Tuesday, 7 November 2023

Painful Past Led to Self Realization

 

11-6-23 

A few dreams from before I now analyzed - It's all about my past, the life story.

There was one dream regarding


 my 1st husband Stan
{not a good guy} & I going to the movies & there seeing the journalist Gerry & greeting him like a long-lost love, lol. {Husband - I moved my seat several times to see others, once flew in the air to join him again.  He’s gaunt, tall, skinny, hand almost claw-like it’s so thin.  And his personality, it isn’t warm or flowing, artificial & stiff, no sex appeal, old fashioned in a bad way.  I see how unattractive he was to me in my heart.}

  Gerry was chewing out a man on the left front of the theater, accusing him of all sorts of crimes like murder, that’s how I noticed him.  I was wearing a kerchief with medium-dark designs, maybe my hair wasn’t right.  I called to hi, said hello, said my name Kellie.  He answered.  Then I just left Stan abruptly {although one usually doesn’t do that to a husband} – went to him & we kissed lovingly on the cheeks & neck – lots of feeling.  

  He went to the sign-in at the front, most people, not all, signed in for some reason on this white board on the wall.  He is apparently looking for people he knows – why?  Don’t know. 







*{ME:  Mother God, help!

MG: This seems like a review dream - The past.  You see a journalist Gerry, someone you loved.  A symbol of all your publicity – when you were Kellie.

It starts with ugliness symbolized by your first husband.  His hands like claws could be a reference when he tried to strangle you twice. But you go fro there & become a star through publicity, the symbol of you & Gerry kissing warmly.

Gerry denouncing someone a murderer is probably you denouncing Stan for trying to kill you, written in your Life Story Book.  Then Gerry is looking on the large white poster in front for the names of those who ‘signed in,’ seeking those he knows.

That could be when you were writing your life story trying to recall all those you knew of significance.

The darkish kerchief on your head, no makeup is what?  Reminds me of the old-time babushkas.  Old-fashioned, quaint, back home look.  You were young & innocent, without guile, & you were hurt because of this.  No one protected you, most harmed you. Sort of like the boy Oliver Twist.

What movie are you all watching?  Your Life Story.

For some reason Stan is featured as being the evil guy he was.}*

 Then the dream about working on a farm, having to walk several miles to town with a blue, narrow sort of small wheelbarrow contraption, which falls to pieces when I get there, a woman makes me wait an hour to wait on me, let me know what I owe & I was going to give her beautiful bangle necklaces to sell, asking no $ for them – supposed to be a friend.

{There are 2 necklaces I had.  One had HUGE brown wood balls interspersed by small ones.  It was difficult to find such balls, a rarity.  Then another necklace of smaller but pretty blue balls.  I was going to give them to her to sell & keep the money.}   She’s sewing.  Finally I walk out in a huff, she runs out saying I owe her $1 – which is way less than it should be, a token.  I was at the trash trashing some cellophane type paper that was packaging something, crinkling it.  Then I go to give her the dollar & I have NOTHING, not one cent on my person & am devastated.  Am baffled what to do – almost crying.  Beg? 

*{ME:  Help Mother God I cannot think of anything.

MG: This second person I sense is your Mother.  She ignores you while you were trying to please her, you wanted her love.  You had a hard road at the farm, the blue wheelbarrow reminds me of the one you had here at your new house.  You worked so hard with it with rocks that after a while, it broke, the wooden handle broke off & no more work with it.  It being blue is sorrow.

You worked hard on the farm, she did not appreciate it.  In the end, she says you owe her a dollar.  Like you owe her your hard work, you deserve getting nothing for it.  You were going to give her gifts.  What are these gifts?

The blue ball one represents frustration.  The one with large wooden balls- wood usually means Crosses, like that of Our Lord.  But why are these round & in a necklace?  Necklace is usually jewelry, a spiritual award.

This sounds like you gave your Mom Crosses, or would have.  Not sure how but in truth, she gave you a thousand times more pain than you her.

When you turned 15 she did not mind her own business, if she had, she would have been less frustrated or hurt by your behavior.  Due to the lack of love & abuse, you stayed away from home some nights, sleeping with a male friend.  She ran around trying to find out who he was, found out, went there & pleaded with him not to give you entrance – but that didn’t work. He was only 16 but had his own cabin due to Dad being rich.

Why did she waste her time with this endeavor?  Things like that bothered her, but why? Just leave it alone, mind your own business & stop getting pregnant & having abortions.

Her sitting there sewing is scheming, like they show fairies or witches sitting doing needlework, tapestries, to determine the fate of humans. She tried to control people, their fate, their future – she had no love.

ME:  And I walk away from her & am throwing some package covering into the trash – probably her relationship. She says I owe her a dollar, I wanted to pay but I had NOTHING which is what I got from being with her. 

Then the dream of finding a SPRING & water collects, & I see my hat, which turns into many hats – like 15, all the same, outdoor-summer type material, each have hoods about 6” wide, white hats with about 4 blue-grey stripes every inch, they just appear out of nowhere but that was one hat it started with, a dull dark color, turned into this.  I’m not happy about all this.  But the spring might be a good sign of Grace. 










*{ME:  Help, MomGod.

MG:  This is two symbols, the Spring of Grace & the hats of pain.  You were given multiple roles to play in life; all these here were prisons of pain.  Look at the design, grey stripes on top of white like prisoners.  God gave you this but also the endurance to live through it. These happenings made you who you are – strong, some Wisdom, knowledge.  You gained Self Realization, Union with God, did you not?  Without those pains you would not have achieved it.}*












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