a woman to dance she does not have to say yes.  If it’s no a subtle move of the head will say it – let it go, or she can say ‘No thanks’ or ‘Not right now’.  Don’t argue, she owes you no explanation, just walk away or make chit chat if you think it’s alright.  If she wants to dance she can say ‘Alright’ or ‘Sure’ or ‘Why not’ – It doesn’t have to be fancy like ‘I’ll be delighted’ as we are Matriarchs, Female Empowerment so we don’t get easily delighted by men, we play & we are ‘hard to get,’ lol.  

{End Part One, Conversations at Table}