Lover is Thinking

 

11-16-21-The BIG Man-Insanely Jealous Young Female – John is thinking out if it’s right for us to partner

Note: The models in this article are NOT who I am dreaming about, they are part of my photography hobby 

          I forwarded a letter to him by a friend, not giving my name, warning him not to do the shots & if he did to take remedies.  He guessed its me, no one else cares.  He thought he was hidden from me on social media because he changed his name, but I found him, so he getting this letter startled him as he knows he was not & is not hidden from me – all this last year I saw whatever he & his associates were doing.  And I knew when his fake wife had the gruesome accident & their querulous condition now emotionally & financially.  After changing his name he pulled no ‘stunts’ to try to make me jealous so I’d chase him again.  Haha.  Why no more stunts John?  Why no more images of that short fat fanny wife & you trying to prove your happiness?  It was all for my sake, that proves it, because as soon as he thought he hid himself from me he stopped posting images of Ruthie & him & even their child, he just posted his usual tedious sports, ghetto music & video violence – where his attendance truly lies.

Anyway these dreams indicates he is now seriously thinking about me & us being together.

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         There was a man I was dealing with.  He is important, HUGE, & it’s like he’s courting me or ‘feeling me out’ before consenting to our marriage.  He is VERY RICH & his persona is a composite of several men – one Dr. Atkins, but yet he’s not him, I don’t know who else, but he is like a would-be lover to me.

 

          ***  BIG MAN:  Once again, it’s Bob, your spiritual husband.  BIG in this case means IMPORTANT.  Like if you say, ‘I have a BIG project, he has a BIG job, this is a  BIG event, it means important.

          HE IS VERY RICH:  What is rich?  Rich means plentiful, abundant, having great VALUE - A RICH harvest, a RICH discovery, a RICH talent or future.  To you, he has great value, even though in real life he is PENNILESS, but he’s rich in what he MEANS TO YOU.  He’s rich in turning on your ‘love lights’ both ways – he to you, you to him.  Nothing is more VALUEABLE than TRUE LOVE.

DR. ATKINS:   Alludes to the popular song, ‘DR FEELGOOD’ from the 60’s.  When I first met him I was facing a cataract eye operation, & thoughts of him actually put me into a trance as I waiting for this or that appointment with doctors, his memory sailed me through. It’s aN awakening of the FEEL GOOD HORMONES.  ***

 

          When I stand near him, sometimes we embrace or act affectionate, he seems to be 6’8” & he is also STURDY-STOCKY built – not fat at all, just BIG.

 

          He’s driving a very expensive car, like a van but as expensive as a Rolls Royce & its BLACK.  Everything about him spells ‘rich’ but I’m equally rich – but he’s feeling me out.

 

          *** FEELING ME OUT – Scoping me, researching me or measuring my worth – this idea is strong within the dream.  It explains that Bob is now trying to figure out whether a relationship with me is the right way to go {of course it is, he’s been a long time at the water but he has to drink.}  He has a lot to give me which I value, {not money, himself} I have at least an equal amount to give him – I am RICH in quality to him, as he is to me - & he is weighing & measuring the extent of this, which means he’s considering starting up together as man & wife.

         This is notable as his fake wife has had a reversal of fortunes; she’s now defunct as a partner.  She might or might not get back on her feet.  She held him by money & drugs, which she might not be able to get any more, - not the way she used to - so she will no longer serve his purposes.

          The BLACK ROLLS ROYCE might represent his present situation with her, & through this ‘EXPENSIVE LESSON/VEHICLE – he will explain something – ‘There’s been a costly experience, by this I will show you what our relationship really was - who she was & is.’

          The BLACK VEHICLE is this expensive experience has rendered their relationship over – a funeral. *** 

          He comes to visit me in my house – which is over 100 years old.  Its furnishings are ancient, he even points out something that is old & an unusual configuration of small table with two standing thick black twisted ‘wires or metal thingies’ around each other – like the base of a lamp {but I see no lamp} with another thingy {not sure what it is} – gesturing at it as he walks by hardly looking back - & I tell him I know, I see it, it’s old, it’s not great, whatever.  I INHERITED this.  I inherited this entire house, in the dream, & there is lots of clutter, but I beg the excuse I just moved out of this apt & much of my belongings are still in bags upstairs – it’ll take MONTHS to sort it all out I EXCLAIM LOUDLY.  And I add that when I first moved here I spent over 100k remodeling it.

 

          *** MY ANCIENT HOUSE:   This alludes to our ancient or long-ago relationship, which started in 2011 – One symbol of it is that small table with the twisted thick black wires standing, like a lamp holder but NO LAMP.  The TWISTED WIRES are HIM & ME, WIRED OR WINDED UPON EACH OTER- WIRES OR METAL MEAN GOD’S WILL, but now black or no longer viable & there is NO LAMP or LIGHT – meaning our relationship is not lit up or working any more, we are broken up.  {This indicates it was God’s Will that we break up temporarily as things had to change between us in order to right the wrongs.}  So as he walks by he points this out, that IT IS A BAD THING – which I admit it is – but whose fault was that?

 {In real life, he would visit me whenever it was good for him, denying we had a relationship, putting Ruthie on social media as his lawful other – keeping me secret, the ‘other woman,’ the ‘back street’ woman – which is demoralizing to a lady.  I deserve more than that!  But now karma has intervened, & God is ending the time he shared with this fake wife.  I told her in person when she assaulted me, in 2017, at a bar, that her time with him was temporary – it flipped her out.}

 

          He cannot judge me on this house, as far as my affluence.  I recently purchased an APT that is SUPER LUXURIOUS & I tell him I’ve only been there ONE DAY – I want him to see that.  {I had a different apt but I just moved out of it – it didn’t work out, I didn’t like the area.}

 

          And so having my house is not a measure of my wealth, but that luxury apt could be. 

*** THIS HOUSE NOT A MEASURE OF MY WEALTH BUT THAT APT WOULD BE:   This house indicates what’s happened so far between us – great love but the relationship has been unstable, he’s been undependable, it’s been rocky & painful.  And now we’re broken up.  Don’t judge the VALUE or WEALTH of what we have by what was, what is.  There is a PLACE or SITUATION where we can find perfect happiness – this is seen as LUXURY – I have been there or experienced it ONLY ONE DAY but it is there, he must examine this possibility, believe in it. *** 

 

 I mention that I had hired an interior decorator for it.

 

*** I HIRED AN INTERIOR DECORATOR FOR IT is I had help from God to create this possibility.  It seems to me, it was when I quit letting him use/abuse me, walked away, then my God Self took over & the chance for a real partnership appeared. ***

  For some strange reason although he is rich, it somehow makes me more eligible or appropriate for him IF I AM RICH ALSO - & I AM but this is the process of proving it to him.

 

          *** MY BEING RICH is important, as him being rich is…this is MY VALUE.  It is that breakup, as I again repeat, that made me VALUABLE rather than CHEAP or EASY TO GET where I had NO SELF ESTEEM because I chased him, let him abuse me, & made a miserable fool of myself.  Then in other words, I had LITTLE VALUE – he could push me around like trash & he did.

 

          IN THE PROCESS OF PROVING IT TO HIM, THAT ‘I AM RICH’:   I try to point out to him don’t judge me by our past – the archaic house I am here occupying – I INHERITED it means it was GIVEN to me, which means the situation was given me, I did not create it.  I spent 100k on it fixing it as I worked so hard to make things right – EXPENSIVE or COST of something means COST IN SUFFERING.

 I struggled in our relationship, he went his merry way doing whatever made him feel good – hanging with ‘lost boys’, smoking dope, drugs, horsing around – what he called HAVING FUN while I waited & waited, followed him around asking him to go with me – most of the time he said he couldn’t as he was ‘having fun.’  He also gave his phone to many females – all he met he was trying to fukk – but he wouldn’t give me his phone – to this day I don’t have it!  But in his weak little mind, he told me he’d PROVEN his love for me!} ***

 

          There’s a strange woman around hanging on us – she is DEMONIC.  Her face is sort of narrow, {face NARROW means NARROW MINDED}, she’s mulatto.  I catch her trying to seduce him, at one time, she’s in my bedroom, he has on a thick fur-lined black coat, open, & she is trying to hug him.  I come by, move her away as he BELONGS TO ME & I say to her,

 

          “Don’t OVERWHELM him.”

 

          I’m not taking her SERIOUSLY - the feeling is she cannot have him but she’s hanging around anyway, trying.  I know he’s mine, he knows he’s mine.  And it’s my bedroom here they’re standing in, in front of the built-in closet with the window to the right.

 

          *** DEMONIC WOMAN:   Ruthie, since her accident, has appeared again & again as demonic – I never in 5 years saw her that way, but apparently, this was hidden to me for some reason & is only coming to light now.  God must have wanted him to be with her for the time they were so God was telling me to accept it & leave it as it was, which I did.

          Her being in MY HOUSE, MY BEDROOM is she is infiltrating on WHAT IS MY PRIVATE PROPERTY, which is my space with my real designated-by-God husband, whom she is trying to seduce, but both he & I know we belong to one another.  So I move her away, this says, not taking her SERIOUSLY because I know what she has over him is FAKE.  To OVERWHELM him is to DOMINATE him by having something over on him – I have always believed it was the drug factor.  She was a serious coke addict & she provided him with the drug on a daily basis – she controlled him with it.  And after a while, she paid the rent & bills, so he moved in with her.  She made it convenient for him & also, being YOUNG & a DRUGGIE all his low-minded ‘friends’ approved.  But this shows her spirit to be not Godly but of the lower nature. But let me just add here, God allowed it for the time being, so it was God’s Will – just as She is permitting the atrocities in our world going on now – She will eventually take good out of bad. *** 

          Later we’re in this large living room in this house & the demon-woman is sitting on a chair to my left.  In front of me 3 men have entered, & they are county officials of some sort, peering at my rug on the floor, an old rug I got cheap like at K-Mart long ago, it has a lot of green & brown in it.  They’re looking for something to complain about, & they’re saying the middle of the rug SMELLS & what I think of is my cat might have pissed there, but it’s a lot of piss like a quart.  But I don’t understand who invited these guys in, I ask them who they are, & they answer some kind of officials – but they are unauthorized & have no business being here.  They seem fairly young like 32-35 yrs old each, they might be wearing suits, they are spread a few feet apart, each crouching, staring at the middle of my rug with facial expressions of critical astonishment.  I look at the demon woman & wonder if she got these guys to come in here.  Because she can’t take the big man from me, she’s looking to make trouble.

 

          *** 3 YOUNG-MIDDLE AGED SUITED GUYS SUPPOSED TO BE OFFICIAL BUT THEY’RE NOT.  WHO LET THEM IN?  DEMONIC RUTHIE IS SITTING TO THE LEFT, I SUSPECT HER:     These are the Pharisees or hypocrites, the critics she has brought into their life, who disapprove of me & decide I’m not right for John.  Who they are could be their elders who are more advanced than they & they pronounce judgment against him & me while having no authority, no right to do so, but she invited their OPINION.  This dream says she’s always known I was the right person for John, but she wanted to be the one so she worked against me from all angles.  The fact that IT’S MY HOUSE shows it’s my place or destiny to be the one, she is TRESPASSING or INVADING my life. ***

 

         Next the big man takes me somewhere – he has a few errands, I’m just tagging along.  We come upon a female who’s young & incredibly suspicious of me & jealous.  She speaks of a guy who’s her fiancé.  She thinks I want him – I don’t.  I just say hello to him when she’s out of the room & coming back she exclaims,

          “I knew it!  The minute you’re alone with him, you try something!”

          I was not trying anything.  But strangely, when I say hello I don’t actually SEE him – later, she introduces him to us – he’s at a sort of picnic table to the left {we’re outside the house} & he’s CUTE, wearing a soft light blue denim top, he’s soft & gentle, his hair medium blonde, he has a soft blonde mustache – he’s quite young, so is she, it’s like they’re both under 25.  Then standing close to him in an area to the right with other people around I say to him,

          “I believe when you have kids they will be beautiful”

          Because I was saying they are both beautiful, & his answer was,

          “If it’s a girl”

          Meaning girls are beautiful.

          The jealous bitch just then comes back into the room & accuses me of making a play for him.  She’s off the wall – the bf explains to her what we said.

 

          *** YOUNG GIRL, INSANELY JEALOUS:          

         

          Whoever this female is, she is PARANOID or AFRAID of my influence.  To be afraid means she believes I have the power to take him away.  If it’s John I do.

This might be the conflict I was experiencing between my flesh & my God Self – the great problem was my flesh was overriding my Spiritual side, with dire consequences, & nothing could work right until the flesh gave up its human desire & surrendered to the Higher Self.  And during that time I was fanatically jealous as I was INSECURE – now I’m secure, no longer feel that way.  I am free, I am confident.  My Higher Self was trying to TAME & SILENCE my lower self which was obsessed, desperate, vulnerable & not in control of herself or John or the relationship.  Only the Higher Self could manage this but when the lower self is overriding & blocking the Higher /Self, this God Self cannot do what it must.

 

But why does it say ‘I’ which is the God Self, did not desire him or want to take him away?  This is a subtle idea that has to be explained.  The Higher Self does not have DESIRE the way the flesh does.  The flesh has LUST, GREED, it GRASPS for things the way an animal chases down prey & grasps it with teeth.  The Higher Self gives freedom to all it deals with or helps or advises & guides, like an Angel of God.  It doesn’t grasp, hold onto or attach itself to anything or make anything attach itself to it.  It grants FREEDOM.  It looks upon the drama of mortals from above; it does not partake in their EMOTIONALISM.  And so, my God Self stood by watching my flesh go through its drama, suffering & waiting for Rasa to LET GO & LET GOD, for it is God’s Will that John & Rasa be together – it is not God’s Will that John & Ruthie stay together, their time was temporary.

 For this transition to take place – Rasa letting go, letting God, was quite an undertaking & took a FULL YEAR of Rasa not seeing John, then another year without him - letting go the desire completely, then the third year unfolds where John’s life changes, an adjustment is made, his time with Ruthie dissolves & ends, & John now seeks Rasa, not taking for granted Rasa will chase him down & all he has to do is wait – Now he must take the helm, seek Rasa on bended knee & propose a genuine union. ***

 

          I don’t know what happens with the big man except I know we love each other; he’s just ‘feeling me out’ somehow toward our marriage.  But the fact that we love each other is a given, nothing can change that or interfere.

 

          *** FEELING ME OUT, HE IS THINKING:  The basis of this dream is John is considering, thinking & planning to be with me.  This is a good sign.  When he figures it all out the puzzle will fall into place.

          When the demons are removed, the obstacles, the ignorance, the confusion, the bad roads, then what is left is that he & I love each other & we can work it out. ***

The Next day, 11-17-21 BRIDE & GROOM dream

 

          I am outside in huge fields.  {Sense image material saw a movie made in China, spoken in all Chinese with tiny little written dubs, I skipped most of them for eye strain – about a wolf a female adopted as a pup, her raising him & at age 10 months, after great efforts, found him a wolf pack in the wilds – she & her bf spend months in these fields to manage the dog after building a tiny hut to stay in, find out how to deal with his release & in the end, it worked out..SENSE IMAGE MATERIAL is when you USE things you saw usually recently, sometimes the day before, use them as MATERIAL to illustrate a dream, but the content of the material has nothing to do with the content of the dream – it is image material to make a point…I also saw trailers from a romantic comedy “Crazy Rich Asians” which had a lot to do with romance & marriage.}         

          I’m walking forward in these great vistas when ahead of me I see a man, wearing a light grey suit, running with his BRIDE who’s wearing a traditional white, full tulle wedding dress & a veil streaming off her head.  What strikes me is this man & I had an ISSUE & I was not looking forward to facing him, but now I have to – the two of them are RUNNING TOWARD me, I’m just walking normally toward them, & that’s it.

          The feeling from her is GLEE, a typical bride walking or running on air, at last, this has happened!

 

          *** WITHOUT A DOUBT this is John & myself saying we will be together as man & wife.

          THE GREAT VISTAS:  Must be ‘the big picture,’ when all is said & done we’re not looking at the trees – there are none – but the vista & the horizon – the big picture is when all the PIECES of the puzzle fit together & it is all there, the final conclusion of what will be.

          They are RUNNING toward me from the HORIZON which is the future - & running FAST - & she is GLEEFUL.

So this is saying this will happen FAST.  Not sure what fast means, as I’ve been waiting now for TEN YEARS.

          And who is the bride running toward me, & who is the dreamer?  The dreamer is the God Self, who is also the observer of me, the flesh, the God of the flesh, the one who guides, directs, corrects – all the things God does, I do, as the God Within.  So now I see my flesh & John together, my human self gleeful, John has MADE UP HIS MIND symbolized by the GREY SUIT, as grey is grey matter of the BRAIN & he has made the DECISION.

          Having an ISSUE with John, not wanting to face him but having to, is there will be some conflict about his behavior in the past, from his side, he might have things to say against me.  We were both playing a contest as to who could make the other jealous – it was ridiculous as all we did was hurt one another.

           Of course he started it, being young & immature, inexperienced & ignorant.  Instead of acting through my own maturity, I lowered myself to his level!  And that did not solve anything.